Uninvited guest- AIBU

[Scoobsmum]

My bridesmaid has given all the info regarding my wedding abroad to her mum who has now booked flights and accommodation in the wedding city. Her mum was never invited to the wedding which I pointed out at the time she booked the flights. My BM is now putting pressure on me to let her mum come as she will be left alone during the wedding. AIBU not to give in and let her come? I barely know the mum and feel I'm being bullied and emotionally blackmailed by my BM.

Do not let someone intimidate you on your special day!

We planned a very small wedding with just very close family and friends. The woman married to FIL showed up a few days before demanding to see the guest list and then, seeing how small it was, got on our phone and called everyone she knew to invite them. I just sat there stunned at her cheek and now wish I told her to stop. We didn’t know these people and thankfully none of them showed up, probably because they knew we did not invite them and were wise to her tricks.

On my wedding day as I walked into the small reception she whispered in my ear, “You have made my sister cry. She is sitting at home alone crying because of you”. I never even knew she had a sister.

This woman, whom my husband’s dad had met and married not long before our wedding, proved to me a nightmare in the years to come, not to just me but everybody else in the family.

My mum made me invite my cousins, who I hadn’t seen in over a decade. They RSVPed yes and then didn’t turn up on the day - wish I’d stuck to my guns and not bothered!

Your bm is distancing herself from the others. I’d definitely tell her that you understand if she wants to keep her mother company and step down from her role. Give her a cut off date of a week and the explainatiom she will need to be replaced. If she expresses outrage, it infinitely is less so than her mother inviting herself.

If BM keeps pushing i'd be questioning why she didn't use her plus one to invite her mother in the first place?? Clearly wasn't all that important when she was planning that bit!

No. This is the time to just put your foot down and say - I'm sorry, your mother is not invited.

No excuses, just NO.

Also this

Stand your ground. Tell your friend Sorry but it's a no and you're sure her mum can find something to do by herself. Then say you don't want to discuss it any more and if she's going to force the issue you are going to have to fall out as clearly she doesn't respect YOUR feelings, YOUR wedding, YOUR right to invite (or not) whoever you want.

What is WRONG with some people?!

Jesus. No. Just no.

Who does that? Stand your ground OP, the mum is a massive CF and you cannot let her get her way and bully her way into your wedding

I think you will have to have a conversation with BM, it's your wedding and if you had wanted her mum to attend you would have invited her, if necessary have your mum or close friend with you.

It's a tricky one as part of me thinks let it go to avoid stress but it is up to you and your fiancé and if you feel her being their on the day would spoil things in anyway you have to do something.

I would try to be nice about it when you say no. Perhaps say that you have had to exclude certain family members due to numbers so it's just not possible to have her mum there as it would upset other people attending?

Say to your BM that no her mum can't come and you understand if she wants to step down and not come to the wedding as she won't want to leave her mum alone.

^^I'd go with this!

Say to your BM that no her mum can't come and you understand if she wants to step down and not come to the wedding as she won't want to leave her mum alone.

Yep! This ^

Sorry Rubies wasn't clear. My BM has her best friend as her plus 1. My BM is upset that her mum will be left alone during the wedding

Oh right that makes sense. She already chose her friend over her mum so that's it. She can't have 2 plus ones

Maybe you should give the BM's plus one friend a heads up that she might be asked to step into BM's shoes, if BM chooses solidarity with her mother over getting a grip?

Good point.

I had 2 uninvited guests at my wedding - DH’s aunt and uncle, after his gran made a massive fuss and refused to go unless they could come too. It caused several arguments between us, and I was furious for weeks beforehand.

In hindsight, they were fab guests and we all enjoyed their company. It made DH’s gran’s day more enjoyable for her, having them there. I think looking back, while it was annoying and caused extra expense, I shouldn’t have got so worked up about it. If your BM would enjoy having her Mum there, I don’t think it’s the end of the world, unless you genuinely can’t afford another place, in which case stand your ground.

Any update? I hope you stood firm.