Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Midweek weddings

51 replies

Lilypad15 · 27/03/2019 23:15

We have finally found our dream venue. It ticks all our boxes and I love it. We’ve seen a lot of places and none of them wowed us but this one did. However it seems to be causing so many issues with people.

The venue is just under an hour from where we live (although some of our guests live closer) and we have opted for a Monday wedding because we just don’t have the minimum numbers needed for a weekend wedding (we have about 55 max guests but every venue we’ve looked at is looking for between 80-120 minimum). We’re supposed to be going to put the deposit down on Sunday and I feel like it should be really exciting and I was really excited but people are making it hard. I’ve had a lot of “I’m not trying to put you off but...” and saying things like a Monday wedding means nobody will be able to go and the fact it’s a drive away means people might not be able to go because they can’t afford to stay over etc. Our reasoning was the people who are important to us and we want there, will come. Those who we aren’t that fussed about will be the ones who might not be willing or able to travel/take time off work. I was worrying too much about other people but I’ve tried to remember that this is OUR wedding and we should do what WE want instead of trying to make everyone happy and there’s nothing we can do that will please everyone.

My parents and grandparents have all been on at me. Grandparents have nobody to watch the dog (??) if we get married somewhere they have to stay overnight and my parents assume we’ve rushed into it without thinking it through even though we’ve been crunching numbers etc every night for weeks.

Has anyone else had a midweek wedding? Are we being stupid by having one? I just can’t justify paying the increased venue fees plus for potentially 60+ extra people we don’t actually have just to meet weekend minimums. I’ve never wanted a massive wedding, just one with my closest family and friends. But with a Monday, there’d be quite a few guests who would have to take two days off (the wedding day and the day after if they’re staying over etc). There’s a lot of time to sort that with employers but is it a lot to ask of people? We don’t really have any other option that doesn’t involve us going way over our budget. My fiancé thinks I’m worrying too much about other people but then when those other people start casting doubt in my mind and then I think maybe I’m justified in my worrying!

Sorry for rambling, I’m just stressing too much!

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 27/03/2019 23:21

We recently declined a Monday wedding invitation. It means two days annual leave & kids school/after school adds to babysitting duties.

If you put your needs/wants first you have to be prepared for others to do the same.

Echobelly · 27/03/2019 23:27

A midweek wedding might work if it's only immediate family and maybe best mates, but otherwise I fear it will be an issue for a lot of people, especially those with kids in school for whom leave can be really stretched. Especially if it isn't local to people.

I think you have to decide what's more important to you - dream venue or more people being able to join you? This is not about 'what people think', it's about what is logistically possible for them, imo.

Echobelly · 27/03/2019 23:29

And I appreciate you have the budget issue. Maybe if you go for it you can say to people that you're sorry but you couldn't afford a weekend?

nocoolnamesleft · 27/03/2019 23:38

I trust none of your high priority guests are teachers? Their leave is pretty fixed.

PCohle · 27/03/2019 23:38

Two days of annual leave is a huge ask. So is choosing a location that means many people will have to stay over.

Of course it's "your special day" but choosing a location with "wow factor" over the time and expense of your loved ones makes it pretty clear what your priorities are.

Original poster
Lilypad15 · 27/03/2019 23:40

It would be in the summer holidays and most of our friends and family work in schools and obviously kids are off etc. And I totally understand that those who aren’t particularly close to us might not want to take potentially two days of annual leave off just for a wedding. I would honestly be happy with just my immediate family and my two best friends but I don’t know if that’s a bit sad lol. I’ve never really seen the appeal of huge weddings but does a small wedding automatically mean no atmosphere? Ideally, we wanted a Saturday wedding but there’s a reason why prices rise astronomically for Saturday weddings. Like I say, a small intimate wedding is fine for me but then I’ve got people making me think that a small intimate wedding is not a good thing. I’m honestly about to say I’ll just do it in my back garden

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilypad15 · 27/03/2019 23:46

Just to add, it’s not the location that’s the issue so it’s not just a case of me thinking well I like this place so screw everyone else. It’s the midweek thing. We have looked at 27 venues and had quotes from all of them for weekends (so fridays, saturdays and Sundays) and also midweek quotes and the price difference is huge everywhere. With our budget, midweek seems the only likely option unless we put the date back a few years. I feel like I can’t really do right from wrong

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 27/03/2019 23:49

Ideally, we wanted a Saturday wedding but there’s a reason why prices rise astronomically for Saturday weddings.

