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Original poster

Donations to food bank as gifts

18 replies

Wellthen · 22/03/2014 14:20

While idly reading wedding websites and pondering (wedding isn't for nearly a year) a thought popped into my. As well as the normal gift registry, what about a 'food bank' hamper at the reception next to the gift table?

Is this a completely naff/rude/weird idea? If you were told this would be at a wedding you were going to and you're happy with food banks, would you donate?

Disclaimer: my thoughts on gift lists have changed constantly. I know some think they are very rude. In the end we decided that many people will buy us gifts as they feel it is traditional: they may as well have an indication of what to buy. People have said to us that they find them helpful and prefer them to 'no gifts'.

OP posts:

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/03/2014 14:24

Well, I like to buy something for the bride and groom to use/keep/enjoy/male memories with so id be a bit about food bank donations. If I gave cash, would you then spend that on food for the food bank or would you take it on your honeymoon and do something memorable with it?

Id maybe take a token tin of something but I would want to treat the b&g.

Part of me always feel a little about being instructed to donate to charity too. If and when I donate its because its something I feel personally about.

purpleroses · 23/03/2014 07:47

Personally no I wouldn't. If I want to give to charity I will do that myself. I think giving a present so someone getting married is about choosing something for them that they'd like and possibly something they'll remember you by.

I just don't see how a wedding should be a fundraising exercise.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 07:53

I love it! But it might be hard to transport so I'd go with donations to a charity.

Much better than all this give us money for a holiday crap.

FuckingFuck · 23/03/2014 08:00

Personally I would bring something for the food bank if It was requested but can see the point of some previous posters as why they may not want to.

If you are unsure about how people will react and are having a gift list as well anyway why not just make a donation of your own to a local food bank? You could do this instead of having favours for guests and print little cards for the tables explaining that you have donated to X food bank in lieu of favours.

We are doing this at our wedding with a local charity very close to our hearts and I think it's a nice way to incorporate some charitable donation into your wedding without dictating to guests about how they spend their own money.

Thewhingingdefective · 23/03/2014 08:04

What Fuckingfuck said. A donation to the foodbank in lieu of favours is a good idea.

I personally wouldn't want to be arriving at the wedding reception with a tin of peas in my handbag, although I fully believe in supporting our foodbanks.

Ragwort · 23/03/2014 08:05

I think it's a great idea but as others have pointed out it may be impractical to carry it all out; I really think wedding 'gifts' are so uncecessary now that most people have their own homes and I hate the naffness of asking for donations for the honeymoon - if you can't afford a honeymoon don't have a great big flashy wedding .

And please, nobody wants more 'photo frames' .

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 08:19

Someone always suggests photo frames. Or a pair of champagne flutes, so the couple ends up with 50 mismatched, useless glassware.

noblegiraffe · 23/03/2014 08:21

No! it's a wedding, not a harvest festival. Guests turning up with bags of of pasta and tins of tuna to the service and do is not going to do anything but be a pain in the arse for them, and make them fret about what on earth sort of donation will be considered acceptable.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 23/03/2014 08:30

Fine by me. I went to a wedding recently where cash was suggested (not in a grabby way, even though bank account details were given) and the letter said that a percentage would be donated to three named charities, which I thought was nice.

Disclaimer - I know that some people think that any request for cash instantly renders the couple grabby, but they are a couple who both had homes of their own before marriage hence already had all they need. They are devout Christians who spend a lot of time on charitable endeavours and the wedding was simple, beautiful and everything about it was designed to make the guests lives as easy as possible. Definitely not grabby.

Ragwort · 23/03/2014 08:48

But why ask for money at all Who - if you can afford a nice wedding and have a lovely home then you clearly don't need anything else ........... surely there there is a positive phrase that you can use, (can't think of the exact wording at the moment) along the lines that you genuinely do not want or need any gifts but if guests really want to contribute something to do the day then a donation to X charity would be appreciated.

Perhaps I am rude but I have got to the age when presents/gifts are really not wanted and I no longer feel 'obliged' to take gifts when I go to an event. (most of the weddings I am now invited to are 2nd if not 3rd weddings ).

My (second) wedding was very small, we made it clear we did not want gifts and we didn't receive any .

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 08:49

Cash 'suggested' with bank details is grabby as all fuck!

I agree with Ragwort, if you don't need anything, that includes money, too.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 23/03/2014 09:00

Well, maybe as I know this couple and that they are anything but grabby I know that it isn't. No one else thought so either when we discussed it at work (we are all colleagues). Weddings is definitely an area where reality and MN do not meet for me, I've yet to received a wedding /invitation/instruction that I have found to be in any way insulting.

Original poster

Wellthen · 23/03/2014 09:05

Thanks guys, an interesting mix of opinions.

We would also have a 'normal' gift list as well so no one would be expected to donate but I agree people may well feel odd about bringing food to the wedding and it wont really work unless lots are on board with it.

Completely agree about asking for money - if you afford a wedding then you don't need that much money. Lots of people like to give gifts. If they ask and you say 'money would be useful' then fine. But to put it on the invites is rude I think.

I shall put the food hamper idea on the back burner!

OP posts:

SoonToBeSix · 23/03/2014 09:24

I think making your own donation in lieu of favors is a brilliant idea.

Cringechilli · 23/03/2014 09:30

Some people may give you money anyway. Why don't you just give that money to the food bank. Maybe I have misunderstood but if people come with a gift and put it on the gift table, are they then expected to increase this gift by giving to the food bank as well? I would not be particularly pleased as a guest as weddings can be very expensive to attend in the first place. I don't think I would donate anyway. I do actually donate to food banks anyway, I just wouldn't "get it" I suppose if it was at a wedding.

EdithWeston · 23/03/2014 09:32

A charity gift list (whether goats or food bank) suits some people. But I wouldn't have a hamper for actual food items at the reception for logistic reasons. So OP, I think you're making the right decision.

StealthPolarBear · 23/03/2014 09:34

"f. I think giving a present so someone getting married is about choosing something for them that they'd like and possibly something they'll remember you by."

But what if what the couple would like is s donation to afood bank?

ThePartyArtist · 24/03/2014 14:59

I like the idea of a charity donation - people do this at funerals in lieu of flowers so why not at weddings in lieu of unnecessary wine glasses / toasters / silverware etc! I think however it's not entirely practical to get people to bring tins on the day. Maybe just a cash collection (could be on the bar at the reception, and draw people's attention to it on the order of service / invitation / speeches)? I went to a wedding recently where the favours were little cards which explained a mosquito net or similar had been bought on your behalf, through a donation to UNICEF. I thought that was really lovely.

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