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Original poster

FSIL plans wedding week before ours

79 replies

Heff4lump · 19/04/2018 10:16

Hi,
I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation. We got engaged last September and in November last year we booked our wedding for April 2019. My brother got engaged before I did but they never made any plans or set a date to marry. Last weekend my FSIL announced that they had picked a date and was going to look round venue's. Obviously I was excited as my little brother was getting married until she announced that their wedding was the week before ours. They had always spoken about getting married the year after us so it was a huge shock. Is it right for me to feel annoyed by this? It has tainted my excitement for them. I have spoken to my brother who wants to get married next year but is not fussed when it is but my FSIL picked the date and won't change it. I have a whole load of emotions going on about the whole situation and I just don't know how to feel. My family are giving me money towards our wedding and told my brother that they would do the same for him because they thought the wedding would be a year later, now both weddings are within a week of eachother my family will struggle to find the money to help us both and I don't want that. My FSIL doesn't see what the big deal is and can't understand why I'm annoyed and upset about the whole situation, she said that they had been engaged longer so they should get married first although they have only been together 3 years and I have been with my FH 7 years. I would never ask them to change the date of their wedding but I think it's selfish that they have planned it the week before ours. I'm not one for being fussed over and I'd much rather take a back seat than be the centre of attention but the run up to my wedding I want to be the centre of attention and not have to share that, is that wrong for feeling like that?

OP posts:

lizcambs · 19/04/2018 11:45

I was going to suggest moving yours to the week before as well!

I don't get worked up about weddings and all the drama around them usually but I think they are completely out of order. It is very selfish to expect people to travel (potentially have to pay to stay somewhere) two weeks in a row.

I would imagine it's being led by your fsil (I thought it was fucking rather than future as well!) who's jealous that they got engaged first but you get to marry first.

Tell them you've spoken to your venue and are bringing yours forward by 2/3/4 weeks and see what reaction you get. If it should be no big deal for you it should be no big deal for them. If you feel really evil, tell them you've bought it forward to the day before theirs!!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 19/04/2018 11:46

Tell your brother to stop being a doormat and do the right thing.

Ask him how he feels about:

Not attending your wedding, as he’ll be on honeymoon
Lots of family not attending his wedding as they can’t afford both
Not getting money from your parents as they can’t afford both at once 4)The whole family quietly thinking he and his wife are selfish idiots for planning it like this

And if he gives you bull about how you shouldn’t mind, tell him (1) won’t be a problem as you’ve moved your date to a week before his

kateandme · 19/04/2018 11:59

could you have a chat to both or just your bro.let him know you've had messages from some of the friends and family of both now sighting how it might become for cost and logistically imposible for them to come to both.and that you and hub have everything booked up and there is no option to change.be honest with him.try not to bring up the totally wrongness of booking within months ofyour sister!but instead focus for him the actually logisticness of how he thinks people will be able to both afford and give time to both.which they just wont.and for your parents.how they cant afford the money for both.speak practical with him.

SubtitlesOn · 19/04/2018 12:12

I thought it was F..king SIL too

Starfish28 · 19/04/2018 12:21

Good god normally I’m pretty relaxed about wedding stuff but this is a really, really shitty thing to do. As others have said the logistics and costs of attending two weddings so close together is rubbish. But for me the most shameful thing is the impact on your parents and their finances. They are pushed into a really tricky predicament. As others say your brother is the problem. He either needs to stand up for his family or recognize that his in action will cause problem - potentially for years to come.

BlankTimes · 19/04/2018 12:26

Acronyms list,
www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

FreeMantle · 19/04/2018 17:46

Agree with JellyBabies idea!

Bloody appalling. Works out badly for everyone.Ask them to move it, if not moves yours. Won't the venue honour your deposit for a different date?

MaggieFS · 20/04/2018 06:38

I can't quite tell from the OP do you mean she's plucked the date a week before yours from thin air and now needs to find a venue? WTF? How odd, not to mention out of order.

SenoritaViva · 20/04/2018 06:46

Jellibabies has it spot on.

Another one who is usually relaxed about wedding stuff but this plain odd. It's not really fair on guests at all. If I were you I'd book my hen night on their wedding weekend

ooerrmissus · 20/04/2018 06:51

Definitely Fucking SIL in this case!

I don't get what she thinks she has booked if she's still looking at venues though? Normally you book the venue first, and everything else comes after.

Time to go ballistic on them OP. They are being poopooheads about this.

QueenOfMyWorld · 20/04/2018 06:52

It's not fair and she's a cow for doing that.Guests will be thinking oh another wedding been here done that at yours.Id go crazy if it were me she's def trying to steal your Thunder

QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares · 20/04/2018 06:52

Make sure you get your RSVPs out first

winterwonderly · 20/04/2018 06:56

Jelliebabies has it spot on. I've never heard of anyone deciding on a specific date though before they picked their venue. Surely you have to see what the availability of the venue is first??

Helpmeplan · 20/04/2018 06:57

Thank god I don't have siblings your sil sounds like a self centred nightmare. Wow. Unbelievably selfish.

Chocolatecake12 · 20/04/2018 06:59

Oh dear - isn’t the week before the day of your hen do?!!
Shame you won’t be there...

Ginger1982 · 20/04/2018 07:03

That's really poor. Are both weddings going to be within travel distance of people's homes or is everyone going to have to stay over twice? Your brother should be putting his foot down here.

SoupDragon · 20/04/2018 07:03

Doesn’t this mean they are likely to be on honeymoon for your wedding?

Twickerhun · 20/04/2018 07:05

Really really shit of both the fuckers.

SoapOnARoap · 20/04/2018 07:08

Poor form from your brother

UrsulaPandress · 20/04/2018 07:11

How thoughtless.

Or was it?

MilesHuntsWig · 20/04/2018 07:11

Really thoughtless. I quite like the suggestion of pretending you’ve moved yours to a week before theirs and see whether that prompts a reaction...

GuntyMcGee · 20/04/2018 07:14

We had this twice.

Booked our wedding and my sister and DH's brother both went 'oh' and awkward silence when we told them.

Next thing DS has booked hers for 5 weeks before ours (despite having been engaged for 5 years and planning to wed a year later) and BIL booked for 3 weeks after us, and phoned DH laughing because he thought we'd booked for the month after so he though he'd be getting married a week before ours, the arsehole. It backfired for him though.

This is really odd behaviour from your future SIl and your brother sounds like a sap. It's total oneupmanship, which is utterly pathetic. Unfortunately if they've gone and booked, it's unlikely that they're going to see sense and move it.

Whatever you do, don't tell anyone the small details of your wedding. They will undoubtedly be taken and made grander by the other couple - I speak from experience.

And get your save the dates out ASAP!!

TheJoyOfSox · 20/04/2018 07:14

I came to say move the date of your wedding, but Jelly. Has the perfect solution.

Do what Jelly says!

Do it.

TreeClimbingMonkey · 20/04/2018 07:15

As a PP mentioned surely that will mean your brother is on his honeymoon when your wedding is taking place!

It is totally unfair on your side of the family to attend 2 weddings within a week of each other. Just from a cost/hotel/travel perspective.

And you don't set a date until you have found the venue as your date may be unavailable. She is an idiot.

Flexoset · 20/04/2018 07:19

Wow, YANBU and your SIL is a dick.

One of my friends wanted to book a wedding date a month before another friend and apologised to her and asked whether that was ok. And that was a month, not a week. And friends, not siblings.

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