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Original poster

Uninvited guest- AIBU

67 replies

Scoobsmum · 05/01/2018 23:38

My bridesmaid has given all the info regarding my wedding abroad to her mum who has now booked flights and accommodation in the wedding city. Her mum was never invited to the wedding which I pointed out at the time she booked the flights. My BM is now putting pressure on me to let her mum come as she will be left alone during the wedding. AIBU not to give in and let her come? I barely know the mum and feel I'm being bullied and emotionally blackmailed by my BM.

OP posts:
QuinoaKeen · 05/01/2018 23:40

She is incredibly rude!

jpclarke · 05/01/2018 23:40

Does bm know other people at the wedding? Maybe her mother wants to see her all dressed up. I think weddings have enough stresses to be getting bogged down over this. Yes bm was wrong but her flights are booked now. Is it really worth the hassle to dig your heels in?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 05/01/2018 23:41

Cheeky cow! Why on earth would you want her mum there when you don't know her?

It might be time to reconsider your BMs as well as your guests!

Original poster
Scoobsmum · 05/01/2018 23:46

BM has her best friend as plus one and two other close friends going. The mum has form for inviting herself to friends of her daughter's wedding and I'm really not comfortable around her... I don't think a true friend would press the point as we had a conversation about it back in October so yes I am seriously reconsidering my BM choices!

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 05/01/2018 23:47

No fucking way. Brass-necked cow

PotteringAlong · 05/01/2018 23:47

Going against the grain - yes, it’s very cheeky of the Mum BUT if you’re expecting people to fly abroad for a destination wedding, you need to give them a plus one option. Not everyone wants to spend £1000’s going on holiday alone.

jpclarke · 05/01/2018 23:48

Fair enough if you don't particularly like her I think I would just tell bm that she can't go, end of story.

FrancisCrawford · 05/01/2018 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaLypse · 05/01/2018 23:52

Have you got several BMs? I think you might be about to have one fewer!

nousername123 · 05/01/2018 23:53

How Rude! Say no!

Original poster
Scoobsmum · 05/01/2018 23:57

Thanks all for your support you are saying what I'm thinking! My BM said her mum thought that as another of our mutual friends wasn't coming she thought she could take her place... ConfusedyConfused Now I think she thinks as a fait accompli I can't say no. But I'm livid!!Angry

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 05/01/2018 23:58

With a wedding abroad, am I right in thinking that you don't pay for your guests but they pay to attend? So it won't cost you anything for an extra guest, like it would in a wedding venue at home?

If that's right, unless you absolutely detest the woman, or are itching for a rift with your friend, I would just let them/her do what they want. It's no skin off your nose.

Rubies12345 · 05/01/2018 23:59

she will be left alone during the wedding

BM has her best friend as plus one

Doesn't make sense, why would she be left alone if she has a plus one? If it's a destination wedding she should be allowed a plus one, either the friend or the mum

RestingGrinchFace · 05/01/2018 23:59

I would consider replacing your BM with someone else if possible. This is CAF.

RavingRoo · 06/01/2018 00:01

Just let her come. It’s not worth the aggro. An overseas wedding means you don’t need to socialize with her if you don’t want to.

Original poster
Scoobsmum · 06/01/2018 00:03

Sorry Rubies wasn't clear. My BM has her best friend as her plus 1. My BM is upset that her mum will be left alone during the wedding. I am thinking of suggesting she invites another of her family members to join her mum on her holiday so she's not left alone.

OP posts:
BinkyandBunty · 06/01/2018 00:05

What selfish people! I'd put my foot down.

SparklyLights · 06/01/2018 00:09

The more you talk about it with BM, the more it becomes a "thing". Or a problem for you to solve. Her mum is not your problem and she shouldn't even be a problem at all because she shouldn't be there in the first place (or if she is, not expect automatic entry to a wedding without being invited by the bride or groom!

Stand your ground. Tell your friend Sorry but it's a no and you're sure her mum can find something to do by herself. Then say you don't want to discuss it any more and if she's going to force the issue you are going to have to fall out as clearly she doesn't respect YOUR feelings, YOUR wedding, YOUR right to invite (or not) whoever you want.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/01/2018 00:12

"With a wedding abroad, am I right in thinking that you don't pay for your guests but they pay to attend?"

Why would this be the case? Guests going to weddings abroad have to pay for travel and accommodation usually. Why would they also pay to attend the wedding?

bellie710 · 06/01/2018 00:12

Cheeky Cow!! No if you are not comfortable around this woman then you absolutely do not to invite her anywhere! She chose to book flights, part of getting married abroad is you invite people who you know will not come that doesn't mean she jumps in!

SparklyLights · 06/01/2018 00:15

Or tell your BM friend that someone else (a remote family friend or distant relative who lives abroad perhaps?!) may be coming so there's no free place to take as you're keeping it free for them.

If she tries to call you out on it say "Why should I need justify my wedding guest list? I don't need to justify it. I've made it and I'm happy with it as it is".

rothbury · 06/01/2018 00:17

I would tell BM that her mother can come in place of her best friend.

Mxyzptlk · 06/01/2018 00:21

BM thinks her mum should be invited as otherwise she'll be on her own during the wedding??
a) the mum didn't need to be in that place at all
b) if mum and BM are making a holiday of it, surely mum can cope with being on her own for a few hours

NoMudNoLotus · 06/01/2018 00:26

Please dont feel pressured to have someone there you dont want .

I bowed to pressure from my MIL and 14 years on i still regret it Sad

They are all over my wedding photos Sad
And changed the dynamic of my wedding as it was a small wedding abroad.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2018 00:29

If she didn’t want to be alone she shouldn’t have booked the flights etc. She knew her dd was busy then. So this trick has worked before. Not on you.