Can someone please explain a reason why adults don’t genuinely play with their kids? I feel like we owe it to them

[Parker1970]

Why is there an automatic assumption that any child would lose automatically? kis does not matter what outside type game it is. Is there a explanation as to why this happends?

When your child wants to race you at the playground on the kiddie rock wall, why is there this assumption that your child can’t actually race you? Children can climb a rock wall, why else are these on the playground? Instead it seems that grown-ups will just barely move, and act like the Kiddie wall is the hardest thing ever. Why not actually climb, and actually race your child like they are wanting you to do? The whole point of a rock wall races to see who can get to the top first.

It is the same thing when a child wants to arm wrestle with them the adult seemingly barely even does much of anything, and it is very obvious that they are just straight up letting their kid win. Why doesn’t the adult actually put in effort when they arm wrestle? Why not actually challenge your kid, the whole point of arm wrestling is to see who is stronger. If the opponent loses then they just need to provide a little bit more strength. Why is there this automatic assumption that any child would lose or not be able to play with them?

I have also noticed this when parents have a running relay race with their child. Why don’t the parents actually run? Instead they will sort of do this really awkward walking, and they end up just letting their kid win. The whole point of a running race is to see Who is going to get there first. Why not actually run and actually challenge your kid? Your child just needs to run a little bit faster next time to actually be able to win. Again, there seems to be this automatic assumption that a child can’t run, they have running tracks on the playground as well, so children can run.

If you were to play with a friend it’s not any different. Why would you automatically assume that your friend can’t play? If you’re going to arm wrestle with your friend, do it with your kid, if you’re going to run when you race your friend, do that with your kid . Same thing with Rockwall climbing on the playground with your child. Actually climb, just like you would do with your friend. Why isn’t that just because it’s a child wanting to arm wrestle or climb on the rock wall etc., most adults just come to the conclusion that they are going to lose and can’t play just because they’re a kid in elementary school?

She doesn’t win every time. I also ensure that she doesn’t lose every time as that can really impact a child’s moral and confidence.

It’s similar concept to equity over equality. In a game where you need to play all your cards, she would have less cards as that is the concept of equity and creates a fairer playing field. Racing would be her being closer to the finish line when the race starts

Which approach do you take with your child/ren?

Because competition and failure are not significant factors in developing skills, fostering engagement in a diverse range of activities, encouraging curiosity and joy in "doing", promoting team work and socialising, etc. etc.
There's a reason that "Competetive Dad" was a comedy character in the Fast Show and not a model for how to parent

Oh it's you! Your back again, it's been a while.

Why not read the answers from the last time you did this thread, we covered it pretty comprehensively there.

I take it you didn't understand the humour behind competitive dad on the Fast Show
https://share.google/k4yxz4or8Ho11BLwD

m 5 inches taller than my daughter and more than a foot taller than my son. My daughter can beat me now in a running race bur when she was only about 4 foot tall I would win.

We've been playing swing ball over the summer. My son has dreadful hand eye coordination but it is improving. If I didn't let him win sometimes then he would never play again. He can now win at connect4 without me throwing the game but when he was 4 he wasn't able to play strategically to look for ways to block me as well as to get his own connections. Now he can and so we can play evenly.

But what about for the other things like arm wrestling, Rockwall climbing on the kids Wall, Basketball, it doesn’t seem to matter the game. Again like I said when you were playing with a friend you would genuinely play, it seems though whenever any adult plays with a child, doesn’t seem to matter the age of the child, the adult barelyanything and then ends up letting the Child win.

Isn’t the point of playing these games to be challenged? Where is the challenge for the kid if they are just let win?

I'm disabled but my dh could win every time against our DC at pretty much every game. Perhaps they'd win at fitting through a very small tube? If he didn't let them win occasionally, sure they'd eventually win, but it would be TEN YEARS of losing until they did.

Isn’t the point of playing these games to be challenged? Where is the challenge for the kid if they are just let win?
How about pleasure, interaction, socialisation, building skills, exercise, health, confidence...

This is oddly specific, I thought it would be why do some parents not play ponies or toy cars

What an odd question. I’d be questioning why you don’t mind your own business when it comes to how other people choose to parent

I agree with this, but part of skill is you have to get better. I don’t really understand how the child is getting better if they aren’t challenged.

