Awful example of a vegan

[EezerGoode]

I've been vegan over 2 yrs..vegi for 20..ive put so much weight on going vegan..I live of crisps bread and vegan chesse..I feel utterly crap,I've no energy..my family eat well.but I skip meals so I can eat toast..I eat the same meal for weeks and weeks then never again....when I went vegan I ate jacket potato vegan chesse and salad every night for 6 months.then I moved on to vegan fishfinger sandwich every night for months,now it's toast with vegan cheese lunch and dinner..I'm 2 stone heavier than when I was vegi...I've a budget to stick to so I can't afford blueberries ,mango,salad every day.ive got in to the most awful rut and I can't get out of it..and I feel ill actually..I have to find the willpower to change,its deserting me at the moment,due to my life being quite stressful...if you have any ideas I would be glad to hear them😥

I'm ashamed to say ,I wash up as my family eat,I make excuses and wait for them to drift away ,then I gave my toast.alone in peace..I know I know I'm terrible

Ok, well that isn't an impossible list!

You could have cheese sandwiches, jacket potatoes, beans on toast, beans on jacket potatoes.

Try adding pitta breads to have with the houmos.

Make a meal plan rotating your foods, so you get used to variety.

If you like grapes you might like cherry tomatoes. Add those in. Don't think about huge changes, just little steps.

You aren't terrible, you are struggling for some reason. Would it be worth mentioning to the GP?
It does sound like an eating problem.

I can't go back to being vegan...but I can't carry on like this either.

Vegi, not vegan

Agree with pp - if you were my friend I'd be more worried about you cooking lovely food for your family and then eating toast alone. It sounds a very sad existence - what does your DH say about it?

Out of interest, what is your reasoning for not being able to go back to being vegetarian?

You're not terrible, it sounds like you have an incredibly low opinion of yourself though.

I had bulimia for 30 years,,but I stopped all by myself a year a go...I don't mind saying that,as its one of the things I'm most proud of about myself...being able to stop ,I mean....but in all honesty I hadn't linked that to this..perhaps it is somehow

In the short term, toast that's wholemeal with seeds in would meet most of your nutritional needs (which is just as well as that with peanut butter is 90% of what ds lIves on). Variety of meals is a modern fetish and a luxury most of the world couldn't have anyway, so concentrate on nutrients and what you are comfortable eating.

Dh,has spent any an hour unblocking the drains ,so as long as I'm not throwing up he thinks any food is good food

Many an hour

I think you sound incredibly honest, actually

Just weighing in to say you are not the worst vegan.... That would be my mate who lives on full fat coke, chips, bourbon biscuits and marmite on toast.

Ok, so your DH is aware of your history of an eating disorder so is just quietly letting you get on at the moment.

Well done for controlling your bulimia - after 30 years??? All by yourself??? That's incredible! Have you ever sought support, counselling etc?

Wait.........are Bourbon biscuits vegan? Why did no one tell me this before?!?!

You know what...you guys are amazing,thankyou,thankyou for letting me talk this through...ofcourse it's linked to my bulimia,how on earth did I not see that..ofcourse I can't throw up for so long then miraculously just eat normally...I just never give my bulimia a second thought these days ,but that must be why I'm eating the same foods over and over ..I feel stupid now for even posting all this..

I think you have food issues and could benefit for am some help

I have no experience but there must be a charity which would help with an eating disorder.

Sorry Xposted.

Yes please get some help.x

How do you change when you don't really want to,but you know deep down you must
You just give yourself a gentle head wobble and start. Start with day one. Google how to cook lentils. Buy a packet of nuts. Bread/toast can be quite habit forming and will pile the pounds on. You sound so fed up with this. Buy a mango once a week and eat it all yourself. It'll last a couple days. Yum lovely. Just take small baby steps by introducing some of the healthy options people have already mentioned and gradually make the changes. Dont need to frighten yourself into doing it overnight.

sorry i cross posted before reading the bulimia part. Be gentle with yourself and take things one step at a time.

Eezer you really have to get your protein up.

Do a shake in morning:
2 tbsp peanut butter
loads of soya milk
vegan protein powder
banana

That will cover your whole day's protein and then you can fuck about with whatever else you want to eat. Not ideal but at least you'll have all your protein needs out the way first thing.

Get your iron levels checked and if necessary get a supplement.

After making sure you're getting enough protein and iron, you'll probably start feeling quite a lot better.

Please don't feel stupid! That's your low self esteem and negative core beliefs talking.... sorry if I sound like I just swallowed a CBT workbook, but, well, I just swallowed a CBT workbook .

There's a reason that people say 'it's good to talk'. So often we have the answers to our own problems but it's only in talking it out with others that we realise it.

Only a year out of bulimia is a short time I'd say OP. I don't think this is about veganism or not (as you say, there's a lot you could be eating and that you're cooking for others, but you're not). This might be an eating problem.

I am actually on a waiting list for some group therapy for being assertive,CBT type thing.in November..it's not for my eating thou...but it might help that actually as well

I think you have an eating disorder and need professional help. A good therapist will be able to work with your wish to be vegan - you won't be compelled to eat meat or animal products.