How to get my kids to stop smothering their cousin

[Onhydra]

My children aged 5 and 3 adore their little cousin who is 10 months.
They love to hug her, hold onto the pram, tickle her. Which most of the time she seems to love.
However I can tell it’s really grating on her parents and I don’t know how to get my children to leave her alone without somehow damaging their relationship?
I never got to see my cousins growing up so I want them to foster a positive cousin relationship so am worried about ruining anything.

Same as if your kids do anything else that they aren't allowed to do. Tell them to stop.

If your child keeps ignoring you, or only heeding you for a short time, @wouldyouactuallydothat, you need to keep on intervening and stopping them from doing whatever it is. And the baby is small now - so needs to be protected from the over enthusiastic attentions of their cousins now - waiting until they ‘get more robust’ is not an option!

Of course you do, but it isn’t as simple as ‘you tell them.’ If it was, parenting would be very easy indeed.

“Bob and Jane it is time to give Clare some space now”. Repeat it consistently and remove them if needed. Job done.

I would not like the tickling or holding and would have to make⁸ it clear to your little ones. If they do it regardless take them away from the baby and do that each time. Soon they'll learn.

PS. You won't ruin anything. 😀

Also, it’s not just a question of telling them not to but also a matter of distracting them with a more interesting alternative. This may mean that you take toys with you when you visit their house as none of the cousin’s toys will be age appropriate; or you take sticker books or colouring; or you take a ball and send them out into the garden; or you meet up at soft play or at the playground so your children can run around; or you start playing in a similar fashion with your DC and the cousin can sit & watch.
They’re going to keep going back for as long as it is the most interesting or rewarding thing to do.

Yeah, but I'm sure everyone who has offered this advice knows that.

"Tell them" isn't one and done.

Tell them the baby needs a rest and to leave her alone, move them away and distract them with something else. Rinse and repeat until they happily move away when asked.
Their relationship will not suffer. In a few short months, the baby will be chasing your kids around and they’ll want a rest.

I feel like I’m missing something. Are they squeezing her so hard that they might be hurting her? Are they being rough? Why is it a problem that they like hugging and tickling their cousin? A ten-month-old baby is usually crawling all over the place and perhaps starting to learn to walk; it’s not like this is a ten-week-old baby.

I get that people have different parenting styles or whatever, but my kids are three and a half years apart and I wouldn’t have been concerned about this.

Indeed, @RikthePoet - which is why I said the parent should intervene - I should have been clearer, though - what I meant was physically remove the child from the baby’s vicinity, whilst reiterating “No, you mustn’t do that to the baby - they don’t like it” - and rinse and repeat whenever they go back towards the baby.

It is tedious and tiring to have to keep on doing this, but repetition is what will help them to learn the lesson.

if they won’t do as they are told, remove them from the room, explain what they have done wrong and when they understand, they can come back into the room.

How about just getting a grip of the situation and being a parent.??

You're the parent, no?
Then you keep on top of it. That's what parenting is - hard work!

I think in this scenario the baby's parent would be justified in roaring "Leave her alone!"
I can guarantee that OP's children will be so surprised at being given an actual direction, they will do as they are told.

This reminds me of a holiday I had with my sister when her daughter was about 15 months and mine was 9 months. She used to pull herself up to standing but wasn’t at all stable once she was there. My niece on the other hand was confidently walking and used to rush over to my daughter and give her a cuddle, which inevitably resulted in them both falling over.

At 3 and especially 5 your children are old enough to understand that there are times when they need to leave their cousin alone.

This sums it up really.

Stop it with the drippy parenting!

I think sometimes young kids do this because the baby gets lots of attention and they want some too so interact with the baby to get it from the adults.

Well parenting is largely just repeatedly telling them not to do this, surely. Just parent properly.

Keep saying "gentle hands please" and if that doesn't work (which it won't) then give them your phone to play with.

So do your job and parent.

One of my DC has always adored babies. You just explain that you have to ask before you hug/tickle/touch anyone (which is an important lesson in itself), then you supervise and stop them 🤷‍♀️

It's a bit annoying until they get the picture but teaching children to respect boundaries is a completely normal part of parenting.

tell them not to?

how often are you seeing each other for this to be a major issue?

in what way are the parents annoyed - keeping baby awake or over hyped up, being really loud, being too rough with her, monopolising her, kissing and smashing her?

Tell the parents that you’re aware your dc are besotted with their cousin, and you’re trying to teach them not to ‘smother’ her, but that it’s fine if they tell your kids to stop when their daughter has had enough. Your dc might listen to other adults, and it should make the parents less on edge if you let them know that you recognise your dc are sometimes ott, and that they have your permission to say something.

This is exactly why I find the situation so difficult because I agree with you.
I feel like I’m being over the top constantly dragging him away from his cousin who he is just showing attention??