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Original poster

FSIL plans wedding week before ours

79 replies

Heff4lump · 19/04/2018 10:16

Hi,
I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation. We got engaged last September and in November last year we booked our wedding for April 2019. My brother got engaged before I did but they never made any plans or set a date to marry. Last weekend my FSIL announced that they had picked a date and was going to look round venue's. Obviously I was excited as my little brother was getting married until she announced that their wedding was the week before ours. They had always spoken about getting married the year after us so it was a huge shock. Is it right for me to feel annoyed by this? It has tainted my excitement for them. I have spoken to my brother who wants to get married next year but is not fussed when it is but my FSIL picked the date and won't change it. I have a whole load of emotions going on about the whole situation and I just don't know how to feel. My family are giving me money towards our wedding and told my brother that they would do the same for him because they thought the wedding would be a year later, now both weddings are within a week of eachother my family will struggle to find the money to help us both and I don't want that. My FSIL doesn't see what the big deal is and can't understand why I'm annoyed and upset about the whole situation, she said that they had been engaged longer so they should get married first although they have only been together 3 years and I have been with my FH 7 years. I would never ask them to change the date of their wedding but I think it's selfish that they have planned it the week before ours. I'm not one for being fussed over and I'd much rather take a back seat than be the centre of attention but the run up to my wedding I want to be the centre of attention and not have to share that, is that wrong for feeling like that?

OP posts:
GeminiWarrior · 19/04/2018 10:21

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, it makes life difficult also for guests who I assume will be invited to both weddings and then have the difficult situation of getting to both weddings. It does also rain on your parade slightly. I would not have done what you FSIL has done, personally.

there’s not much you can do though, if it’s booked!

(You are likely to get a bit flames for this FYI, OP.)

TwitterQueen1 · 19/04/2018 10:22

Very bad form. Doesn't matter who got engaged first or who's been together longest, you don't book a wedding a week before your sibling's.

(What does F mean btw? not sure what FSIL is... or FH, I think you mean D for dear..)

Can you bring yours forward at all?

Fishface77 · 19/04/2018 10:23

FSIL is a bitch and your brothers not much better

Whatdoiladymcbeth · 19/04/2018 10:24

I see why you’re upset, I would be annoyed too.

There’s very little you can do, but do take solace in the fact it will be obvious to everybody that she is being oddly bitchy.

Perhaps the best way to see it is a lovely week of wedding for the family, it is odd how she has chosen her date though. Perhaps they got a good deal at a venue?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 19/04/2018 10:26

Yes I'd be pissed off. I would also be pissed off as a family member that I had so much to fork out for a week apart.... outfits, presents etc.

Really thoughtless.

Original poster
Heff4lump · 19/04/2018 10:29

I know people will have different opinions on the situation that's why I'm asking because I honestly don't know how I feel and tbh I feel a bit bad for feeling angry about the situation because my brother's getting married and that's exciting but it feels like she's trying to steal my thunder.
Gemini what does OP mean?
FSIL - future sister in law
FH - future husband
Sorry I'm newish to this and not sure of all the lingo 😂

OP posts:
fruitlovingmonkey · 19/04/2018 10:33

It’s bad etiquette. Your brother is equally to blame though, he is one half of the couple and should be more vocal.
Grin at FUTURE sil, I read it as fucking!

Springnowplease · 19/04/2018 10:34

See if you can change it to a week before hers.

KirstenRaymonde · 19/04/2018 10:34

OP is original poster - the person who started the thread

You’re absolutely right to be annoyed, it’s a reallt shitty thing to do. It’s unfair on family guests who may not be able to afford or make time to travel for both so close together. Have they even thought about this? My sister gets married next year, we’re also hoping to marry next year and I think I want to leave a good 2-3 months minimum between them! I expect FSIL is annoyed you got yourselves booked in before they did despite being engaged first and is trying to right the balance, but it’s just going to inconvenience everyone and is very unfair.

GeminiWarrior · 19/04/2018 10:34

OP- original poster (you)

dinosaurkisses · 19/04/2018 10:35

You’ll probably get a load of Cool-Wives come on and say that YABU in a minute- you aren’t though!

