Seating layout without top table

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Ok, I fully understand that I am talking about seating at a wedding that may or not take place this year, but things like this will still need to be done eventually, so I am keeping busy.

We don’t like the idea of a top table where you are on display with the chosen VIPs and have limited socialising options. I really dislike round tables because they are so typical of a wedding. Our venue has rectangular tables as an alternative. I don’t want to be sitting with our parents the whole meal because we speak to them every day, it’s a chance to mingle with our friends who we don’t see often.

We are having an informal style wedding with under 40 guests so I would like a layout with all tables joined in together and with maximum socialising potential, eg. E-shape or a cross. Any other ones like that? Horseshoe/ U-shape seem a bit business meeting-style and spread guests out too much. Long table limits the number of people you can chat to. I’m finding it difficult to decide where to place guests because we have such a mix of people: singles, couples, families with young kids. Out of these, some are just my friends who my partner doesn’t know well and some are just his friends.

I like when people sit on both sides of a table, but I don’t want to end up sitting opposite people I am not close with, like my partner’s mates, and equally, it would be weird if my friend’s partner, who my H2B has only met once, ended up sitting opposite H2B the whole meal. Every time I think I have nailed the seating chart, I find someone who doesn’t fit in well in at least one seat. Basically, I need a layout that keeps everyone quite close together, rather than separating guests into distinct groups and giving them a table each. E-shape still feels a bit ‘top-tabley’ with the long side of it.

Totally agree @MrsMoastyToasty

I am literally not enjoying a single bit of planning.

So why are you making it difficult for yourself , by deciding you don't want what is easiest ?
I can understand that if you were getting a lot of pleasure from planning and talking about your plans, and then rearranging things, it would make sense, but if this is a chore for you, then why not keep it simple ?

I went to a wedding once, where there were going to be quite a lot of people who wouldn't know many others..... they deliberately mixed everyone up on the tables. I mean, everyone was with someone they knew (usually their partner but could be a friend) but then on a table there'd be i couple who were relatives of the groom / 1 who were relatives of the bride / 1 who were friends of the bride and 1 who were friends of the groom. It's only for about 90mins, and everyone is in the same boat.

Not for everyone, but it is a 'different' idea.

After

Accidentally sent before I could finish🙈 After stressing over it for another night and reading everyone’s replies, I have had an epiphany. Screw arranging shapes and screw this stress. A bit disappointed I failed my own challenge. Even if I come up with a perfect seating plan, someone won’t turn up last minute and the plan will fall apart. So separate tables, some friends with us, others on separate tables and family somewhere else. I did indeed @AnotherEmma just want to make my day special and the best for me. I suspect I will still feel it’s special, especially if I have to wait goodness knows how long to get married.

Hope you don't have to wait too long until you can enjoy your special day

Another wee bit of advice: when it arrives, remember to take a moment (both on your own and with your new dh) to pause and appreciate the day.

I loved doing my table plan. I had lots of mini post its on a big mirror and fiddled around with it for ages. (But I was a teacher at the time so arranging seating plans was fairly standard!) If you're not enjoying it, let this detail go. There's loads of other details you can put your stamp on. No-one is going to think, "ah, strong's wedding was really cool, just such as shame about those big round tables". One of the advantages of them being such standard wedding style is they will just be background - people won't notice. Spend your time on energy on something else instead.

(Not favours, though. No-one gives a toss about the favours!)

Here is the advantage of bridesmaids and groomsmen- it's the only acceptable way to have your mates sit with you, not their families.

We had round tables, we sat at a table with our parents, bridesmaids, best men. Their families and kids sat at other tables. Before each course, we went and talked to a different table, so basically we were only sitting at our table for the eating party.

Long tables and rectangular tables actually mean you get to speak to fewer people: whoever is on either side of you (assuming you're not stuck at the end) and the person directly across from you. It's really hard to do much beyond that. Round tables, you can speak to a much larger group, and the whole table can just about have a conversation.

In lots of ways we didn't have a 'typical' wedding but with lots of things we accepted, as another poster has said, the reason some things are always done the way they are is it's the best way.

Have token 'witnesses', make them a part of the wedding party without the dresses and then seat them with you. There isn't a magic answer you're not thinking of: you may want something unorthodox but most people actually want exactly what you're saying from their wedding: getting to chat to their mates; not the partners/kids they're not bothered with, and not just hanging out with people they see every day. But there are limited ways to achieve that. For us, we headed to a different table to hang out and chat in between courses, we had our closest friends at the table with us sans famille and we had the table layout so people could hopefully talk to bigger groups. There is no perfect answer though.

Because the restaurant we had our reception at only had rectangular tables, we had a buffet, so people got up and walked around, mingled and sat back in different places. That way DH’s DM got to sit with all her DGC at some boing.

Thank you @prettybird . I bet the day goes by fast. When do you think is a good time to take it all in?

@CheriLittlebottom Ha, it’s true, the shape of tables won’t be the centre of everyone’s attention. I was so focused on making the day special and making sure everyone sits next to someone they would get on with. In the end, I think I am going for a horseshoe-type of arrangement or several rectangular tables without any shape.

@worriedmama1980 Thanks, I think I was indeed thinking there must be something I hadn’t thought of. I have a hard time with separating families, I wouldn’t like to be without my partner during the meal at someone’s wedding, so I will be putting them at the same table or two or, big sigh, close to us and have to listen to them talk about/to their kids. But then the entertainment will begin and hopefully some kids will be picked up by their grandparents. Like @BikeRunSki , we are having a buffet so it’ll be one big meal but hopefully people will chat while getting food.

Thanks everyone for helping me brainstorm!

Try not to get too sucked in to the idea of making the day unique and special. It's really hard to avoid because the entire wedding industry is built round it, but ultimately what makes your wedding unique and special is that it's yours. It will always be unique and special to you. Everyone else just wants to be fed well, have a few drinks and a bit of a dance. People don't tend to remember (or, honestly, care that much about) all the little bits that you get caught up in when planning. Good food, plenty of it, drinks, somewhere to sit down when their feet hurt. That's it.

Hope you have a lovely time.

There's no one right time, but on the day, remember it's also your day and don't spend the whole time worrying about other people and whether they're enjoying themselves. Take a few moments (probably best spread out over the day) to stop and enjoy the day yourself and to savour the moment.

It will go by in a blur and it's easy to forget to be "in the moment".

At my 50th we just sat people together who got on, and I moved from table to table for each course. It worked very well and added to the casual nature of the event. Everyone had a lovely time, I kept losing my glass of wine though .

@CheriLittlebottom Thank you. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the details.

@prettybird I can relate to that, I always worry about other people enjoying themselves at parties and rarely stop to take it all in.

@lightlypoached I can see that being a problem! And your plate if you are walking around and eating.