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Original poster

Does it matter who 'Gives you away'?

61 replies

ZombiesAteYourCervix · 22/10/2011 20:04

I have have just had a massive HUGE row with DH who dared to suggest that one day he will 'Give Away' our DDS.

HOW FUCKING DARE HE EVEN CONSIDER 'GIVING' MY DDs TO ANYONE??????

They are not his to give away.

NOBODY gave me away. NOBODY will give my Daughters away. If they choose to marry someone they can but they will absolutely NOT be GIVEN to anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZombiesAteYourCervix · 22/10/2011 20:11

Is no one else insenced by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
ZombiesAteYourCervix · 22/10/2011 20:12

Can't spell.

Is no one else cross abouthis?

Shall repost to the Feminists. They'll understand.

OP posts:
RhinestoneCowgirl · 22/10/2011 20:14

no I'm cross about it too - nobody gave me away and DH certainly won't be giving DD away...

crazynannawitchbitch · 22/10/2011 20:20

I never did understand the 'giving away' bit of the ceremony. Must be as old as the hills.

SemperUbiSubUbi · 22/10/2011 20:26

You know what, Ive never ever thought about this at all. As soon as I read your post title I immediately thought what the fuck, its not 1940, why do you need to be given to anybody?

Then read your OP and I see we agree.

scarevola · 22/10/2011 20:28

By the time they're old enough to marry, they'll be old enough to make their own decisions about the style of service and who does what.

It won't be up to either your or DH.

MoTeaVate · 22/10/2011 20:30

scarevola has hit the nail on the head. It will be her wedding, not yours Smile.

PogoBob · 22/10/2011 20:32

My father walked me down the aisle and I'm very glad he did (he died 4 days later) but I never referred to it as 'giving me away'

I can totally understand your anger and really don't understand why we are still using terms like this but can also understand your DHs desire to walk your DDs down the aisle, DH has already spoken of walking our DD down the aisle and she is only 14 mo !!!

pickling · 22/10/2011 20:33

He is being presumptuous to think he will be and you are being presumptuous to think he won't. No-one gave me away but if I'd had a dad I think I would have asked him. My sis was given away by someone she is close to, my mum didn't want to do it. Its a personal choice.

AKissIsNotAContract · 22/10/2011 20:34

Is being walked down the aisle the same as being given away? At all the weddings I've been to, the bride has been walked down the aisle by her dad, but there has never been any implication that they were 'given away'.

cat64 · 22/10/2011 20:39

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cat64 · 22/10/2011 20:40

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TheOriginalFAB · 22/10/2011 20:44

Calm down.

FFS unless your dds are about the be married I think you need to chill. It isn't YOUR decision as to whether they are "given away" to anyone. It is theirs.

I thought this was going to be a sensible debate about who could do the honours if you don't have a father.

giyadas · 22/10/2011 20:44

Don't agree with it personally, won't be given away myself, but Dsis just got married and Dmum gave her away. It's what they chose but Dmum did say that it shouldn't have been her, it should have been Ddad, who passed away long ago. Sad
No room in that scenario for my stompy feminist boots, it's all about what made them happy on the day.

Whelk · 22/10/2011 20:47

I agree.

My mum walked me into the informal registry office wedding (to Tom Petty) but categorically did not GIVE me to dh.

scurryfunge · 22/10/2011 20:50

It is only a role based on tradition. The existing relationship is what matters. Park it in the box marked "tradition". It is no big deal. My landlord gave me away at my wedding!

Thingumy · 22/10/2011 20:53

I gave 'myself away' ie I walked up to dh's side on my own.

I cannot see the big flipping fuss.You are just walking with a loved one/friend/someone off the street/on your own.

AMumInScotland · 22/10/2011 21:00

Very few people actually use the words in the service about "who gives this woman?" etc, though many still walk down the aisle with their father.

If you don't want him to do it, then you'll need to raise your daughters to understand why you feel being walked down the aisle is sexist, anachronistic, patronisinf, whatever, rather than being a nice tradition.

Then when they are old enough to marry, assuming they ever want to do that anyway, they get to choose how to do it. but it'll be their day not yours, so you don't get to say he can't any more than he gets to say he will.

TidyDancer · 22/10/2011 21:05

Not seeing the big deal here at all. Having a massive huge row over such a stupid trivial thing is just ludicrous.

localcrackpot · 22/10/2011 21:07

Well, I told my father I didn't want him to give me away and he didn't come to my wedding.

He's a cunt. We haven't spoken since.

(My parents divorced when I was 4ish. My dad had a strange outlook about what was 'due' to him. The other issue was that I wanted my mum -who brought me up and knew me- to give the speech.)

So you can count me as in agreement with you, AYC.

localcrackpot · 22/10/2011 21:08

Thanks, Tidy. I think it's fairly big.

Original poster
ZombiesAteYourCervix · 22/10/2011 21:10

DH is now miffed that I ranted about MY daughters. not ours.

DD2has pointed out that as she has never been baptised she won't be walking down any aisle anyway.

another beer and more perspective gained.

OP posts:
localcrackpot · 22/10/2011 21:10

Just to add, no-one gave me away. I was 22, white dress etc... I followed the choir in as I often did, being the choirmistress at that church.

Original poster
ZombiesAteYourCervix · 22/10/2011 21:10

But NOBODY will be GIVING MY Daughters to ANYBODY. EVER.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/10/2011 21:13

I really don't think it's a big deal, it's just words. Whatever. We're all entitled to our opinions. I certainly don't think it's worth causing an argument over.