Honest to God, your SIL has been amazingly thoughtless, not just to you and your immediate family but your guests!

Have your parents not tried to speak to your brother to impart what a massive ball-ache it will be to people who are invited to both events? By being so passive your bro is just as bad as SIL.

You could think about getting your save the dates out ASAP so guests will have your wedding in their calendar before your brother and SIL do.

TwitterQueen1 · 19/04/2018 10:39

Ah got it now, thanks OP. I too prefer 'fucking' to 'future'!

Thinking more about this I would actually be both fucking fuming and very upset too. As others have said, logistically this will be a nightmare for friends and relations and a delicate balancing act for your parents...

Can you move yours at all? I really would try to.

Original poster
Heff4lump · 19/04/2018 10:45

😂😂😂 @fucking!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Heff4lump · 19/04/2018 10:58

Although we haven't put out save the dates or inventions as the wedding is a year away we did tell all our family and friends the date once we booked it so this has caused tension in the family because they all know their wedding has now been booked the week before ours. My mum spoke to them both and told them that it wasn't fair on the family to have both weddings within a week of eachother and to stop and think how I feel about it fell on deaf ears. Me and my OH spoke about moving our wedding but financially we couldn't move it forward and I don't want to delay it, why should I!

OP posts:
BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 19/04/2018 10:58

Absolutely shocking behaviour. It sounds like your wedding is what has prompted their plans tbh - they have been engaged longer yet you were getting married first so they suddenly want to squeeze it in beforehand. It's incredibly bad form, and clearly they haven't thought about how awkward it is for guests, family helping with planning etc.

Will they be going on their honeymoon straight after their wedding and therefore missing yours, or will they still be available?

I'd be concerned she'll spend the whole of your wedding talking about hers and trying to detract from your day. It's appalling that your DB is happy to go along with it, but it smacks of being planned to me.

dinosaurkisses · 19/04/2018 11:04

OP seriously- get on vista print and order some save the dates. Get the magnet ones that stick to people’s fridges 😂

I normally wouldn’t bother but this is the type of situation they’re designed for!

ILookedintheWater · 19/04/2018 11:21

Have a joint wedding!
The suggestion will make you look the bigger person and will take the pressure off your family for attendance and cost.
Win-win!

What they have done/are planning to do is very poor form. She is making it very clear what his relationship with his family will be from now on. He is backing her.

liquidrevolution · 19/04/2018 11:22

Can you move yours to the week before theirs?

Absolutely terrible. And yes F does mean fucking in this instance. Your 'D's bro is being a shit.

Starlighter · 19/04/2018 11:26

YANBU! What is FSIL thinking?! Will they even be around for your wedding, are they having a honeymoon??

So unfair on you, your parents and the guests that have to find the money for two weddings so close together. Totally bonkers!

I’d have a chat to your brother about it.

DaphneduM · 19/04/2018 11:27

Very poor indeed. What planet is FSIL on? Not a very good entree for her into your family - as it is obviously very upsetting for you but also the fact that she has ignored the advice of your mum. Sounds a very self-centred madam. Weddings are big, special events - two within a week of each other is ridiculous. I'm sure she could have easily picked a date which would have at least given a few months leeway. Do you think any more pressure could be put on her to change it? You absolutely should stand your ground on yours - you booked yours first.

NorthernLurker · 19/04/2018 11:31

She's done that on purpose. Go ballistic.

3stonedown · 19/04/2018 11:31

Initially reading the OP I couldn't really see the problem, but I guess if you have family travelling that will be a bit of a nightmare.

To be honest I'm so introverted the thought of family not being able to attend appeals to me so I would be delighted.

ibetyoulookgoodonthedancefloor · 19/04/2018 11:32

That's shit! Some people are so petty...

DBoo · 19/04/2018 11:34

I'd be fuming. I dont know what you can do though sadly.

DBoo · 19/04/2018 11:35

Ooh i like liquidssuggestion. Move yours to the week before or even just lie and say you have and see if its a big deal then.

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