Seating layout without top table

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Ok, I fully understand that I am talking about seating at a wedding that may or not take place this year, but things like this will still need to be done eventually, so I am keeping busy.

We don’t like the idea of a top table where you are on display with the chosen VIPs and have limited socialising options. I really dislike round tables because they are so typical of a wedding. Our venue has rectangular tables as an alternative. I don’t want to be sitting with our parents the whole meal because we speak to them every day, it’s a chance to mingle with our friends who we don’t see often.

We are having an informal style wedding with under 40 guests so I would like a layout with all tables joined in together and with maximum socialising potential, eg. E-shape or a cross. Any other ones like that? Horseshoe/ U-shape seem a bit business meeting-style and spread guests out too much. Long table limits the number of people you can chat to. I’m finding it difficult to decide where to place guests because we have such a mix of people: singles, couples, families with young kids. Out of these, some are just my friends who my partner doesn’t know well and some are just his friends.

I like when people sit on both sides of a table, but I don’t want to end up sitting opposite people I am not close with, like my partner’s mates, and equally, it would be weird if my friend’s partner, who my H2B has only met once, ended up sitting opposite H2B the whole meal. Every time I think I have nailed the seating chart, I find someone who doesn’t fit in well in at least one seat. Basically, I need a layout that keeps everyone quite close together, rather than separating guests into distinct groups and giving them a table each. E-shape still feels a bit ‘top-tabley’ with the long side of it.

Another one holding out for this year.

We aren't having a top table (2nd time for both of us), we're having 5 round tables of 10. We'll just sit at one of the tables with the 4 kids and my parents. So much time for mingling and chatting once everyone has finished eating.

Not only have I sent them, I’ve already had RSVPs since the start of the year😊 I didn’t see the point in Save the Dates. So far everyone is coming but coronavirus could make some guests stay away, obviously.

Hmm....

It strikes me that you would like to Just be able to sit with everybody

In that case, I'd go with round tables and have the venue leave an empty seat on each round. This can be the seat that the person would have their back to yours and dh main table so it's nice to keep that one clear.

You and dh pick 3 people each to sit with you at your "main table" then you can both get up and sit with each table in turn throughout the meal. Only come back to your main table for the speeches.

Example.

E - empty seat

@Angbunnyboo Sounds ace, but I’m not having high hopes for the Scottish weather. Plus some people we are inviting would have difficulties with sitting on the ground (back problems etc.) and the younger kids need confined to a chair. I did want a kids-free wedding years ago before we had our own and friends were sans kids too..

I love your optimism, it's giving me hope for my wedding!!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Yep, that’s what I’m realising now too🙈 Thank you for going to the trouble of sketching it up for me. That could work with rectangular tables too. I just don’t think we will be able to pick three each, his closest two are single and third has family. My closest three each will need 2-3 seats..

@AnxiousElephant77 Optimism or denial😂

Oh you've ruined it now

I seriously think I’m the only one who can’t create a table plan with ease!

Are your or his parents paying towards the wedding? If so they may be anticipating sitting at the main table with you.

Are you and he having best man/maid of honour? Will they sit at the main table with you?

@Bernadette We are paying for it ourselves so we haven’t given them a say. They might well want to sit with us and it’s not my idea of a party. No bridesmaids or groomsmen, I didn’t see the point at a small informal wedding. Less to spend on outfits too😁

Fair do. Sounds almost identical to our set up

You will have a fab day whatever the seats in sure.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Thank you! I know that guests probably won’t care where they sit, some might, but I know I will based on previous experiences as a guest. I have been bored out of my mind at a fair few weddings, and I can talk to strangers no problem.

Question about leaving a spare seat to anyone who’s done it. Does it look like you couldn’t fill a table or actually ok? Just one seat or two so that both of us could go and sit there?

We are having a buffet and no or very short speeches, because I find them boring, so it won’t be as long a meal as a traditional one. Any point in moving around?

Sometimes things are overdone because they are actually the thing that works the best!

I've only been to two weddings that didn't do big round tables, and I really disliked both seating arrangements. Both had long tables, the smaller wedding had two long tables and the larger wedding had three, with an additional top table. It felt very squashed, hard to get in and out without bothering the people behind, and actually much less social, I felt that I had to speak to the person / two people opposite me, and because they were so much closer than at a round table it felt as though I was being rude if I looked away to talk to anyone else.

