Weaning 18mo off empty boob - how?

[m00ngirl]

Hi, I have a 18mo who has been weaned for months. She is (unfortunately) in nursery all day so my milk supply is now gone totally, which I’m fine with, she eats well and nursery gets her down to sleep no problem at nap time. But at bed time, I become a human dummy (we used to feed to sleep) and there seems to be no way to stop it. If I refuse there’s signs of a meltdown and I don’t want to upset her. We do a warm bottle but she wants boob after that and literally shouts “BOOB” repeatedly whilst tugging at me 🙈 Also happens if we’re together during the day at nap time.

Has anyone else has this?! Is there a gentle way of stopping this and ending BF all together?! I see absolutely no point enduring being gnawed at when my poor boobs are empty.

thanks 😔

I think you just need to be firm
and tell her you don’t have any more milk as she is a big girl. Yes she’ll be upset but she will get over it pretty quickly.
Good luck

You could either go cold turkey and just say “milk is all done, finished” and refuse- hold out during the meltdown, cuddles and reassurance and she will calm down.

Or you could start a countdown- where she gets to nurse for a nominal time then you give a countdown to stop. Then you reduce the time. This is a gentler approach I have seen working well.

She may also be getting some milk there- does she swallow at all? It can often be possible for milk to be there on demand even months after no nursing so I find it odd to think you’d have no milk when she’s actually still been nursing… what makes you think you don’t?

Thank you! Definitely no milk left at all, not a scrap.

I’ve tried the whole “it’s finished” thing but it just winds her up and she stuffs her hand down my top and tugs my boobs and literally launches herself at my chest. Don’t ask me how but she can, against my will, latch from almost position if I’m sitting or carrying her.

so there is no gentle way? Maybe I will have to wear a sports bra or tape on boobs so she physically can’t get them as I’m struggling to keep her off. I think bed times will mean she just cries herself to sleep for a while when I stop being the human dummy. I really, really don’t want that. But I’m at a loss.

You just have to say no. I was going to be away with work for a few days so decided to do it then. There was a meltdown when I got back and said no but it was very short lived.

Ha! This was DD3. You have to be strong, never give in (or else she will keep going forever) and she will give up in a couple of days and move on. (To being a headstrong girl until she is 90). It os so good to do though!

I would recommend looking up Emma Pickett on Instagram. She has a lot of useful info on weaning toddlers.

My son was nearly 3 so a lot older but we did the ‘Booby moon’ book and sent his Milkies away to the moon in a balloon. We read the book for about a year first. The first night was lots of crying to bring it back from the moon, it broke my heart and I also sobbed alongside him. Next day was a little upset and day 3 just a small complain. He did amazing. It’s been around 5 months now and he often asks if the Milkies is coming back from the moon in random conversation, I tell him his is all gone now because he’s a big boy but the Milkies will come back for baby brother just until he’s also a big boy. I want to be really honest with him so he’s not shocked when the baby comes.

18 months is quite young to grasp the concept of it leaving, in all honestly, you probably should have done it abit younger or wait until older but since you find yourself in the predicament I would just get the book anyway, read it for a couple of weeks, send the milk to the moon and then tell her it’s all gone and take her to look at moon when she cries. You have to be willing to be consistent though as you don’t want her to think you’re lying or being dishonest, once it’s gone it’s gone. Oh and definitely wear plasters, I had them on for 2 weeks 😂

Can’t you step away from bedtime, do you have a partner who can start doing bedtimes? I found that helped when I was in a similar position

Can her Dad put her down for a while? Break the habit a bit?
I think you just have to be consistent with “milk all gone”.

The gentle way is to cut down. But no there won’t be a gentle way to stop cold turkey. She’s quite little so tbh I’d be doing the gradual cut down in timings and yes wear a sports bra and a tight top under your clothes when you don’t want her to feed and stick to it.
Dr Jay Gordon also has gentle night weaning tips but this could be tweaked for general weaning I guess.

Thanks for the good advice. I feel bad for her so think I’ll keep going for another month or so and see how we get on… but it does feel weird as literally not a scrap of milk comes out so I’m like a human dummy. First baby so not sure if I’m being kind by allowing it or being ridiculous.

DH could put her to sleep but ultimately she just wants her mum and I don’t really want to take that away but I take the point I may have to if this pattern doesn’t end at some point..!

@m00ngirl You are NOT being ridiculous. Comfort is as valid a reason to nurse as nutrition at this point. Think of it like this, of course they want to be physically attached to their primary caregiver because when they are, that means mummy isn’t going anywhere 🥹 Can you think of anything more comforting for them! My 16mo is the same and also my first. She still gets a bit of milk, but it’s definitely mostly for comfort that she nurses nowadays. I do wish I had a bit more control over it (ie when I’m feeling very touched out or overstimulated, that she’d just stop rather than keep wanting it in those moments), so I do know where you’re coming from! I just wanted to pop on and say there’s nothing wrong with extended breastfeeding or comfort nursing 💗

And dummies are called so because they’re dummy nipples/breasts, so it’s very natural - if very draining - that we feel a bit like human dummies because we are actually what dummies are replacements for!