Help! DH wants us to go vegan!

[SparePartz]

I'm not a good cook and tend to stick with what I know. I'm panicking slightly! He's watched the Netflix show and has decided we should try to eat vegan during the week.

I have some issues:
first and foremost my tea. I drink milk in my tea. We tried oat milk a while back and even he decided it wasn't great. Is there a better option?

Mushy food makes me gag. He's talking eating lentils, peas and beans. Is there any way to prepare them so they're not mushy?

We, especially DS, eat a lot of cheese and yoghurt. How do you keep a growing teenager full without cereal/milk/cheese on toast? We're not looking to try out highly processed vegan copies of non- vegan food.

I cannot eat mushrooms. Well, I can eat them but then get horrific stomach cramps a few hours later. Lots of recipes seem to be mushroom based.

How do I make sure the DC are getting all the nutrients they need as they come into and through puberty?

Nuts - hazelnuts make DC2's mouth blister, walnuts make my mouth itch and I don't like any other nuts.

Is there an idiots guide to being a vegan somewhere?

Is this a serious question? You are allowed to eat meat when he is cooking i.e when he decides but not when you’re doing it.
Are you in a controlling relationship OP because you don’t seem to have considered the option of saying no?
Why don’t you just tell him to sod off!

Is he usually abusive? Wtf? Do not make your teenager eat vegan ffs, and don't do it if you don't want to for yourself. It's not healthier at all, we are omnivores. If anything it's unhealthy as mostly vegans eat fake upf / soya / tofu which many people react badly to.

If DH wants to go vegan he needs to do all the menu planning, taking into account everyone's allergies & dislikes, shopping and cooking.

This!!

I'm not vegan but went dairy free for my IBS in October. I really struggled with tea as just do not enjoy any alternatives. I've developed a taste for green tea now and genuinely enjoy that. It took a bit of time but now I love it. I was also recommended white tea tea bags which I enjoyed, it's a much less bitter tea than black tea.

Aubergine and/or potato curry using coconut milk is very nice.
I make my own paste, but you could use a shop bought one.
1 diced onion, 1 diced red pepper, 1 diced aubergine. All fried together with some garlic and ginger. Add 1 Tbsp tomato puree, and cook in with a tbsp or 2 of curry paste. I add raw potatoes at this point (but you could add them later to keep them firmer.) Add tinned tomatoes and tin coconut milk and bring to boil then cook on low for 20-30 mins. Stir occasionally. Serve with rice.

To keep potatoes firm you could parboil separately then add around 5-10 mins before the end and make sure to use waxy ones.

It should be your choice though and you should share the work of it (mental and physical).

What a twit he is! Just tell him that if he wants to change his diet he will have to do the research. But you will carry on as you are.

I didn’t register it’s the vegan board, it popped up in active threads and although I’ve opted out of a lot of boards, vegan is useful for my family member who can’t tolerate dairy, eats vegan with stacks of extra bacon and chicken on the side.
I also have a visceral response to those with a vision that expect others to do all the hard graft and suffering.
Vegan at the weekend and he sorts it. That sounds reasonable, provided he takes people’s requirements seriously.

@SparePartz ‘He generally only cooks at the weekend - when he says we can eat meat. He's only wanting to eat vegan M-Fri. Says we need to eat more healthily.’

It would seem sensible to start gently with this new diet, by eating only vegan foods for two days eg at the weekend when he is cooking.

What would he say if you suggested that?

He is being v unreasonable

my dh unilaterally decided to become vegetarian five years ago. There was never any question of the rest of us doing so. As it happened ds decided a few months later he wanted to. I don’t consider myself to be vegetarian and dh has never suggested I should be vegetarian- as it happens I am happy to go with the vegetarian flow 90% of the time but that is entirely my choice

Why are people giving Op meal ideas?

He wants to go part time vegan but only when he isn’t cooking. If he wants to cook vegan meals that suit the family, he can give it a go on weekends.

Why are people expecting Op to do the leg work?

Right so he is expecting YOU to come up with them then?

ridiculous

I do think that generally we should all try and eat less meat btw. But these things have to agreed and decided as a family!

I don't have much advice but I have Alpro vanilla in my tea and it's SO good. I choose it over regular milk (I'm not vegan)

Oh how I'd laugh if DH told me that I'd be eating vegan from now on.
There is nothing stopping him for doing it, but he isn't the boss of me.

Asking for more vegetarian meals, fine. Demanding veganism is a red bloody flag.

OP I would get this thread moved to relationships tbh.

Because this isn’t actually about becoming vegan, it’s about control.