I agree with this from the first reply.... Weddings guests almost expect to be sat next to someone they’ve never met, it’s the nature of a wedding, once the meal is over, everyone will revert to their preferred social group.

You are getting too hung up on things like there being "one person the same age as your parents but she is your friend" - what does it matter what age people are ?

Anytime, Anyone has to do a seating plan, it is a challenge, as people don't come in the right 'numbers' who know each other or who have similar interests or whatever. What we did was put everyone's names on post its and then be able to keep moving people around to try out different options.

I also was going to say the same as CheriLitlleBottom. The reason round tables are most common is because they work best. It seems daft to turn your back on something that works, simply for the reason it works so well

Would your friends husbands be put out if they were sat with kids and their wives were on a special table?

What I meant re my older friend and parents was, it would make sense to put her and her husband close to our parents because my parents, for one, don’t have anything in common with most of our guests, I know that for a fact because I know the sense of humour a few of our friends have, the amount of drinking they like to do etc. And my parents are a complete opposite. But this older friend shares similar interests as my parents and knows them, so it will be less awkward if they sat together. But I would like to be there too haha.

I have put so much thought into making our wedding a bit different because it suits my personality, that’s why I resent round tables. I also associate them with the few boring receptions I’ve been to. But I’m starting to see that a shape of tables pulled together could make getting in and out of seats harder, so maybe separate rectangle tables could work. I am more stuck on who to put where rather than the shape like in my original question.

@Lotsalotsagiggles I think that would be weird. Knowing the families in question, the Dads will want a drink and Mums will want to be near their kids (based on the kids’ ages and personalities). Plus a couple of Mums are actually the +1s rather than our friends.

I know you say you don't want round tables but we had no top table at our wedding and just had round tables of 8 (& 10?) with ours at the centre/slightly offset. On "our" table, we had my matron of honour and her dh, my now dh's best man and his dw, and a good friend, who acted as MC, and his partner.

My parents and my new PILs sat at the next table with good friends. On the other side of our table we had a special small table, for the 4 children who were at the wedding (ranging in age from 8 to 12): my matron of honour's 2 kids and my "adopted" niece and nephew (the adopted kids of really good friends), whose parents' table was also close by.

It was in a marquee so we had more control over how we did everything and it worked really well.

22 years ago next week

@prettybird Congratulations!

That’s the problem I have- we don’t both have best friend couples. Most of his close friends are single, one comes with a partner and child, then mine are with kids too. So we would either have a random mix of single guys and a family of three with us, or I don’t know what. Half the children will be of the age that we can’t separate comfortably from their parents.

I think I will just stand somewhere. I am literally not enjoying a single bit of planning. I know, my fault for wanting something a bit different.

We got married 20 years ago. Informal restaurant wedding. Buffet. No top table. Rectangular tables. We didn’t do a seating plan (deliberately), people ended up with people we would have put them with anyway.

As a guest I prefer round tables. I find I can easily talk across the table to the other 7,9 or 11 people.
When I'm sat at a long table I'm restricted to talking to the 2or 3 people opposite and the people either side of me. I hate being at the end of the table because you're limited even more.

Best bit of advice we had (and which we reminded my mum on the one occasion she got a bit angsty) was that it was our special day and we could do it however we wanted.

Fortunately, we were a wee bit older (37 and 39 at the time), so we didn't feel beholden to my (or dh's parents).

We also had quite a few single friends and/or single family who had come over for the wedding (like my aunt from South Africa) but again, maybe we were fortunate in being able to sort out a seating plan which left everyone sitting with people they knew/we knew they would get on with.

(The one disagreement we briefly had with my mum was over the wine selection as she complained, "It's not a wine tasting" when we were sorting out our wine choices we were buying the wine ourselves to which we replied, "Given that stbdh's passion is wine, why can't we have fun with the wine at our wedding? ". Mum apologised the following day, saying it was our choice).

"I have put so much thought into making our wedding a bit different because it suits my personality, that’s why I resent round tables."

With all due respect this is a bit... self-important. I mean, we all like to personalise our weddings a bit (DH and I enjoyed making certain aspects of our wedding personal to us) but at the end of the day, a wedding is a wedding, you are not going to make every aspect of it special and unique. In a way it sounds as if you're trying to be better than others - I'm sure you're not, you just want to make your day feel special, which is understandable. But it really isn't going to be boring just because you have round tables. I mean, have round tables or don't have round tables, but it doesn't actually matter that much.

And no you are most definitely not the only person to struggle over the table plan, we found it one of the hardest bits!