I’d like to explain what has led to me deciding to boldly (perhaps stupidly would be more apt) enter the virtual lionesses’ den of MN today. My mum is in her early 60s and has one adult DC (me). She is also retired. She has no support network aside from me. I am, for all intents and purposes, her rock. I have no doubt she would describe me in that way if asked. When she has concerns or worries about anything, I am the first person she shares them with. I am her de facto closest friend and confidant. She is a very dear person to me. But here is the issue. While I wouldn’t like to imply she is hard work or anything like that, I feel as though she needs people in her life aside from me whom she can rely on, especially as she edges towards her 70s. I think it would benefit her to have more people in her life aside from me - friends, acquaintances and such like. If it wasn’t for me, she would likely be in a situation that older adults with no friends or relatives can sadly find themselves in, where they can go for weeks or months on end without having any meaningful human interaction. The thought of her being in that situation is quite upsetting to me. As things stand, she has 2 surviving siblings, but they don’t seem to view her as a priority. She sees them once a year at most. I personally would like it if they made more of an effort with her, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to ask them to. She has a few other distant relatives whom she sees or interacts with even less often. She has no partner or husband, and also has no DGCs. She has a few friends but doesn’t see them that often. She has said she “doesn’t want to impose on them”. I believe having more people in her life generally would be beneficial to her.
I have some thoughts of my own about things which I believe could improve my DM’s circumstances. I have mentioned these to her but she has been dismissive of them. The first thing is that I think it would behoove her to try to find a romantic partner. This would give her someone to share her life with, and could also give her opportunities to widen her social circle. She doesn’t go online and has a deep distrust of the internet. She also has a smartphone, but doesn’t use it for anything other than making or receiving calls. Her reluctance to engage with the internet is certainly an issue. She also has a few other things going on. She told me recently that her medical records from her GP have her listed as being menopausal and depressed under chronic conditions. That may be factually correct, but I’m sure most women wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about being described in a way that makes it sound like that’s all they are. She may be just a "depressed menopausal woman" in the eyes of healthcare staff, but she is obviously more than that to me.
I’d like to ask for the opinions of women whom I imagine will share many of the same qualities as my DM, and those who are at a similar stage of life - particularly 50+ mums with adult DCs. She has a very caring nature and, despite her advancing years, she remains in full possession of her faculties. I’m hopeful that will remain the case for as long as possible. Something I wanted to ask specifically is, how unusual would you consider it to be for a woman of my DM’s age to effectively have no support network aside from adult DCs (or just one DC in this case)? Also, do you think I’m BU to suggest that she should look into dating apps with the goal of finding a partner? Any other thoughts regarding her situation?