Awful example of a vegan

[EezerGoode]

I've been vegan over 2 yrs..vegi for 20..ive put so much weight on going vegan..I live of crisps bread and vegan chesse..I feel utterly crap,I've no energy..my family eat well.but I skip meals so I can eat toast..I eat the same meal for weeks and weeks then never again....when I went vegan I ate jacket potato vegan chesse and salad every night for 6 months.then I moved on to vegan fishfinger sandwich every night for months,now it's toast with vegan cheese lunch and dinner..I'm 2 stone heavier than when I was vegi...I've a budget to stick to so I can't afford blueberries ,mango,salad every day.ive got in to the most awful rut and I can't get out of it..and I feel ill actually..I have to find the willpower to change,its deserting me at the moment,due to my life being quite stressful...if you have any ideas I would be glad to hear them😥

Ah OP you are amazing! 👍

Hey, what about sticking with your toast for the moment and eating a small snack with it? You can vary the snacks each day? So for instance, buy 7 different snacks eg dried fruit, nuts, carrot batons etc? I think ikkle tiny baby steps that you can manage might make you feel physically and mentally better?

Also, as others have mentioned, get your bloods done to check your levels? Get them to check your B12 and folate levels because they don't routinely check these. 💐

I'm guessing toast is a 'safe' food for you. That's not a bad thing at all, and you've done brilliantly to establish 'safe' foods after so long. Now it's just(!) a matter of working out how to expand your range of safe foods. Whether that's having small amounts of new foods on toast or covered in peanut butter, or trying something new in private to take the pressure off, or starting with foods very similar to what you already eat. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, you'll get there!

This isn't about veganism, this is about your still having an eating disorder. To be honest, some protein from animals or eggs or lentils or nuts would probably help your blood sugar levels and make it easier to eat sensibly, regardless of whether you're a vegan or not.

You're doing great and this toast habit may be just a step on the full recovery path but I'd get whatever support you can find. I agree with a PP that you may feel much better and less driven to eat more and more carbs if you had some plant protein.

Please don't feel embarrassed OP, I can only speak for myself but participating in a thread where someone realises they have their own answer is quite heartwarming! Don't be so hard on yourself, although that's easy enough for someone else to say, I know.

It sounds like the CBT group therapy that you've got planned might be a useful thing for you. Have you done/are you up for any self-directed stuff as well?

Have you considered that you deprive yourself of the nutritionally good food that you feed your own family because sub-consciously you don't believe you deserve it? I'm not sure restricting your diet to such a degree is necessarily all about control, it sounds like you are punishing yourself (just like bulimia was a form of punishing yourself for having indulged in food). It does sound like a replacement activity to deal with your food issues.
Perhaps the CBT will be useful in confirming to yourself that you are absolutely worth looking after and that you DO deserve mango etc.

You come across as lovely and considerate on this thread. I hope you can see that about yourself.