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Original poster

Top tips for how to be most irratating Wedding guest?

30 replies

JennyNanny · 26/07/2012 22:17

My cousin is getting married soon and me and the OH are invited along with a reluctant posse of family.
I don't really like my cousin, he is Smug. (Politer words than used by my mother who managed to slip in several expletives)
The wedding will surely be a celebration of him (not their undying love) and no doubt will involve various Smug events and activities.
The password to his wedding site is "awesome" and as a female guest I have been advised to wear flat shoes due to some mysterious "surprise" reception activity that the more I think about the more nervous I get.
Will we have to, for example, catch the run away bride who suddenly realises what she is doing?

Anyway, any passive-aggressive tips that I can use to ease the horror? Perhaps wearing a canary yellow dress, clownish make up and an insistance to be at the front of every picture?

OP posts:
Romilly70 · 26/07/2012 22:25

You sound dreadful.
Why did you (and your family) accept his invitation if it's going to be such an ordeal?

SuddenlyMadameGlamour · 26/07/2012 22:27

Deliberately ruin someone's wedding day? Nice.

Original poster
JennyNanny · 26/07/2012 22:33

Of course I would never actually do anything, I'm not going to ruin anyone's bloody wedding.
Was hoping for some light hearted jibes to get me through the day.
But I feel a bitch now, thanks

OP posts:
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:37

Wear a shell suit and trainers because you thought the surprise might be Olympuc related.

And insist on bringing a torch which must stay lit.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:38

Or take along embarrassing photos of him to show constantly.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:39

You could decline to eat the meal or buffet and spread out a picnic only for your family.

MissKeithLemon · 26/07/2012 22:39

Take his ex as your plus one Jenny? also getting the lighthearted vibe

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:40

Maybe you could snort and laugh at every one of his "wow me" moments and proclaim loudly " if only you guys really knew..."

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:41

Yay! MKL I was worried I was on my own here...

EightiesOlympicGolds · 26/07/2012 22:44

Definitely take the embarrassing childhood snaps of him along, plus any embarrassing anecdotes you can remember make up. I would aim to look smoking yourself, though you could always consider a huge satellite dish style Lady Gaga hat.

Shudder at the 'surprise' reception. Are you going to be told the food's at the top of a mountain or something? Take crampons in your handbag...

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:44

Follow him around with a video camera commentating on every thing he does? "and here is the groom having a drink, oh and now he's standing here waiting, oh and now he's off for a little wander. Smile for the camera!!!!"

Beamae · 26/07/2012 22:45

I don't think you sound dreadful! You sound like you have a sense of humour.

You should wear a long, white dress and a tiara. Grin

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 26/07/2012 22:46

You should cry when they announce the surprise " what? Swing dancing?? My best friend just died in a tragic swing dance accident. Waaaaa"

2tired2bewitty · 26/07/2012 22:46

Become vegan, allow bride and groom to go to trouble and expense to ensure there is something for you to eat. Then fail to show up. no no, I'm not bitter

VeremyJyle · 26/07/2012 22:46

Wear black in homage to "that phase he went through of loving Addams Family/Rocky Horror Show" or something equally camp

VeremyJyle · 26/07/2012 22:48

On the same lines as bea wear a wedding dress "because you know how much he loved that Steps video to Tragedy" "he knew all the moves, so he did"

QuickQuickSloe · 26/07/2012 22:51

Wear the same colour as the bridesmaids accessorised with a bouquet?

JennyNanny1 · 26/07/2012 22:53

I'm glad you don't think I'm awful! It's only a joke (but I'm sorely tempted by the friend dying in a astonishingly similar circumstance to the "surprise" activity.
I actually tried to delete the thread so not to offend (don't want to ruin my rep, yo) but only succeeded in deleting my profile... woops.

JennyNanny1 · 26/07/2012 22:54

2tired2bewitty there's a story there...

2tired2bewitty · 26/07/2012 23:15

Indeed, in fact to get the full effect you must then split up with the family member you were affiliated to so there is no opportunity for explanation or apology!

SrirachaGirl · 26/07/2012 23:30

Insist on bringing your toddler PFB to the ceremony (rather than leaving him with the experienced childcare professionals generously provided by the bride and groom) and let him run around at the front of the chapel brandishing a red lollipop near the bride's gown during the vows .

MarygoeZforgold · 26/07/2012 23:34

There was a fantastic thread on this in Classics. I'll try to find a link Grin.

MarygoeZforgold · 26/07/2012 23:36

Aha, here it is

Enjoy.

MarygoeZforgold · 26/07/2012 23:36

Admittedly it's the other way around, but I'm sure you can adapt the suggestions.

FishfingersAreOK · 26/07/2012 23:47

Die your hair a lurid colour that will clash with the "wedding colour". Wear a different clashing colour - constantly push yourself to the front of all the photos.

Spill red wine on the wedding dress. scared I am revealing an evil side I didn't want to admit was there

Get a bloody irritating ring tone on your phone and get friends to ring you on it all day - particularly during the ceremony.

Talk very loudly to said friends on the phone calls.