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Original poster

Is this rude or inconvenient to guests?

65 replies

MissMoodyMoo · 01/11/2018 16:33

I've got it into my head that I want a winter wonderland/Christmas wedding! And was thinking the 28th as it's my brother who sadly passed aways birthday but could the date be considered inconvenient or rude towards guests?

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 01/11/2018 16:37

How will your parents feel about that date?

Between Christmas and New Year would be a bit of an expensive nightmare if guests are travelling a long way and need to stay over. Saying that, I would make the effort for close family or friends Smile

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 01/11/2018 16:40

My DSis got married a couple of days after Christmas-
I think in hindsight she wouldn't have...
Things to consider:
People are skint and may not come
People have family obligations and may not come
The roads will be crowded and public transport crowded so ppl may not come
Weather could be bad and people may not come

But as well-none of that could happen and it could be marvellous-just what I think my DSis would point out...

JosellaPlayton · 01/11/2018 16:41

Personally I’d be likely to decline an invite for that date as I’d probably be travelling to visit family or hosting family. But if it’s a special date for you then go for it, it’s certainly not rude, but I’d expect fewer people to accept than if you went for say a random November date.

However, I agree that you might want to chat to your parents and other family though, smiling and posing for photos might not be what they have in mind given the choice of date.

maxelly · 01/11/2018 16:42

My aunt got married on Christmas Eve which to me was lovely, nearly everyone was off work anyway so didn't have to take 'special' annual leave, the venue was decorated in a wintery/Christmas theme and we have Christmas dinner at the 'breakfast'! I think that a wedding in the middle of that post-Xmas, pre-New Year lull could be great. A nice way to honour your brother too although perhaps do check with your other relatives that they agree (I know my mum finds some significant dates that are associated with loved ones passing away overwhelmingly sad and wouldn't be up for a party of any kind on those days but that is just her, not everyone is the same!)

I suppose you will probably need to be prepared that some of your guests may have other family commitments or traditions for that time of year so may be a bit put out. But then again that is the case pretty much any time of year so you can't win really, and as MN always says they can always decline the invite if they don't want to come! The only thing I'd be a bit careful of is travel arrangements if not all your guests are local - public transport and the roads can be sticky at that time of year so you might want to think about how you will help people out there!

ZoeZebra1 · 01/11/2018 16:47

If it what you want to do then do it, it's your day.
So long as you are prepared a few won't make it, then it's fine. If it's inconvenient they won't come, but I'm sure you will have an amazing day anyway.

ScreamingValenta · 01/11/2018 16:51

Personally, I would enjoy going to a social event in the lull between Christmas and New Year.

IMissGin · 01/11/2018 16:55

I would love it as long as:
It’s close to home (hotels and travel are busy and expensive then)
Children are invited as childcare
I didn’t have guests staying

IMissGin · 01/11/2018 16:55

*childcare is difficult that time of year

SillySallySingsSongs · 01/11/2018 16:58

How do your parents etc feel about you chosing that date?

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 01/11/2018 17:01

Be prepared for a lot of people to decline. Most people are skint right after Christmas plus there's family visits etc to contend with.

I wouldn't really appreciate having to celebrate on a day when I'm struging more so than usual with being a bereaved parent.

JupiterDrops · 01/11/2018 17:03

I reserve those days for sitting in my pyjamas in the warm stuffing my face and playing trivial pursuit. Personally I'd turn down pretty much all invited to a wedding between Christmas and NY.

SillySallySingsSongs · 01/11/2018 17:04

Be prepared for a lot of people to decline.

Don't be so sure. I have been to a few weddings over this sort have time. All have been very well attended with no more declines than in the summer.

ChicagoLil · 01/11/2018 17:04

And don't expect fresh flowers for your bouquet...

Original poster
MissMoodyMoo · 01/11/2018 17:04

I was actually thinking middle of December wedding then my mum suggested my brothers birthday! She always trys to incorporate his birthday into the Christmas celebrations even if it's just a Chinese and a toast. The venue is 10 minutes from the village where most of my family and guests live and id put a coach into the main town where majority of the other guests would come from! And for the out of towners as id be staying at the venue the night before possibly and night after our 4 bedroom house would be up for grabs to stay in if they wanted? I still have to convince my better half but I totally think he would be up for it!