What a strange thread.
I don't think I have ever purposely let my child win.
I was literally just at the park throwing a (soft) ball purposely at her head shouting "on your head, on your head" while she ran around like a bee was chasing her.
So I am ok in your view @Parker1970 ?

the majority of little kids won't be able to beat a grown fit and healthy man or woman in a race or arm wrestle, despite being challenged. What are they going to do, lift weights to develop their muscle at the same rate a 40 yo man has? Come off it

Basketball - most literally don't have the reach, technical/gross motor skills and hand eye coordination to shoot consistent hoops compared to a grown up

Climbing walls - most adults don't want to climb up a kids playground rock wall in case they fall on their arse. Again, most kids wouldn't have the upper arm strength or strength of grip, reach/arm and leg span

Are you doing some 'biology isn't real in sport' thing? Or are you ND and just stuck on this?

Motivation comes from enjoyment and positive reinforcement. If playing the game is fun, they will play more often. The more they play, the more they hone their skills. Children experiences 'losing' frequently in life and especially at school.
Your questions sound like you are wanting to parent as if you are Soviet Olympic coach from the 1970s . You might get highly skilled, successful athletes but you also get highly damaged people.

Haha my son’s 18. I still let him win, and he lets me think I’m letting him win.

Why is there this assumption that your child can’t actually race you?

Because she obviously can’t. She’s 5. It’s not some unfounded assumption I’m making.

Surely your argument is that despite the correct opinion that your child can’t beat you, you shouldn’t ever let them win.

Actually, I agree.

Particularly for combat sports.

I'm guessing you don't have children. People do challenge their children (well most do) but it needs to be done in a developmentally appropriate way. I race my 4 year, I'm not going full speed because I'd be leaving him behind but I am pretending to give it my all and am finishing around the same time as him whilst laughing and making it fun. As he gets older I will get a bit faster, as I did with my older children. If you're challenge is unrealistic they won't be motivated to join in and push themselves.

OP, why are you ignoring the question about whether you have children of your own? It seems fairly obvious that a baby isn’t going to win at an arm wrestle. When you’re in daily close proximity to a child you’re raising, you know intimately what strengths they have and don’t have. You’ll know if your 6yr old is or isn’t likely to win at an arm wrestle, and you’ll pitch your engagement in the wrestle accordingly. This isn’t rocket science.

My ten year old always wins thumb wars and always beats me racing up the stairs

I'm the same.

Sometimes I let him win and sometimes I let him loose.
Depends what mood I'm in 😂

Echoed

This is stupid. You are being stupid.

1. talking of stupid assumptions: you’ve assumed that adults always let all children win at everything.

2. for all the things you’ve cited, adults do have a massive advantage. “But what about arm-wrestling”? Have you ever met a child or an adult?

You’ve chosen the stupidest version of your argument (a very winnable one, done right) and advanced it in the stupidest possible way.

This is from someone who has never let his children win on purpose. But we do that by: handicapping, picking games where I don’t have an immense physical advantage. My children know that if they’ve beaten me, they’ve done it for real. They often do. So I’m someone who you should be able to win to your cause trivially. But not like this.

Intellectually you seem to be someone who needs a big head start in order to win, but has always been unaware of the fact, and is now just repeating the same weak moves again and again, confused about why they aren’t working.

Well, my kids are 5 and 2. My "assumptions" that I would beat them at most physical challenges are based on logic and experience. My legs are twice as long as my 2yos, and I've had the experience of running after her enough times to know that I can run faster than her 100% of the time thank God or she'd have been hit by a bus by now.
When we're bringing the shopping in from the car, I can carry several times more than either of the kids, hence "assuming" that I'm stronger than them.
I think its weird to frame the question in terms of the adult assuming that they would always win - because usually that's the case. Adults are at a massive advantage over children in most physical or cognitive situations. I say most because my 5yo can often trounce me at chess, for example. So I do play as well as I can, to give him a proper challenge. Also, physical challenges can be set up to be more equally weighted, so that the adult isn't at an advantage. If I'm on foot and either of my kids races me on their bike or scooter, all bets are off as to who will win! So they get plenty of legitimate challenges.
I do agree with you that children shouldn't just be allowed to win all the time. So I don't always let them win e.g. running races, because I think it's good for them to practice losing in a safe environment where the stakes are low. But I dont have to trounce them at every opportunity, because I'm not a dick on a power trip 🤷🏼‍♀️

Because playing dumb games like that is boring to some people and they can’t be arsed, or they’ve already done it every day that week and are sick of it, or they’re worn down by the weight of the world and capitalism and wish their kid would give them 5 minutes of peace. Lots of reasons, really.

There is no physical sport or challenge a five year old could beat me at. They could not win. Common sense, surely?