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Original poster

My family didn't get me a present

72 replies

Kiki1984 · 26/08/2015 11:01

We got married earlier this year on our own but we told our families about it before. Nobody seemed to be upset or anything so it was fine. Then at the weekend just past we through a big party for family and friends to celebrate. We got dressed up again, had a buffet and loads of alcohol for our guests. Plus a professional photographer so it kind of was like another wedding day. I realised yesterday after we had gon through all our cards and gifts that nobody from my immediate family got me anything. My mum got me a card and present but nobody else. I'm beyond hurt and I spoke to one my sisters and none of them had been planning a big gift or anything to surprise me. I'll certainly get pity and guilt gifts now they know I'm upset. I've spoken to my friends about it and nobody has Ever heard anything like it! Do they not realise how much they have hurt me? :( has this happened to anyone else? All our friends in attendance got us cards and gifts and my husbands family not only paid for a surprise meal the actual day we eloped but they also gave us gifts at party too! I don't think I'll ever get over this :( just feel like nobody cares about me! Xx

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 26/08/2015 11:04

They came to the party to help you celebrate so they do Care.

I dont get why you eloped then had a reception so much later though.

Tiggeryoubastard · 26/08/2015 11:04

Are you always this melodramatic?

YouMakeMyDreams · 26/08/2015 11:08

I have never understood the elopement then a big party exactly like a wedding afterwards you may as well have just had the wedding.
You are totally over reacting though. You had a party or did you have the party to get gifts? Yes most people turn up to a wedding with a present but they don't have to and really this wasn't a wedding it was a party months after so they probably didn't think gifts were necessary.

Tiggeryoubastard · 26/08/2015 11:22

People you never invited to your wedding didn't get you a present. Fair enough. Now you have a party and react like this because you get no gifts for having a party? You sound about 5. And 'got dressed up' - please don't say you put on a wedding dress.

Original poster

Kiki1984 · 26/08/2015 11:29

Omg I didn't think I was going to be attacked like this! I'm talking about my brothers and sisters! They didn't get me even a card! I'm not talking about money or anything like that! I didn't expect actual gifts as it wasn't a wedding but just a party after. The reason we did it this way as we couldn't afford a big wedding day and we are both quite private people and wanted to be alone and have a romantic day on our own. But we still wanted to celebrate with our friends and family then. To be honest the party was more for them than for us. I wanted some advice I didn't want to be attacked on here. I feel bad enough as it is!

OP posts:

Orange1969 · 26/08/2015 11:34

I never understand why people expect wedding presents. Did you ask for presents or have a wedding list?

Did you expect that, having provided booze etc, that you should receive presents in return?

You didn't invite anyone to your wedding so why would you expect presents?

It sounds to me as though you want it both ways that's what she said in that you don't invite people to your wedding but then have a big party in the hope that you will be lavished with presents. How grasping!

Taylor22 · 26/08/2015 11:35

You sound spoilt and entitled and that's being nice.
You didn't invite them to your wedding. You were well witching your rights to have exactly the wedding you wanted and I hope you had a brilliant day however that doesn't mean they owe you anything. Maybe they can't afford it? Maybe they didn't think you'd have a hissy for and would instead be enjoying your time as a newly wed.
Bottom line you should ring people and apologise. They came to your party and you should be grateful of that alone. Anything extra is a privilege but not necessary.

Tiggeryoubastard · 26/08/2015 11:36

Why would they get you a card for a party? You sound ridiculously histrionic. The only advice I could give is grow up.

emotionsecho · 26/08/2015 11:37

You're contradicting yourself, firstly you are upset and don't think you'll ever get over it because your family didn't get you anything and haven't arranged a big surprise gift for you and then you say you didn't expect actual gifts as it wasn't a wedding party but just a big party 'more for them than us'.

If you don't know what the party actually was for, or whether you did or didn't want gifts how do you expect your family to know?

EcclefechanTart · 26/08/2015 11:38

A bit at these replies. I know of several people who have eloped abroad, and whose family and friends have been keen for them to have a party when they get back so that they can celebrate together. It wouldn't be what I'd do myself, but I don't think it's weird.