Yes, there is - they're a lot better. I've been to two midweek weddings and they've both been miserable.

Since you're having quite a small thing can you look at places that aren't 'wedding' venues - restaurants, pubs, village halls/community centres? You'll still pay a wedding premium but not so much and they won't have those minimum numbers.

Telling a bride you don't think her wedding plans are good is quite an awkward thing that most people are reluctant to do - if multiple people are doing it then I'd listen.

NewAccount270219 · 27/03/2019 23:50

I would genuinely pick doing it in your back garden over a fancy venue midweek.

PCohle · 27/03/2019 23:53

That's quite a different take on it from your initial post OP...

I would rather have a shit venue rather than have friends and family not able to attend.

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/03/2019 23:56

Would it make any difference if it was a bank holiday Monday?

Iwrotethissongfor · 27/03/2019 23:58

It doesn’t tick all your boxes though. The most important thing about your wedding is your fiancé and your guests and the choice of this venue and it’s limitations will affect whether they come, the bother they go to and how comfortable they are on the day. I have mostly been to Saturday weddings but also a couple on Fridays and 1 Sunday (but it was a bank holiday so had the next day off.) It’s certainly much much better to not have to use annual leave to attend and also to have the day after off so you can relax and have a drink and stay late and not worry about trains home and getting up early for work. For a Monday wedding We’d have to use up annual leave, still need to pay for nursery although child not in as well as the usual: pay for gift, sort out outfits and pay for travel and drinks. I wouldn’t stay over when I had work the next day and would leave early unless very close friend in which case my husband would take our child home and I’d stay out bit later To celebrate (on soft drinks admittedly but I often don’t drink so hopefully would still be good fun). It’s not that I wouldn’t do it for a close friend or that I wouldn’t try and enjoy it but you’re stacking the odds up against it.

BackforGood · 28/03/2019 00:00

Our reasoning was the people who are important to us and we want there, will come.

My parents and grandparents have all been on at me.

So, you don't want your parents and Grandparents there ? Confused

purpleboy · 28/03/2019 00:00

Were going to a Thursday wedding next month and honestly it's a pain in the ass. I would rather not go but it's dhs family so he feels we have to. Both have to take time off work, one can't drink as no rooms at venue and too far for a taxi, plus it's a school day and kids aren't invited so we've had to arrange school pick ups and evening childcare. What a faff for all the guests so b&g could save money. No one is happy with having to take time off work but a lot feel obliged because they are family.
Personally I think you should do as pp said and look for a different style of venue that isn't as expensive, push the wedding back until you can afford what you want, or if you want to carry on with your original idea, do it, but be prepared for people to not attend and possibly others to be miffed when they are there.

spanishwife · 28/03/2019 00:09

It's not that Saturday weddings are more expensive, it's that midweek wedding are much cheaper. The reason for that is because they're rubbish. Big no from me.
Save up until you can afford a Saturday or rethink your plans.

BackforGood · 28/03/2019 00:14

I think the fact that you say most of the working folk on your guest list work in schools, and it is in the school holidays, makes a BIG difference. Perhaps you should have made that clear in your OP as q a lot of posters respond to the OP and not updates

Chickenitalia · 28/03/2019 00:16

Will it really be your dream wedding if no one is there? If you can’t afford the cost of it at the weekend, get yourself to a local registry office and find a nice restaurant or hall for after. Fraction of the cost, everyone happy, no need for staying over for the majority and kids won’t be trashing anything.

Even with a years notice I cannot take the odd day off work. It’s whole weeks or nothing, and in the school holidays every week is booked to the max so it would be go to the midweek wedding and miss out on a family holiday for me and mine. Even for a sibling I would decline that one. Perhaps think about the person you’re marrying and move on from the dream venue nonsense. JMO.

