How to word the dress code...

[MidnightDexy]

I know dress codes on wedding invitations are a divisive issue, but some of our guests will need a steer. Allow me to explain...

We are having a semi-formal (i would say 'normal') wedding this summer. At every wedding i have ever been to with my family or my friends, men have worn suits and ties (standard business dress) and ladies have worn a dress of some description (with or without a hat/fascinator).

My fiance is from another (European) country. I attended his grandfather's funeral last year at the local church and half of the grandchildren came in jeans, trainers and a jumper/teeshirt. The eldest son (my fiance's uncle) came in stonewashed jeans, a short sleeve lumberjack shirt, and desert boots.

Rightly or wrongly, i don't want this happening at our wedding. My family are very far from 'posh' but they (again, rightly or wrongly) consider dressing appropriately for the occasion to be a mark of manners and respect. My family have never met his extended family and i don't want first impressions on our wedding day to mean they get off on the wrong foot. I can't be bothered with the stress tbh.

Anyway for those reasons we will be putting a dress code on our invitations. If I were only inviting English speakers then I would put "Dress code: Lounge suits", on the understanding that a UK bloke would interpret that to mean shirt and tie, and a woman would interpret that to mean smart dress/skirt and jacket.

What should i write for the women - "evening dress"? "cocktail dresses"? "elegant dress"?

("Smart-casual" is just going to be a recipe for disaster).

Again, appreciate people have opposing views on invitations with a dress code but i am not looking for a flaming, just advice on how best to word this! What the hell is the female equivalent of "lounge suit"?

Just noticed this thread is a month old, I imagine OP has probably sent the invitations by now...

Oh FFS I hadn't noticed...

I would just put dress code: smart/formal

You can't control the situation any more than that and I would let it go. It's not a mark of disrespect to be underdressed for an occasion you need to try and rethink that.

Aw shit I hadn't noticed either oops lol

Oh and it's the ClampetTs, if you really want to call them that

I think that you are getting an unfair pasting too.

90% of women will have something smart in their wardrobe, be it trousers and a blouse, summer dress, skirt and top or whatever. Most people have a pair of passable footwear even if it is just clean sandals. Most girls have a party outfit as do most boys (even school trousers and a shirt would do). Most men own trousers and a shirt. No massive expense is required.

It isn't unreasonable to ask guest to wear their smarter clothes rather than their casual wear. How to word it politely is another matter.

I think you need to get Mil on side with this as she will know the cultural side and the individual personalities of the guests and the best way to approach it with them.

If they can't afford/don't want to buy clothes especially for the occasion, would you prefer them to stay home?

Hi Drusilla, yes, that's exactly what I'd prefer they do.

I look like a sack of shite in a dress so that would stump me

Sorry to hear that Drusilla, shame for you.