And if I were invited to one of these, I would certainly take a gift. My cousin had something like this last month, and although I couldn't go, I sent £50 in a card, which I think was very normal.

Bellebella · 26/08/2015 11:40

Really don't know why you expected presents. You got married, and? Not that big of a deal to people.

Seriously you did not even have your family at your wedding and it was months ago. So you wanted presents for a party?

You are being too dramatic. It really is not a big deal.

PamPoovey · 26/08/2015 11:41

Did you have the party so that you could celebrate your marriage with your family

Or because you wanted presents and cards?

Because you're acting like it's option 2.

VeryEarlyDays · 26/08/2015 11:42

What card did you want them to send you?
you haven't answered the key question - by dressed up do you mean put on a wedding dress?
there are customs in some cultures where people pay to pinch/touch the bride for good luck, maybe you should have done that in order to ensure you got something out of your party...

BeatieBo · 26/08/2015 11:43

Threads like this always shock me. I would never be upset over not getting a gift. We didn't have a gift list when we got married, they seem so wrong. Some people gave us gifts, others didn't. We weren't offended just pleased they came and shared our day with us. You seem to be contradicting yourself over what you want and it saddens me that people are judged on whether or not they bring gifts.

QuietIsland2 · 26/08/2015 11:44

I had a very small wedding with immediate family in attendance. We don't like a lot of fuss and are quite private - about 30 people were there. We didn't have a big party for extended family at a later date and I think this annoyed some but there you go.

If I had been invited to Kiki's party to celebrate her marriage I would have brought a card and a small gift.

Marcipex · 26/08/2015 11:45

Your husbands family paid for a surprise meal the day you eloped?

How is that an elopement then? Or did you elope but return for dinner time?

Marcipex · 26/08/2015 11:46

And who was surprised? Them or you?

TotalConfucius · 26/08/2015 11:46

I would have expected wedding cards from my family upon my return from 'the elopement'. I would not have expected presents at all tbh as unless they are there with you on the day, it's meaningless. It's like someone giving you your xmas pressie in February because they didn't see you over xmas.
And I don't really hold with having the 'reception' months after the event. Don't see why you expect people to give you 'wedding' style gifts such as toasters, fondues, cutlery sets, when you married months ago and presumably have an established home with your husband.
So in my view you should get over it.

Tiggeryoubastard · 26/08/2015 11:46

And whining/bitching to your friends who 'have never heard the like'? 'Don't they know how much they've hurt me' 'I'll never get over it'. You sound immature and possibly narcissistic. Absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster

Kiki1984 · 26/08/2015 11:48

Thank you all for your lovely replies! I don't think I'm being spoilt or dramatic expecting a card from my family to congratulate me on getting married. People get married in different ways. It's a personal decision and one thy all supported me doing. I'm being attacked for being "spoilt and melodramatic" If you actually knew me I'm not like that at all! Getting a card (I'm not talking about presents here) means that the person who has bought it to you thought about you and wanted to congratulate you. I didn't get one from my family and that's what has hurt me. The reason we have waited a few months to have the party is because we had to save up to throw it. Can't believe I'm having to explain my decisions to you all. All I was asking for was some advice. I thought that was what this website was for. If you want to attack me and call me names please don't. I would never ever attack someone on here

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 26/08/2015 11:49

You're not being attacked, but you are being unreasonable. The advice you're being given is to let it go because this is your issue and not theirs. You wanted a small wedding without them which you got. You say the party wasn't about presents so why are you worried?

PotteringAlong · 26/08/2015 11:50

They do care, they came to the party! You don't need a £2.50 bit of
Card to tell you they care.

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 11:50

I think it is ridiculous to expect presents. I agree you sound about 5. Any relative of mine who reacted like that because I didn't get them a present I would assume was still in nappies.

I agree with previous advice. Grow up! How can an adult be hurt by not getting a card or present?

Badders123 · 26/08/2015 11:51

Wow.
amazing how many people equate love = cash/gifts isn't it?

Original poster

Kiki1984 · 26/08/2015 11:52

I've just seen some other replies.. Think I'll stick with asking my real friends who know me for advice when I need it. Horrible and uncalled for comments above

OP posts:

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