How to get my kids to stop smothering their cousin

[Onhydra]

My children aged 5 and 3 adore their little cousin who is 10 months.
They love to hug her, hold onto the pram, tickle her. Which most of the time she seems to love.
However I can tell it’s really grating on her parents and I don’t know how to get my children to leave her alone without somehow damaging their relationship?
I never got to see my cousins growing up so I want them to foster a positive cousin relationship so am worried about ruining anything.

Just... tell them to leave her alone? It won't damage their relationship. If anything it will improve it, for them to learn she isn't a toy and needs some space and autonomy.

Spot on, @ImJustATeenageGreboBaby.

@Onhydra - you need to explain to your children that their cousin is not a toy, but a human being, and they need to give her some space.

They listen but then after a while they go and see her again 😩

I don’t know how to get my children to leave her alone without somehow damaging their relationship?

Don't be ridiculous. Their relationship isn't going to be damaged by you telling them not to do something.

Are you not worried about damaging your relationship with the parents by not stopping your children from pawing at the baby when they clearly don't like it.?

My 3 yr old DD is obsessed with her 5 month old cousin and babies in general. Honestly I just have to say 'no, dont touch their face/hug' etc and then physically move her hand/take her away if she doesn't listen. It won't ruin their relationship and they do need to learn that babies are not dolls so they need to be gentle.

How do you know the parents mind? Is one of them your sibling or are they your in-laws?

Then you tell them "no" again.

If they kept putting their fingers in plug sockets would you just leave it because they have continued to do the thing that you have told them not to?

In laws. You can just tell they’re annoyed by it

So stop them! Don't be such a wet lettuce. They need to know babies are delicate. This is how you end up with kids bowling other little ones over at soft play while their parents trill "Kind hands darling!" from their table.

it probably is really annoying, what are you doing while they won't leave her alone? I'll be honest and ask why you don't just tell them to stop and move them

I can’t understand why you feel that getting on their cousins parents Is not damaging the relationship. I don’t think telling children do what you’ve asked them to do is so impossible.

You’re going to damage their relationship more by pissing off her parents. Just take control of your children- it’s ultimately not fair on your baby niece.

How are you going to teach them to cross roads?

They are probably more annoyed at your inability/unwillingness to control your children than the children themselves. Just stop them!

Damage what relationship? Can they not have a good relationship with the child without smothering her?

You parent them? Not rocket science. Nothing is going to damage the relationship - they’ll all be bickering in a couple of years regardless.

Editing to say that what will damage the relationship is when the parents snap at you because they’ve had enough of it.

Then you repeat it again. And again.

You are the adult here. Stop wringing your hands that adulting takes effort!

Be firm. My daughter has exactly the same with her daughter's cousins hauling her around and competing with each other as to which one she loves more etc.

Unfortunately their mum does very gentle parenting nd they just won't stop.

It's getting so bad that they don't want to visit any more.

Just tell them to stop!!!!!

Tell them to stop and if they don't remove them, good grief

Tell them, repeating endlessly as required. If they aren't listening, leave.
They aren't bad, but they are young and you endless repeating instructions is part of the proccess.

Set a firm boundary and then supervise when they're together.

Try to give them some ways to show affection that aren't so cloying - smile and wave, show a toy, draw a picture?

It's very rare that anything you need to teach a child goes in perfectly first time!

Tell them once, tell them twice if they need a reminder, then completely remove. However inconvenient that is.

Agree that parents' behaviour is key. My husband got the vibe that his brother didn't want my son all over our new niece yesterday, fair enough. So he kept him away.

It's far easier to be close when the parents, who are the ones facilitating everything, are respectful.

Offer them an alternative - show them how to play 'peekaboo' with her, or put on a puppet show for her, or do forward rolls on the carpet in front of her when she's safely in someone's lap. Things that will make her laugh without physically touching her. The oldest one can read baby books with her.

Ah, if only parenting was as simple as tell them not to! I’m sure I’m not the only one who is regularly ignored or heeded for all of five seconds.

Distraction might be best ‘hey, come and look at this’ but it will resolve itself in time as the baby gets more robust!