Clearly he has no moral or ethical issues with regards to eating meat considering he’s not only willing to eat it but to cook it himself at the weekend, but he’s decided unilaterally that you will cook vegan meals during the week and that all of you will be eating vegan Monday to Friday from now on. Based on what exactly?

If a man tried to tell me that we would be having vegan every night that I was doing the cooking I would serve him bacon and eggs, lasagnes with plenty of cheese sauce, fried chicken, steak every night. The fuck would I be told what I could eat, and if he didn’t like it he could cook his own dinner, but I wouldn’t be eating it.

FFS the answer is no.

I think I may have watched it too! I struggle to eat veg and an such a meat eater but it was pretty convincing......annoyingly so🥹

My ExH declared we should go vegetarian. I said he should research 2 meals a week that he could cook, I would find 2 recipes and we would muddle through on the other days. We never did 'go veggie'.

For milk:

I prefer the Alpro no sugar almond milk, the ones with sugar in are too sweet for me

You don't need to live off mushrooms and lentils, I tend to just have what I eat when I ate meat but the meat free substitute e.g meat free chicken, mince, meatballs

I have Bolognese, chilli, curries, stir fries, pesto pasta, sausage and mash

DC can still eat dairy free cheese and yogurt. Alpro vanilla soya yoghurt is delicious!

Everything you'd usually eat as a meat eater has a vegan alternative

So sorry just read about not wanting processed.copies of food, ignore me

This. What a dick. Surely all the research, shopping and cooking comes down to him. And that’s only if you’re all willing to do it, which I certainly wouldn’t be. My dd recently needed a hospital stay with a medical emergency, it took quite a long time to diagnose her. We went through a dozen doctors from start to finish and almost every single one asked if she was vegan. I had no opinions on veganism until then, I know they all like to say ‘you can do it healthily’. But after seeing her lying on a hospital bed completely lethargic, borderline emaciated, pale and sallow skin, anemic looking, dark, sunken, hollowed out eyes, mottled skin (all this was in her hospital notes), and the doctors taking one look at her and asking if she’s vegan, I felt that said a lot

we did a vegetarian transition first and took us about a year to fully change: but I don’t think he should force you into it? You could compromise and make small changes like meatless 2/3 times a week.

As you said you wanted to avoid processed vegan alternatives I asked my family member who is somewhat plant based and doesn't drink milk. Apparently only the Rude Health plant based 'milks' are non UPF. They don't drink milky tea so can't comment on that though.

I wouldnt do it, and certainly not for children unless they were old enough to understand the implications or if perhaps they had a medical need which was requiring a vegan diet

I dont think vegan diets are healthy or nutritious enough.

Do YOU want to go vegan? If you don't then he is free to cook vegan when it's his turn to cook and do a batch so that there is plenty in the freezer when the rest of the family are having an omni or veggie meal.

I can say that when DP and I went vegan we talked about it for a couple of months before making any decisions and we shared the research and cooking. I think if we hadn't then one of us would have ended up resentful.

If you do want to try veganism in principle, but you're worried about the issues in your OP, then here are my suggestions

first and foremost my tea. I drink milk in my tea. We tried oat milk a while back and even he decided it wasn't great. Is there a better option?

Alpro vanilla is quite pleasant but it won't be the same. Koko unsweetened is also nice.

Mushy food makes me gag. He's talking eating lentils, peas and beans. Is there any way to prepare them so they're not mushy?

Yes. It depends on the bean or lentil. Red lentils will always go mushy whereas beluga lentils won't. Likewise black eyed beans are intended to be mushed down, while chickpeas and red kidney beans will keep their texture. Assuming they're tinned, don't cook them for too long!

We, especially DS, eat a lot of cheese and yoghurt. How do you keep a growing teenager full without cereal/milk/cheese on toast? We're not looking to try out highly processed vegan copies of non- vegan food.

Peanut butter!! Peanut butter on toast, apple slices with peanut butter. If peanuts are out due to the nut issue you mention then you can get sunflower seed butter from health food shops. Also tahini on everything. Avocados. Cereal and soy milk.

I cannot eat mushrooms. Well, I can eat them but then get horrific stomach cramps a few hours later. Lots of recipes seem to be mushroom based.

Substitute tomatoes or celery?

How do I make sure the DC are getting all the nutrients they need as they come into and through puberty?

There's good advice on this on the Vegan Society website.

Nuts - hazelnuts make DC2's mouth blister, walnuts make my mouth itch and I don't like any other nuts.

Get Dreena Burton's recipe book Plant Powered Families as she gives nut free alternatives to her recipes. I've used that book for years and every recipe is fantastic. Lots of non-mushy food there too!