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Weddings

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Original poster

Dreading my wedding

38 replies

Outnumberedmum4 · 30/12/2017 03:16

Apologies in advance for the long message! I am getting married in August and I am dreading it. Not because I don't want to marry my amazing h2b but just because of the stress of the day.
Our budget has drastically dropped due to having the opportunity to buy a house last month. We have put deposits down on a lot of things for the day and I am now unsure if we can afford them. I have bought my dress on a spur of the moment appointment and am now regretting it as it was such a quick decision. We were let down by our cake lady and can't find another one in our budget that has space on our date. My h2b's brother and sister in law have decided to spend the summer abroad and only get home a week before the wedding meaning they won't be around for the stag do or hen do or any dress fittings (she is one of my bridesmaids and he is best man). My bridesmaids (I have 5) are disagreeing with the dresses I have chosen and all agreed on one that doesn't come in the colour theme we have meaning I would need to change it or they would need to wear a dress they don't feel comfortable in.
We are beginning to wonder if the stress is worth it. Do we cut our losses and go and get married just the 2 of us and our parents? AIBU with everything? What would you do??

OP posts:

theredjellybean · 30/12/2017 12:33

oh lordy...where to start...stop the madness now

I would scale back ...so no bridesmaids, cake from m and s or other such establishment, if hiring suits for H2B and best man get best man to gett fitted prior to his trip abroad.

Or better still cancel it all and elope abroad ?)

ZipItZebedee · 30/12/2017 12:49

Weddings are stressful but it sounds like you are making it harder for yourself. Scale the hen and stag right back, get a M and S wedding cake and tell your bridesmaids that you are scaling things right back and that you are relaxing the dress rules drastically. Having 5 perfectly matching bridesmaids is not as important as you and them being relaxed and on good terms. Colour schemes and instagram shots are not important.

Bridesmaids+dresses - This ones easy. Put your foot down, it’s not their choice and they don’t have the option to find it themselves.

I couldn't disagree with this anymore than I do. It's a horrible way to treat your friends.

GreenTulips · 30/12/2017 12:51

I've been a bridesmaid loads and never had a choice in dress or colour - we tried them on and worn them. No big deal. Brides day and all that.

No friends would complain either

yrhengi · 30/12/2017 12:56

Mis matched bridesmaids are a 'thing' now anyway, according to all those wedding blogs. ASOS do really nice bridesmaids dresses, mostly variations on a theme in a few simple neutral-ish colours. Pick your colour, tell the bridesmaids to pick a style and to buy it in the January sales. THE END.

meltingsugar · 30/12/2017 13:06

Sounds like you have made a rod for your own back, like someone else said, scale the madness back or accept it will only get worse/embrace it the best you can.

I didn't have a wedding cake and bought my dress kind of spur of the moment. Thing is, I'm a believer that nothing will ever he perfect, wedding days are about the couple for me and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as they've been fed and watered and had a reasonable time which, for me, is being at the ceremony and watching a marriage unfold from there, none of the add ons and expenses required, they're just options extras if the bride and groom want to do it that way. My wedding had 55 guess all day, so it wasn't teeny and I wouldn't say we did it on a shoestring, but I didn't entertain anything crazy. I binned off one of my bridesmaids because she had a bee in her bonnet about her ex/not ex coming (their relationship had DV) when we had said no (after yet another major bust up). It's just not worth the stress to me. Mine was still plenty stressful and like I say, I was quite ruthless/wary of it becoming a circus. I had two bridesmaids and didn't invite all the family if I didn't like them/didn't want them there.

Original poster

Outnumberedmum4 · 30/12/2017 16:50

Thank you all so much for your help and advice!! You have made me feel a million times better.
We have searched through the M & S website and decided to get a cake from there. I am going to give my bridesmaids a budget and let them pick their own dresses but keeping to our colour - brilliant idea so thank you. I am going to do the flowers myself and get artificial ones. We are also thinking of having a "hag" do instead of a separate stag and hen and just keeping it law key - maybe a party in the house.
We have revised our budget and what we definitely want/need and what can be cut. We are just going to relax with everything and if it doesn't work out then oh well! H2b and I both agreed that all that matters is us being husband and wife! Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:

MyBrilliantDisguise · 30/12/2017 16:54

I would have a wedding with just family and then have a housewarming party with a wedding cake afterwards. Honestly, you're mad spending money on bridesmaids' dresses and stuff like that when you've got a lovely new house to spend money on!

Jaxhog · 30/12/2017 17:03

Cut your losses and make a wedding with what you have already committed to. It's the marriage that's important, not the wedding.

If the marriage is good, you'll look back after 25 years on your wedding day and just remember the good bits, and what's in the photos. You won't remember that the bridesmaids didn't like their dresses (they never do), or the cake wasn't exactly like you thought it would be (it never is).

Jaxhog · 30/12/2017 17:04

Good idea to get artificial flowers. I've been married over 40 years and still have my bouquet!

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2017 17:08

Just remind yourself what it’s about, the two of you get legally wed. Everything else is a choice.

BendingSpoons · 30/12/2017 17:09

Great to see you are making positive plans and sound less stressed Just wanted to add that we had an M&S cake. It was a 3 tier chocolate one with roses down the side. It tasted AMAZING and I still think about how good it was! (I don't work for them honestly!)

mummyhaschangedhername · 30/12/2017 17:39

Just simplify things. Weddings don't need to be massive expensive parties. Just decide why you are getting married (if it's about the party then postpone until you can afford, if it's just about the marriage then simplify the wedding) ... half the guest list, get a marks and Spencer or Waitrose cake, stop caring what anyone else will think and just do a unique and special wedding for you.

Mamabear14 · 30/12/2017 20:59

We had this exact problem. Booked a fancy wedding, then moved. It ruined our savings and we just couldn't afford it anymore. We were SO BLOODY stressed.
Anyway, we cancelled the big stately home. Waste of time. Then when we were having another conversation about finances my now DH said 'I've got a week off next month, let's take the kids and our parents and just do it' so we did!
Little hotel. 12 of us, including photographer. We did spend out on him as he was already booked for the fancy one and had been paid already. Late wedding, a drink and a sit down meal. Couple more photos and glasses of wine and everyone had buggered off by 10pm. Was wonderful!
We used dandie fake flowers. And asda for the cake. £35 and was really nice.
We have many siblings and I think some were upset they didn't get an invite but they added 25 people on inc kids and it just gets silly then.
Do what YOU want. Having a quiet wedding was the best thing for us. A house is so much more important.

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