Revolted by seeing others eat meat

[hibbledibble]

I am struggling with this a little, and wondering how to deal with it.

I am just starting being vegan with veganuary, but have been a lifelong veggie. Never eaten meat and have no desire to. The idea of eating flesh disgusts me.

I however realise that others have different beliefs and respect that. I don't expect others to be veggie around me.

Last night I went out with a friend for dinner. He got a huge plate of meat (pretty much 2 dead birds) and was pulling apart at it with fingers. The smell and sight was revolting for me. I didn't say anything or do anything as I don't think it would have been right, but honestly it bothered me a lot, and it is still bothering me the next day.

Any idea how I can best manage this? I accept most of my friends aren't veggie. Should I not go out for dinner with them? Is it acceptable to suggest veggie places?

Ps I understand many would think I am being totally unreasonable. I am just hoping this is a safe space to discuss this and how to manage.

Don’t go out, sounds too traumatic for you.

Suggesting veggie places sounds like an excellent idea :) I'm a meat-eater but I like vegan cafes

You can suggest veggie places to eat. If you really can’t stomach it could you eat before you go out so that you don’t feel so put off by others eating. Sorry, don’t know what else to suggest really.

Have you always struggled with this? Becoming a vegan surely wouldn't change the fact you don't like watching others eat meat. It's hard because you can't ask them not to in front of you, or I certainly feel that way. I'd suggest some veggie places, try mix it up a bit when you're out. I'd also try and find some proper advice to try get past feeling like this. You don't want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this x

Any idea how I can best manage this?

By accepting it’s a reaction by you not a defect in them.

I accept most of my friends aren't veggie. Should I not go out for dinner with them?

Those two statements are slightly contradictory. You should be able to eat vegan options at a mixed place. If you can’t, then accept that it’s not them who need to change their behaviour

Is it acceptable to suggest veggie places?

Yes of course, everyone likes variety. Some wonderful veggie Indian restaurants out there for example. However it’s not acceptable to insist, guilt or place any kind of virtue signalling thing on it. Totally fine to vary where you go, not fine to do it in a way that suggests they revolt you or that your choices are superior to theirs. That will only lose you friends.

No becoming vegan hasn't changed anything.

I have always found meat revolting.

Usually when dishes have meat in, it is more visually hidden though. Two dead birds on a plate was just quite a lot.

You could always do what two veggie friends of mine once did and insist that the meat eater sits on a different table to you

If you go out to eat suggest veggie places or Italian pizza/pasta or Chinese/thai/indian..basically anywhere that is unlikely to serve up lumps of meat.

I would have a chat with your gp, as this could become debilitating if it prevents you from social interaction.

I have managed to teach my 4 year old that it's rude to say 'yuck' at what other people are eating.

If you can manage that and still find yourself repulsed I suggest only eating at home or at vegan places.

Ah you poor thing. Do you possibly suffer from orthorexia?

Thank you for the concern simultaneous but it doesn't warrant that.

Different cuisines that don't serve up whole birds is a very good suggestion.

Most carnivores can manage to not eat carcass for one night. Find nice veggie and vegan places to organise dinners at. I'd go.

pidlan I had to look up orthorexia, and that definetely isn't the case. I love vegan junk food. It is just animal flesh that triggers a reaction.

Two dead birds on a plate was just quite a lot.

This is emotive language - of course meat is dead animals. That’s what it is.

If you use language like this when you’re out with friends you’re effectively sneering at them and telling them your choices are superior to theirs. Which they aren’t.

Humans are omnivores who do well on a variety of diets in various ecological niches, from entirely veggie, to mainly plant based, all the way through to almost completely animal based (some native arctic populations and some African pastoralist populations.)

Your diet is vegan, that’s your choice and it’s a valid one. It’s no more ‘correct’ than any other diet.

In a healthy friendship sometimes you’d eat at veggie or vegan places, and sometimes you wouldnt. If you can’t manage that then you need to reasses whether you should be socialising with them or need some form of counselling to address possible phobic behaviour

Humans are naturally carnivorous. So you're Having an extreme reaction. I'd speak to your gp too, Becayse this could become debilitating to you, and could limit your social interactions.

It might also help to try to soften your words. Dead birds, flesh. People seldom go into a restaurant and ask for dead bird or cow flesh. So maybe try to use the same terminology as meat eaters do, or restaurants use, it might help you.

I am the same op. How is it possible to sit down at the dinner table and over ride the undeniable fact that an animal was slaughtered and treated abysmally.

If anyone would see a lamb having its head stamped in in the middle of tesco, every single person would show compassion and run to help it. Yet millions will happily reach into the Isle in fridge section and choose which lamb they will take home and cook for their supper? Choice is choice,I get it. But at what point does needless death trump yours?

In all seriousness, if it is at the point where you cannot cope with what other people are eating near you (dead birds are really quite a commonplace food choice for omnivores) then I think simultaneous may have a point. It could be developing into a phobia which could really blight your life and your friendships.

To be clear, I haven't, and wouldn't be rude to friends, or comment on what they are eating.

I am asking here, as a safe space to discuss this (hence posting on the vegan subforum).

Helpful suggestions are welcome.

over ride the undeniable fact that an animal was slaughtered and treated abysmally.

Animals are slaughtered for food. That’s accepted by a majority of the population

No farm animal should be treated abysmally. High standards of animal welfare from gate to plate should be enforced. This is worth campaigning over. Lowered density of hens, more human slaughter practices, much tighter regulation of abbatoirs. Dare I say it banning of religious slaughter methods. All things I would support. I don’t see vegan activists active in campaigning against religious slaughter methods though.

I have no problem eating meat. I do want it to be well produced.

It's actually quite normal for the smell of food you aren't used to to make you feel unwell. I don't eat much meat and find the smell a bit disgusting sonetimes. My MIL can't stand the smell of eggs. Then there are things that are just completely random like the smell of cinnamon in savoury food (). I generally try not to eat meat around people that I know are vegetarian for this reason in the sane way that I wouldn't eat really smelly food around other people unless I knew they were ok with the smell (think of my mother's fish head soup here). All you can really do is grin and bare it. Always choose a vegetarian restaurant when given the option. And never say anything-that cones across as very rude and childish.

I have phobias myself hibbledibble, I'm actually not being sarcastic. If you are finding it increasingly revolting and it's affecting your ability to eat out with friends, then you could get some support in coping with it. Hypnotherapy is apparently very good, if you can afford it.

In terms of eating elsewhere, I think most people would be happy with a give-and-take approach - your choice some of the time but not every time - so if you have valued friends who enjoy meat then it's on you to find a way of coping.

I’ve worked on a sheep farm in NZ and have friends who are UK hill farmers. I don’t recognise the picture of abuse of animals at all. The animals I worked with were about as free range as you get and slaughtered humanely.
Very well worth campaigning for humane slaughter - it needs to be regulated tightly and much better inspection regimes and certification brought in.

@Anatidae - just while you're here and I'm on this thread being nosy - what is the difference in slaughtering practice between regular old abbatoirs and religious ones? How are the animals actually killed?