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 01/11/2018 17:06

I’ve been to a local friend’s wedding, 40 mins from home on the 27th and it was amazing, so lovely to break the time up between Christmas and new year and very magical. I wouldn’t travel far to a wedding around that time though, it could be a nightmare weather wise and 2/days out for travel and the wedding would be too much hat week.

How local are most of your guests?

As PP ask aswell, how would your parents feel? It sounds like it would either be seen as a touching tribute or maybe trying a bit hard to take the sadness away from that date. People often need the date to remain sad as part of continued grieving.

bluetrampolines · 01/11/2018 17:08

I nearly got married on an important family date. I am so glad I didn't as very unexpectedly I have been forced into getting divorced. I never dreamt my marriage would end this way. Think very carefully. You really do never know.

fatcakes · 01/11/2018 17:13

We got married on the 28th.
Everyone accepted their invitation.
All agreed it was nice to have something special to do in the lull between Christmas and NYE.
Our colour theme was very festive and so gorgeous. The trees and decorations added a little extra.
We had a fairly late ceremony and dress code was "black tie". All very glam, with lots of fur hats outside church.
Also the cost of most things was less as there is less demand.
The only thing which was a potential risk was the florist not being able to get fresh flowers so soon after Christmas. She let me know about that, but all was ok in the end.
I would recommend a Christmas wedding.

Rebecca36 · 01/11/2018 17:16

As your mum suggested it so obviously won't feel sad about the date, I'd go for it. Not everyone will be able to come but there are reasons all year round why people cannot travel to an event - a lot will come andI'm sure it will be lovely.

I knew someone who married on Christmas Day many years ago and it was a gorgeous wedding.

mistermagpie · 01/11/2018 17:22

My SIL And her husband got married in that date. It was all winter wonderland-y at the time and nobody complained, but for them going forward it has always been a bit of a pain to celebrate their anniversary. Hotels etc are booked up and it's all Christmas/new year menus at restaurants. Plus it's cramming in two celebratory things in one week, when it might be more fun spread out.

Logistically for the wedding, most people made it I think and it suited people who have the whole festive period off.

PerfPower · 01/11/2018 17:32

Winter weddings are lovely, I've been to two December weddings, they just seem more 'glam' than summer ones. I would just say though, people who work in retail might have used up their holiday leave for Christmas eve, boxing day, new year's eve and new year's day. My DD works in John Lewis and can only take two days off between 20th Dec and 3rd Jan.

MrsJane · 01/11/2018 17:33

The lead up to Christmas is manic and I'm then flat out until the 27th, but then there's a huge lull until new year. I'd love to go to a wedding in that in between bit!

Some people may decline if they're away with family but I think you'd be ok with most people.

Can you imagine if it snowed for the pictures? All the fairy lights. Beautiful!

smurfy2015 · 01/11/2018 18:48

No comment re the time of year, however my mum never forgave my uncle (her brother) for getting married on the anniversary of their other brothers passing, several years before, to her it was a massive sign of disrespect. Several of the grooms family who were invited to the wedding didnt go based on it was (deceased brothers anniversary) and could he not have chosen any other day in the year apart from that one.

It caused a lot of tension, fallings out and misery over the years.

Bitchywaitress · 02/11/2018 04:02

I would love to attend a wedding between Christmas and New Year. So magical and such a great time for families to spend together.

However, I cry intermittently all fucking day on the anniversary of my mother’s death. Please be careful when you select your date and talk to all concerned.

Butterymuffin · 02/11/2018 07:29

Given what you've now said about the arrangements and that your mum suggested it, it sounds very fitting for you. I'd go for it. Winter weddings are lovely.

bumblingbovine49 · 02/11/2018 07:35

28th Dec is a good day. Lots of people will have leave that day or at least it probably won't be too difficult to arrange. Most people spend that time relaxing. (Shift workers excluded of course)

Mid Dec is a terrible date. From experience of having a birthday than, people are often really really busy in the lead up to Christmas so a big event like that seems like just one more thing to fit in.

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