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Original poster

Small wedding-ok to invite best friend but not hubby and kids?

15 replies

FedupofTurkey · 06/02/2013 19:17

We're having a really small wedding. The daytime do consists of mainly close family. I would like to invite my 2 closest friends, however they are both married and have kids. We can't afford to add an extra 7 people to accommodate their hubby and kids but i would've invited them all to the eve do.

Is it acceptable to invite my 2 friends to the daytime, then their families to the eve?

OP posts:

alarkaspree · 06/02/2013 19:23

I think it would be fine to exclude their kids, but it feels wrong to me to invite one half of a couple to a wedding. Would it be an option to just invite the friends and husbands? If not, if they're very close friends and the wedding is genuinely tiny, I'm sure they would understand.

KatherineKrupnik · 06/02/2013 19:27

I wouldn't be offended by this.

AgentProvocateur · 06/02/2013 19:34

I agree that you should invite their husbands too. It seems really impolite not to. (But I'm quite often in a minority on etiquette threads here!)

Original poster

FedupofTurkey · 06/02/2013 19:52

Thanks, i think one hubby wouldn't want to come anyway - plus they can then look after the kids!

OP posts:

Startail · 06/02/2013 20:00

Talk to them and be honest, if they are close friends they will understand.
Personally having DH at home to baby sit is way easier than someone saying no kids.

We just had no babysitters except each other.

Chrysanthemum5 · 06/02/2013 20:03

If its a really tiny wedding I'd say it would be fine to ask of your friends would be ok to come on their own.

Of course bear in mind they are free to say no because they may simply not want to come alone.

DamsonJam · 06/02/2013 20:12

My friend did this and I was absolutely fine with it (as were the 3 other friends who were invited - all of them solo despite being part of couples) - I was honoured to have been invited to such a small do, and I had no problem looking for someone to mind the kids. I had a great time.

That said, a couple of my other friends (who don't know the friend whose wedding it was but knew I was going to a wedding to which I had been invited, but not my husband (iyswim) said they thought it was very odd and they would be offended). I thought they were odd for thinking that, but it means there are clearly different opinions on the matter.

Only you know your friends and how they might react. Talk to them and gauge their reaction.

DamsonJam · 06/02/2013 20:13

Oh - and congratulations! :-)

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 06/02/2013 20:18

Congratulations!

In terms of your suggestion, I'm not keen on this at all. Etiquette rules are that couples are invited as a couple or not at all.

What is it at the daytime event that will cost So much extra if you invite 7 more people?

To be honest, I'd just leave your friends til the evening do if you don't want to invite partners. I dont think You have to invite kids, I personally hate 'no kids' invites, but accept this is personal taste.

GoldenGreen · 06/02/2013 22:12

Would be fine with me if I knew the reason!

Leeds2 · 07/02/2013 18:21

Would be fine with me, but I would explain to them why I had done it that way, and to make sure that they understood that their husbands (and children) were welcome in the evening.

PincessLuna · 08/02/2013 11:22

If it really is a teeny-tiny wedding (like 10-15 guests) then I would be fine with this, but otherwise I think you need to invite the husbands.

Also would you be expecting them to travel far or stay overnight? I was invited to a small(ish) wedding abroad but my other half was not invited. I did actually say to the bride that if I was going to be spending a lot of time and money going abroad for her wedding I did expect my other half to be invited too!!

Just talk to your friends open and honestly.

Good luck

YouOldSlag · 08/02/2013 11:29

I don't like couples being split up at weddings and I am really sad to see it's happening more and more. Personally I think it's the height of bad manners and the start of a very unpleasant trend where the cost of the wedding is at the expense of guest's feelings.

NB this is not because DH and I are joined at the hip, I just think it's bad manners to only invite one and it looks like a snub.

OP invite them all to the evening, or just the couples to the wedding. The husband you say won't like it can then decide for himself, rather than not be invited at all.

If I had an invite which effectively said "Dear Slag, come to my wedding but don't bring your husband of 7 years", then I would be declining and sending a nice card.

PoppadomPreach · 08/02/2013 11:35

I'm with those who say if it really is a tiny wedding, the family only plus two friends, then I'd totally understand if I was invited without DH or kids. In fact I'd be quite touched that I had been invited to join such a select group!

I have to disagree with youoldslag's comments - if it was a big wedding and couple just wanted to invite their own friends without partners then I say yes, that's selfish and only thinking of bride and grooms requirements. But if it is tiny, especially where finances are driving that decision, I don't think it is selfish at all.

A compromise may be to invite the DHs and not the kids. I'd be absolutely fine with that too.

YouOldSlag · 08/02/2013 16:10

PoppadomPreach (great name!) I kind of...sort of...nearly understand if the wedding is "mum, dad, sister and two best friends", or if its a work colleagues and you're inviting in a big group from work, but I've been seeing this question a lot lately, and I don't like the direction it's going in.

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