Cancelled summer holiday, other suggestions please

[Nchol26]

I’ve nc-ed for this as outing.

As my title states I have been forced to cancel our UK summer holiday. We booked it last year and went without a break last year to save up. As we have never been away in the summer holidays I have been really looking forward to it. To cut a long story short there’s been a huge family fall out situation with my extended family. I was left with the only option available to me which was to cancel our holiday. I have lost the deposit. I am really emotional and drained by it all.

As well as this my DP already has ten weekends away booked (sport hobby type of things). One in Europe so DP will be away for that one for a week so I think it’s about 30 days. DP also works away a few days per month. We have pet caring responsibilities (rescues) so that all falls to me.

Due to the cancellation of our holiday we have had to have a frank adult conversation about it all. My DP has now deemed adult DC who lives with us (mine) as currently unsuitable to cover the pets, I sadly agree. So DP has said for me to get a break that the only option is that I go away by myself for a couple of nights. I’m feeling really low, depressed, overwhelmed and lonely from it all now. As I am sure some of you will point out it’s also not fair and I totally agree. I ended up in tears and I am feeling really trapped.

If anyone can suggest anywhere or anything that they have done alone and enjoyed I would love some suggestions, UK only. I live on the Kent/Sussex border. I am in my 50s love nature and history but I cancelled our NT and English heritage memberships this year to save for the holiday. I don’t like crowds/noise (ND) and I suffer from really bad anxiety.

And before people suggest solo dates to the cinema/theatre and so on I’ve been doing that for over 20 years when DP works away (in the past was away every week). So I can’t stomach doing that with my current frame of mind.

Can't you get a pet sitter and go away together? We use cat in a flat but there will be other options

@TheCurious0range no adult DC will be here so not an option.

Also they are all rescues and still terrified of other humans, gradually getting a little bit better.

Can’t you go somewhere together that’s pet-friendly?

so you drive op? If so I suggest somewhere like the Cotswolds. Rent an Airbnb that has a pub and a some scenic routes within walking distance. Drive to a town eg Cheltenham for some culture. I am also going to dm you with something specific

sorry - should have said do you drive

Jump on a ferry to Cherbourg! Go as a foot passenger, visit the amazing Museum de la Mer, the market, various restaurants etc.
Or Saint Malo - the town is amazing.

Bath literature festival is good, in an historic town with plenty of interesting places. If you avoid the more crowded spots and bigger events would that be suitable or is it still too much?

And if Bath Literature Festival doesn't appeal, might some other fesitval work for you? Just thinking that, since you are upset at having to go alone, having somewhere with events focused on something you enjoy might make the solo nature of it seem less harsh?

Ironbridge is a great place. Lots of history, thatched pubs by the river, beautiful countryside to go for walks in.

Or would a Landmark Trust place appeal?

What was your plan for the pets when you were due to go on the holiday you just cancelled? Can’t you just keep those arrangements and go somewhere else?

I know it’s not the point of this thread but you went without a break last year to save up for a UK one but he has 10 breaks booked for sport hobby……

Yes I know it sounds awful and unfair.

It was all organised and we were both happy with the plans. The holiday was booked January of last year.

I bought some of the tickets for the sporting events as a gift. Me doing that meant more tickets and dates have been added it seems to have snowballed, DP is paying for it all for himself.

There’s a lot of grey areas with all of this and I’m unhappy about it.

Thanks everyone so far. As for the pets they are rescues, cats. Still terrified of most things related to other humans. They only trust us three. They are my top priority, I’ve not had a night away since I adopted them. Vets say it can take 18-24 months to settle and get used to things so we are getting there.

All adults in the house agreed in advance to the pets. And were going to do their share. It’s not panned out like that at all. Adult DC being the weak link, and that was who was supposed to be with them during the summer. But can’t even clean up after themselves currently so not safe for the cats.

Yes I do drive but not usually long distances. I can’t travel abroad due to same health problem. I’m reading all of the suggestions so far thank you.

Sounds like there’s quite an imbalance in your relationship that needs sorting out…. To me that would be the first priority.

Holiday wise, get a pet service that comes in daily to feed and check on cats, not all sitters stay over. Consider an activity holiday for yourself, cooking, yoga retreat etc… go away and learn a new skill or hobby to boost your confidence.

I would just go with your dp, and have adult dc to take care of the cats.

In the kindest possible way, how hard can that be? Your adult child can’t clean up after themselves, so you’ve deemed them incapable of looking after cats for a few days?

That’s your anxiety talking, or your DP making excuses.

Yes I agree about the imbalance. It’s all appeared in the last year or it feels like it.

As my DP has worked away for over 20 years they are used to me covering everything at home in their absence. That part was fine. I had responsibilities before we met and later on became self employed so I could wfh to cover everything.

What’s not fine is now as DP”s role has changed so they are away again, a month after the pets arrived. I’m in my 50s now and I don’t want to live like that at this stage of my life.

Thanks everyone for the wise words. I’m just trying to book a few days away for myself as I need a break from it all.

Everything is very difficult at the moment. I think DP is being completely selfish but he works hard and his hobby is his stress relief. My DC is also being completely useless as well. DC needs to move back out and get on with their life, but it’s been a hard time so it’s MH related due to a death and a break up plus laziness. DP and DC don’t speak at the moment.

This is why I need some me time 💜

I had thought of a hobby type holiday so will look into that. I really wanted suggestions from people who have been to places that they have enjoyed.

i am not in a good place at the moment and could just do with a bit of help as everything is weighing me down. There’s been some awful other stuff going in my life as well so I need some things to look forward to.

Oh my Op your life sounds so stressful. Maybe it is time for some drastic changes in your favour. You sound absolutely downtrodden. Why are you the one having to hold the house together ? Your adult son needs to move out, your partner needs to grow up. You say he works hard so deserves a break yet you don't seem to think your hard work should be rewarded. As for the rescue cats, i know you love them and won't re home them but they are tying you down, you really need freedom and peace for a while.
Please fight for your peace and stop prioritising everyone else.

A National Trust cottage in the grounds of Chatsworth House or a nearer NT property if driving is tricky? I really hope you find somewhere OP, you sound like you're really struggling xx

What do you like to do, and what kind of budget do you have? Would you like to be away over summer or another time of year?

You need an adult only hotel, I think you’ll find something to do wherever you are, I think the Lake District would suit you, lots of single people use the pubs and restaurants, lots of gorgeous walks and pretty towns to explore. I’d recommend
crispwhitesheets.com/themes/adult-only-hotel-stays/

@ERthree thank you yes I am not in a good place , I could do with a holiday!

I was the rescue catties last chance as no one else wanted to adopt them so they will be with me for always. I’m their forever person and home. And they mean everything to me.

And yes I just need some peace and quiet. Some awful stuff happened last year and I need to process it all (death threat police involvement being part of it).

Looking forward to my summer holiday was the one thing keeping me going through all of last year and then it’s been taken away from me by other people.

Hay Literature Festival

So many friendly people to chat to, great atmosphere, lots of people go solo

How are you with public transport? You could take the eurostar and then train hop through some different cities.

Or a river cruise (or a bigger cruise if you think you could do the crowds - go in non-school holidays or an adult only cruise). There's usually a facebook group for people going solo so you can meet up and have people to go to dinner with. My sister does this a lot and is still in touch with lots of people she's me this way.

I’m looking to go away not over summer after all of this. A quieter time of the year. I love reading ,nature, history, gardening. I have a disability so cannot go hiking for example. If I drive further afield I may struggle to walk far.

I am a lifetime member of the RSPB so just thought of that, no idea if there’s holidays on sites anywhere? Will research that later on this evening.