What the hell to do?!

[eternallybaffled]

Partner and I getting married. Several children between us from previous marriages and one together. Neither of us like being centre of attention however, so planned on just being us and all the kids with 2 random witnesses in a registry office. 2 randomers simply because you invite person A, you have to invite person b and then person c....and before you know it there's a room full of people that you don't want there! We are closer to certain friends than we are even to immediate family and it feels wrong to invite one group and not the other. HERES where we are stumped- after the marriage we would like to do something with all our friends and families to celebrate. Drinks, food etc all very casual. No speeches, no master of ceremony, no cutting the cake, no great big line up to welcome our guests. I feel physically sick at the thought of even having to do that. We want it as low key as possible- but do we do a sit down meal? Do we do a big buffet? Will people even want to come if they aren't invited to the ceremony (even though absolutely no one is

We got married at the registry office in November and then invited everyone to a Christmas party at home. The invitation mentioned that it was to celebrate our earlier wedding. No fuss. No gifts.

Posted before I was done. Stupid sausage fingers!
....do we do casual invites explaining how we want the day to go? I just don't know!!!! If we could afford it we would probably buggar off abroad with the kids, but alas, we are poor ☹️

It’s your and your soon to be hubby’s day. Sounds like you’ve got a close group of friends and family, they love you and will respect what you two decide as it’s your day! Do what to two want, no regrets!

That’s exactly what hubby and I did, been happily married 10 years in Feb :) getting married is about two people, not a party or pleasing anyone else xx congratulations xx

TBH I think most people just prefer the party part. I know I do. Yes it's great getting dressed up and having a day of catching up with others and having a meal and then the party but in all honesty the waiting around while photos are done, rooms arranged and set up for food, then party, the cost etc it's draining and if someone sent me an invite to a party for after a wedding I'd be delighted, still can get dressed up and still have the laughs and catchs up without the boring bits.

If you want to do a small ceremony you can, if parents are around they can be witnesses and then both your children as guests and a nice fancy restaurant afterwards and a lovely meal just for you and them, then have a room hired / pub / hall with dj ,nibbles and have all friends and family invited to that.

Do you have a decent pub nearby where they would block off an area and do finger food? I'd simply invite people to an evening party and not mention what time the ceremony is at in case some people are pushy and want to attend - Or have the ceremony a day or 2 beforehand. If you just did finger food you could probably stump up for a round of drinks too. It would be a nice relaxed atmosphere. There's really no need for a sit down meal if you think that would be too much.

Honestly

Get married on Friday and invite everyone to a party on Saturday without saying when the wedding was.

You could just do crisps and dips, cheese and wine or order a load of pizza from Dominos.
Dress casually and bring a bottle.

I like the idea of the finger food in a local pub, we have a few lovely little old country ones within a 5 mile radius of us. My question on that though- what if more people show than we expect and everyone is crammed in? At least with a sit down meal people will have to rsvp- do we still do invitations to the pub??? I don't know how to work this!!! I can even ask friends etc because we want to have everything in place and fully decided before everyone starts with their "well I think you should do it properly", "why don't you do this..." blah blah blah 🤯 I

I also like the idea of a sit down meal- pretty much ensures that everyone will have lined their stomachs and we won't be having to deal with blocked melters 🙈

We just had parents and kids at the registry office then private room at the local 'posh' pub. No cake, no flowers just lots of food (sit down) and copious amounts of wine. Playlist on iPod through the speakers and everyone took their own photos and shared them.
Cost less than dh's new glasses

Family wise, I only have dad, sister, BIL and their children. DP has elderly mum, and comes from a huge family- there would probably be approx 30 immediate and offspring there. As I said, my closest 'family' is made of my friends. Is it fair to invite my friends and not his then? Should I just set up a go fund me for overseas wedding?! 😂

Do either of you have a birthday coming up? You could invite everyone for a party and then announce that you got married.

There can't be more than you expected because you'd invite people

That wouldn't work for us as we both have a few people on each side that the other hasn't met despite them being close to us individually - simply because we move in very different circles. They'd wonder why the hell they were being invited to someone's party that they've only ever casually passed in meeting

We're doing something similar, although we are inviting family to our ceremony. Then we're having a reception - but more like the evening do. No sit down meal, no formal speeches as such (HTB will probably say a few words, thank people for coming etc) we are having a buffet and then straight into DJ and dancing etc !

Will a sit down meal not make it 'more formal' than you're wanting. I think people may expect speeches if you did this? Also are you planning on paying for everyone's meal? Would it be 3 course? Set menu?

I think I would go for a buffet, and of course you can send invitations with an RSVP so you can organise your catering not just for numbers but any special dietary requirements etc.

I didn't have the receiving line, master-of-ceremonies or formal photographs at my wedding and everyone who came said that they had a great time. We did a quiz instead of my dad's speech (to be honest, I would have loved to do away with speeches altogether). Try to decide what you would enjoy and not worry about the "done thing" - you'll be much more relaxed.

Can you get married somewhere else in the UK? And then do what you would do if you had buggered off abroad?

If it was me, I would go ahead with your wedding plan, and have a party only if you want one, or perhaps a gathering at your house if that's appropriate. Even just get a caterer to provide food at your local social club and just get everyone together.

No advice I'm afraid, but I just was excited to see the phrase 'blocked melters' on Mumsnet! You must be near me

@MadeinBelfast I'd guess yes from your username!

Thanks for all the messages 😊 I'm thinking a late marriage (3/4pm) and then on to a local bar/restaurant function suite for maybe a hot fork buffet (?-again, lining stomachs) and even some finger food around 9? Is that too much? Is it not enough??? Does that's then seem overly 'Wedding-y'?

Registry office is booked for a Friday in summer

If it's in summer, you're set.

Have the wedding on a Friday and a lovely evening with DC and on Saturday, nothing is more casual or more satisfying than a good old sausage sizzle. Bread rolls, salad, cheese cake or something for dessert.

Sausages and onions smell the best to everyone, full stomachs please everyone and plenty to drink puts smiles on peoples faces.

Hire someone to do it because, no matter how much you don't like fuss, the hostess slaving over a bbq or a hot sink is a poor idea for this particular occasion.

We had a day time wedding (no afters in Oz) so DM lifted the entire wedding to her house after we left, pulled sausages out of the fridge and someone sorted them out, someone buttered rolls, someone washed dishes. The last person left at 2 am.

If it's a Friday, then do an evening do where guests won't need time off work. Why not have a buffet somewhere about 7 with some dancing?

I have done it! Registrar in a small room at 4pm and booked the function room in a local hotel yesterday! Just doing their party package- wasn't sure they'd allow it as it is technically for a 'wedding do'! So we've doubled up on the deal, taking double the amount of finger food, a dj for 4 hours, sparkling wine for all guests and in lieu of the doubled up package for the dj, we are getting the bridal suite and a family room do the kiddies that night! Absolutely delighted!
Now to start looking at dresses!!!!

That sounds great. The hanging around between the ceremony and the meal is the worst part of weddings do a late ceremony and straight to food and dancing sounds great to me!

Are you telling the kids in advance? What will you tell other people re coming to the party?