Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Panicking about wedding!

36 replies

Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:19

My lovely DP proposed on friday, and I obviously said yes!
But now the reality is sinking in!
This year is meant to be the year I finish my PhD, I'm also looking for a job, and DP and I are trying to buy a house!

Please tell me it'll be ok! I don't feel like I have any time to plan this, and of course we don't have any money!!
Did anyone else feel like this? I love him and want to marry him and have been thinking about this for years but never panicked like this!

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 08/01/2018 22:22

But you don't have to get married this year!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 08/01/2018 22:22

There's a poster on another thread who's taking 10 people to dinner in London after getting married at the Chelsea Town Hall - would you fancy doing something like that? It sounded great.

MaitlandGirl · 08/01/2018 22:26

Do you just want to get married or do you want to have a ‘wedding’ as well?

We tied ourselves up in knots trying to organise the wedding we thought we wanted and that we should be having. We’ve now cancelled everything and we’re getting married very soon in a register office with just my children and a family friend. No parents, no extended family, no cousins we don’t really like enough to spend $150 feeding but feel we have to or WW3 will kick off!

However you decide to have your wedding have fun with the planning and CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement :)

HarrietKettleWasHere · 08/01/2018 22:27

I went to look at venues this weekend.

The expense! I didn't even particularly like any of them Blush

A quiet one sounds amazing, if youve got the nerve to do it....

Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:37

No... 10 people in a restaurant is my idea of a disaster!
I don't want a huge thing but definitely a church, white dress, nice dinner, all friends and family!
(I have at least 30 family to invite!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:38

I just don't want a sad little party with 10 people, I'd like a proper wedding.
I know the marriage is the important bit, and it's only one day... but on the other hand I'm only planning to do this once, I'd like it to be nice!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:39

My mum would never forgive me if we eloped either!
She has offered to make me a dress and a cake though, maybe delegating is the way forward!

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 08/01/2018 22:41

How about planning a party to 'celebrate your PhD' - village hall or someones garden, invite your friends and family to bring a dish with them, buy booze from the supermarket and pop to the register office with your parents in the morning and make an entrance to announce you are married. Sorted

BackforGood · 08/01/2018 22:41

What Harriet said.
Focus on the PhD that you have worked so hard for, and let your dp job applications take their course - after all, you will want to buy somewhere you can get to work easily. After that start to make decisions about what sort of wedding you want.

Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CMOTDibbler · 08/01/2018 22:47

Oops, cross post. You can still have the dress and church on a budget, esp if it is somewhere you know people. A friend got married at the church her parents went to (and where she went before she moved away) and had the reception in a school hall catered by the church ladies. It was epic, and we had a great time. Its def a time to call in favours and decide what is worth spending money on (food, booze imo), whats not (table decs, favours, fancy invitations, place cards, wedding cars), and what you can do for much less - wedding dress from speciality charity shop/ high street/ebay, bridesmaids dresses as a dress they'd like to wear again from high street, flowers you do yourself and so on

Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:50

Yeah Dibbler that's more my thing I think...
I don't want all the silly faffy pinteresty things!
Plus I'm the first on my side to get married so everyone is very eager to help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 22:51

if my mum made me a dress and cake, my aunts and uncles would probably love to do flowers... and my future MIL is very crafty so could maybe decorate!

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 08/01/2018 22:54

I think it's really unfair to call it a sad wedding with only ten people. Everyone has their own idea of what they'd like and some people would rather save their money for their future, whether that's a baby or a house or whatever. I think someone could have a really lovely wedding with just ten people there. If it's not for you, it doesn't mean it's sad.

LineysRunes · 08/01/2018 22:57

I just don't want a sad little party with 10 people, I'd like a proper wedding... I'd like it to be nice!

That's pretty rude to MaitlandGirl who was kind enough to take the time and trouble post on your thread tbh.

She offered a perfectly reasonable and acceptable alternative to the panic you say you're having over no time and no money, and offered you her congratulations. Which was kind.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 08/01/2018 23:05

I imagine the couple who want a small, intimate affair don't think of it as a 'sad little party'! Shock

TieGrr · 08/01/2018 23:06

Just wait a little longer. We're not planning on getting married until 2020 to give us time to save up. We've also just bought a house and want to spend some time (and money) getting that up to scratch. Waiting also means we'll have our pick of venues and suppliers.

Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 23:06

Sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone, I just meant I wouldn't enjoy that.
I have lots of extended family that I love, and I'd be sad not to share it with them and my friends

OP posts:
BrimFire · 08/01/2018 23:10

I'd wait. You have plenty of exciting things happening this year.

In 2019 you could have an amazing wedding. You'll look forward to it this time next year and you won't be so rushed.

It's really rude to call a small wedding sad btw. Wait till you start months of researching options....you'll suddenly see why the small version is so appealing.

cowatthegate · 08/01/2018 23:20

That was my thread @Dosiedo4547 and I’m afraid it’s going to be a “sad little party of only 10 people” because my DM is currently receiving end of life care in a nursing home aged 54 and my father is an abusive cunt who ruined my childhood so I won’t be having any family there at all , just close friends from throughout my life!

Sorry that I don’t have lots of jolly family to celebrate my jolly special day (which actually nobody really gives a fuck about except the couple as it’s mostly a box ticking exercise these days with the vipers that are HMRC , bah humbug!).

LineysRunes · 08/01/2018 23:25

@cowatthegate Flowers

chocolateorangeowls · 08/01/2018 23:26

There is no massive rush to get all this done at once! You've been really rude about other posters weddings Hmm

IggyAce · 08/01/2018 23:27

Honestly you don't have to get married this year focus on completing PhD and sorting out a job then look at planning a wedding.
Some top tips you can save a fortune by having it in January February or March venues often offer a decent package at a fraction of the cost you would pay during peak wedding season. It's also cheaper to get married Monday to Thursday.

Original poster
Dosiedo4547 · 08/01/2018 23:38

Oh for goodness sakes, I asked for reassurance and got a telling off! What has happened to Mumsnet!?
I apologised for offending and explained why I didn't want that!
I hope you feel good about yourselves, as well as worried I'm now also feeling horrible and guilty.
I'm going to ask for this to be deleted. It's made me feel much worse.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 08/01/2018 23:43

I really don’t understand. He proposed. Were you expecting it in a year or two? If so what difference does it make if you plan the wedding for then?

It doesn’t matter if your family are eager...