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Original poster

My family didn't get me a present

72 replies

Kiki1984 · 26/08/2015 11:01

We got married earlier this year on our own but we told our families about it before. Nobody seemed to be upset or anything so it was fine. Then at the weekend just past we through a big party for family and friends to celebrate. We got dressed up again, had a buffet and loads of alcohol for our guests. Plus a professional photographer so it kind of was like another wedding day. I realised yesterday after we had gon through all our cards and gifts that nobody from my immediate family got me anything. My mum got me a card and present but nobody else. I'm beyond hurt and I spoke to one my sisters and none of them had been planning a big gift or anything to surprise me. I'll certainly get pity and guilt gifts now they know I'm upset. I've spoken to my friends about it and nobody has Ever heard anything like it! Do they not realise how much they have hurt me? :( has this happened to anyone else? All our friends in attendance got us cards and gifts and my husbands family not only paid for a surprise meal the actual day we eloped but they also gave us gifts at party too! I don't think I'll ever get over this :( just feel like nobody cares about me! Xx

OP posts:

PamPoovey · 26/08/2015 11:52

"Getting a card means that the person has thought about you."

Going to the months later party for someone who presumably regularly acts like a spoilt madam shows they are thinking about you. Far more than a 99p offering from The Card Factory with a hastily scrawled generic message inside.

Your priorities are seriously messed up.

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 11:53

Getting a card (I'm not talking about presents here) means that the person who has bought it to you thought about you and wanted to congratulate you

Nonsense.

Getting a card means someone is stupid enough to throw money down the drain and waste the planets resources on a bit of rubbish.

I hate cards. I never send them, even for birthdays, christmas etc.

Badders123 · 26/08/2015 11:53

My parents didn't get me a card when I got married.
They were a bit busy putting up relatives, helping me with last minute jobs and generally being helpful!
It's a card.
Grow up.

Badders123 · 26/08/2015 11:53

"I don't think I will ever get over this"

And you don't think you are being melodramatic!?

Wow.

Orange1969 · 26/08/2015 11:54

No one is calling you names!

You had your private wedding, then a party for all friends and family several months afterward. To me, that is a party and NOT a wedding reception.

You are throwing a strop because you didn't get cards from your family and now you have made them feel bad? I think that is poor form, tbh.

Have whatever wedding you like, but you have no right to expect gifts, cards etc.

Thisismyfirsttime · 26/08/2015 11:54

If you didn't expect actual gifts as you say and would have been happy with just a card you might not want to entitle your thread 'My family didn't get me a present'. It gives off the wrong idea.

Badders123 · 26/08/2015 11:55

I LOVE Aibu!
Op: Aibu?
everyone: yes
Op: no I'm not you're all horrid!
:)

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 11:55

no they are not horrible and uncalled for comments.

We are just putting you straight about how everyone else sees this situation.

Your expectation of gifts and cards, and decision to feel hurt because you didn't get them is TOTALLY out of kilter with how most people would read the situation.

how can you be hurt for people not guessing what your strange and abnormal expectations were going to be?

LastOneDancing · 26/08/2015 11:55

I'd have expected a congratulations card from close family at the time of my marriage - not at the party months later. Didn't they send/say anything then?

I'd say they were more hurt by your elopement than they let on if they haven't acknowledged it at all.

PotteringAlong · 26/08/2015 11:56

Who is calling you names? No one! What hasn't happened is that people aren't falling over themselves to tell you how horrible your family are and how you should go none contact immediately. Because, to be honest, in the real world they've done nothing wrong.

Orange1969 · 26/08/2015 11:56

Ask your real friends, by all means, but don't post on a forum unless you want honest replies! People are usually less blunt in real life. Your friends will probably sympathise with you - it sounds to me that you want sympathy and cash more than "advice".

LastOneDancing · 26/08/2015 11:59

This isn't AIBU though.

Be nice. She's upset.

I liked reading my planet destroying wedding cards.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 26/08/2015 11:59

My immediate family/ILs didn't get me presents at my wedding either. I didn't expect them to and it didn't cross my mind to be annoyed, less so if I hadn't even invited them to the wedding in the first place. I'm sorry you feel attacked, I can understand that but it may possibly be the way your OP was worded, I'm sure it will all work out

Bellebella · 26/08/2015 12:00

People are giving you honest replies. I think a piece of card months after someone got married is pointless. Waste of money. You got married months ago and they obviously do care if they came to the party.

Badders123 · 26/08/2015 12:01

No one has been nasty.
She asked for opinions.
She got them
They just weren't the ones she wanted.

emotionsecho · 26/08/2015 12:01

Re-read your opening post Kiki1984 it's all about gifts. You cannot see you are back-tracking and contradicting yourself in your later posts, did the family know this party was a delayed reception for a wedding they were not invited to?

Also, what is the point of receiving Wedding Cards months after the actual wedding took place?

You wanted small, private, romantic wedding for just the two of you, you had that, you then threw a party for your friends and family months later and expected them to treat it as a wedding reception even though you threw the party 'for them'?

CremeEggThief · 26/08/2015 12:03

Grow up, OP.

TotalConfucius · 26/08/2015 12:04

But now you are talking about cards.
Your thread title is about presents.
You chose to have 'the elopement' style wedding which translates as a no fuss, extremely private event from which they were excluded. I agree it would have been nice to return to a few congratulations cards on the doormat at the time, just to mark the day. But perhaps they were more upset than you thought they were about 'the elopement'. But they decided that as it was what you wanted they wouldn't make a fuss.
Now it's your turn to accept that they have done as they wanted, and not make a fuss.
I am not attacking you, in everyday life you may be the epitome of good sensible considered response. But in this you are being unreasonable to make such a to-do and to sound so dramatic about it.

G1veMeStrength · 26/08/2015 12:06

YABU, is there something else the matter at the bottom of this?

'I feel like no one cares about me' - is your husband/wife a decent loving person?

BabyGanoush · 26/08/2015 12:07

Sorry but it comes across as egocentric and attention seeking.

I might not have brought a present, as it was all a bit vague...not a wedding, but a party. I don't always bring gifts to parties. Maybe a bottle or some flowers, or maybe not.

I am sorry you are very upset about this, but I think you sound high maintenance.

G1veMeStrength · 26/08/2015 12:07

Sorry just realised this is Weddings not AIBU. (However you are still BU)

TyrannosaurusBex · 26/08/2015 12:10

Not sure Hallmark do a 'congratulations on having a party' card.

Shutthatdoor · 26/08/2015 12:10

Omg I didn't think I was going to be attacked like this! I'm talking about my brothers and sisters! They didn't get me even a card!

Well maybe they are upset that you eloped and weren't at the wedding. Just because they 'seemed to be', it doesn't mean they are.

sanfairyanne · 26/08/2015 12:12

I dont think we got anything from siblings either. I wouldnt have expected anything though, kind of like we are 'so close we dont need to'?

Funinthesun15 · 26/08/2015 12:12

I don't think I'll ever get over this

Good grief, let's hope nothing actually major ever happens in your life

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