Crabbyandproudofit · 28/03/2019 00:19

If you are paying for the wedding you get to choose when, where and how to get married. But you need to decide your priorities and plan accordingly. Maybe you have to save a bit longer, maybe you compromise on the venue. You can save money by marrying mid-week, or not in the height of summer. Have you considered a lovely spring, autumn or even winter theme? If you are getting married on a Monday what about a Bank Holiday? Or the Sunday before a Bank Holiday?

Planning a wedding usually gets stressful somewhere along the way but try to enjoy it as much as you can. Your grandparents and parents probably have quite a traditional view of weddings but there is a lot of 'stuff' that doesn't have to happen. Re atmosphere at a smaller wedding, one of the best (and definitely the most personal) weddings I have attended had 10 guests!

Jennbot · 28/03/2019 00:29

I'd happily book a week day or two off for the wedding of someone who was important to me. I think it is extraordinarily rude of anyone to moan about a brides choices and pressure them to change. It is your day and trying to make you change plans is extremely selfish.
Most certainly don't spend money you don't have trying to please everyone, this will never happen.
As for moaning about leaving a dog, that beggars belief. Good luck.
My favourite sil dreaded the big wedding do. She got married in a huge Catholic church with just immediate family and we all went to the pub afterwards. Great time was had as the bride and groom were happy. Loved her wedding.

snitzelvoncrumb · 28/03/2019 00:34

If it's what you really want then do it, as long as you don't mind the limited guests. Monday's are tricky and most people won't go, and those that do will probably not stay late. If you are ok with that then go for it.

PinkSquidgyPig · 28/03/2019 00:38

We got married on a Tuesday. We did it in half term because we and some guests had school aged children. A small wedding about 25 people. Close family and friends, everyone came and some travelled many miles, two had to fly then take a train.
None made any fuss at all.
We hired a house and the flying folk stayed with us. It was lovely. We could have had a night away on our wedding night if we'd wanted. But we all got very tired and fell asleep 😂.
Do it. My motto in the end was ' it's our wedding, we should do what makes us happy, hopefully other people will accommodate that for the one or two days it takes'.
Oh, and lots of them did the same a few months later when we had a ceremony and big party local to our home so that all our friends could be there. We had to travel for the first one as DH's mum was so old and unable to travel any distance.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 28/03/2019 17:54

It’s an exciting day whether you have 100 guests or just witnesses, I promise Smile
I had to do a “secret” registry office wedding in my home town, as we were getting married abroad. Despite thinking it would be a bit shit (hideous new build office and no guests) . I can honestly say that it felt very special and very significant. With the added bonus that without the pressure of a big dress, hair and make up, other people etc I could appreciate every second. It was fabulous to just revel in saying our vows and the start of married life with each other. Really moving and romantic.

I can’t fault our main wedding, in the most fabulous venue ( think Hollywood A list ) but it all went so quickly. Lots of time went on doing “wedding stuff”, making sure we talked to everyone, having photos with people and all the rest. Having thought about the guests needs, it was as much about them as the two of us.Totally different experience.

I would have a small wedding in a heartbeat over a big wedding and I am a bit of a show off!

ScarletBitch · 28/03/2019 18:18

Just go abroad somewhere you and your DP would love to visit, and get married there. This is your wedding, not your GP or parents. And your GP surely will still have the same problem with the dog on a Saturday ?

CatchingBabies · 28/03/2019 23:23

Sorry but I wouldn’t go to a Monday wedding, it would be a nightmare to arrange work, childcare etc. I expect many people will decline and those that come will not drink and leave early to avoid having to stay over / take 2 days off work.

If it has to be a week day Friday would be better and is usually cheaper than the weekend also.

You need to look at smaller venues, we’ve booked our wedding for a Saturday and only have 50 guests, not all of them have minimum numbers.

thecatsthecats · 29/03/2019 13:57

I got invited to the evening do of a Monday wedding 3 hours away. Couldn't RSVP no fast enough.

Some people only have 20 days annual leave - imagein spending 10% of that on a wedding!

On the other hand I quite like Friday weddings, because you get a long weekend, and Saturday morning isn't wasted with wedding prep.

Do what you like OP - but if you want it to be a big party style wedding, then book a different day. The aforementioned Monday wedding was really quiet because most of the evening guests didn't attend and the day guests were tired out by the long trip, early start etc.