MIL lied about toddler falling down stairs.

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Trying to keep it brief but apologise it it’s long -

MIL was looking after my 2 kids until I got home from work, approx 1-1.5 hours.
When I got in she told me the baby gate on the stair landing wasn’t working. I tried it & it was. She said my 14 month old pushed it and nearly fell. Separately to that, she said he hit his head with a toy & had a bruise.

Upon seeing me. He was crying hysterically. My first thought was whether he had lunch, was hungry or tired. His eyes were all red. I showered quickly, but had to jump out soaking wet and cuddle him up due to him crying so much

MIL left, I tried to phone DP to find out about lunch and naps etc. My eldest then tells me ‘baby brother fell downstairs top - bottom and bumped his head’. I questioned her as it was different to what MIL said, she said insisted he did fall.

After a phone call again, MIL states she told me what happened. Insists it was a toy. Then approx 35 mins since I got home, she calls me to say he did fall top - bottom. But states she didn’t see it, she couldn’t find him and ended up he was at bottom of stairs.

Straight away, I was very confused? How could you not know, why was he walking on the landing himsel, god I need to take him to a&e.

Anyway, we are home after a lengthy wait. He was his usual self in a&e.

I just don’t know what the next steps are re MIL. I know she feels horrendous. But I can’t get over how many times she lied before telling the truth… I will add she met me at a&e and waited with me the full time, I couldn’t really bring myself to fully speak to her at the time.

I wouldn't let her see them alone again. Anyone can make a mistake, but the fact that she lied and put your baby at risk is awful. She cared more about not looking neglectful than your baby's health. That's really, really bad.

MIL is never unsupervised with DCs from now on. Accidents do happen, but lying is a straight up nope from me.

Your baby could have died in the night from an injury you didn't know had happened. No unsupervised contact and no contact at all until she apologises and you feel ready.

Oh my god. I can’t believe she lied to you! Why the fuck didn’t she know where he was? It was only 90 minutes, why wasn’t she with them both the whole time if they were awake? What was she doing?

She’s extremely lucky he’s okay, you’d have lost precious time with her barefaced lying to you if he hadn’t been.

She can’t have them unsupervised again. And she should feel bad! It’s not your job to make her feel better. It wasn’t an accident, it was neglect.

Accidents happen but her laxness with the gate and the fact she didn’t seek medical help or contact you immediately and lied to you. Your baby could have gone to bed with a head injury and you would have been none the wiser. I couldn’t trust her unsupervised going forward.

Honestly: she can't be left alone with them again. Accidents happen, but her behaviour afterwards is alarming. He needed to be checked out medically, this was prevented and without sounding dramatic could have had consequences nobody would want to think about 💞

You shouldnt let her be unsupervised with your children.
She didnt seek medical attention and she lied to you. She cant be trusted.

Thanks for your replies. I feel sick to my stomach about it all.

Mum instinct kicked in and I knew he wasn’t right, at the time didn’t think she was lying. It didn’t cross my mind. He did have a temperature at a&e, they said maybe from crying so much.

Also, I don’t know how she couldn’t know. Second, he should even be left at all. His cot is right there, downstairs we have a play pen and of course his high chair😥

The lying would have tipped me over the edge. Your baby could have died because she lied! She wouldn't be looking after my DC again that's for sure, not because he fell but because she lied multiple times, caring more about herself than her toddler grandchild. I'm glad he's okay op.

I actually feel some sympathy for her - when you are looking after a child and theyvhace an accident which you know is to some extent your fault, the feeling is horrendous and you do go into a total panic mode. I can imagine making terrible choices under that kind of pressure - not proud of that, or saying it's ok, but I am just trying to be totally honest.....

She clearly felt very guilty and did do the right thing in the end.

As to how you move forwards - I am not sure. How dependant are you on her help and support - is it achievable to not have her alone in charge of the children going forwards? Is it possible you will ever be in a position where you urgently need her halp and support? I would just consider this before you burn your bridges entirely

People can grow and learn from mistakes and do better in future. Perhaps she will be so horrified and ashamed by what happend that she would never do the same thing again? Your partner presumably knows her best - maybe see what he thinks on this one.

I would try not to completely fall out with her about it anyway - the horrendous guilt is probably punishment enough.

But in no way am I trying to minimise what happened. I think it's really serious, of course I do - your little one could have died...... Terrible accidents do happen. Thank God he is ok in this case.

She lied. That’s it.

Would you be comfortable leaving your children with her again, knowing she could lie again?

Of course she came to A&E. How else would she be able to make sure she got away with it if she couldn't make sure you didn't tell them that she had lied about the head injury multiple times (thereby creating suspicion that she might know exactly what happened and is lying again)?

@Ilovelurchers thanks for replying.
We rely on her a lot. Try not to leave her with both children, it’s usually one or the other. Sometimes both for an hour or so like today.

I only work part time but she helps for appointments, when I pick up extra shifts etc.

Bit of background info - After my eldest was born, I struggled with severe anxiety and depression. Some of this led to issues with MIL for various reasons - I will add, I feel terrible about this now. I was diagnosed with OCD and received extensive CBT.

She didn’t have my eldest alone until she was 18 months. I’ve made an effort to not be like that this time around. (I know I’ll sound like a nightmare DIL but I was unreasonable at times and can see that clearly now)

I totally understand her initial fear of telling me. However, she has admitted her friend told her to tell me because he could have internal injuries. So, that’s why she called after lying 3 times. Not because he’d been screaming, or me stating he didn’t seem his usual self. Had it not been for her friend then I might not know.

@NeverDropYourMooncup She told the nurse at a&e, what she had told me. The nurse didn’t ask anymore questions. Im actually still unclear on what happened and told then nurse this.

MIL wasn’t making sense and when I kept pushing, she said I don’t know what happened. He was upstairs then he wasn’t, I’m like so he fell? I don’t know, I’m like well how else would he get down to the bottom and have a bump on his head 😥. One part she said she was looking and couldn’t find him. That’s stuck in my head and I feel ill.

I honestly don't know how you kept your cool with her in A&E and allowed her to stay. It's very sad that her actions brought up difficult stuff from the past but that was absolutely no reason to leave your child unsafe due to a possible serious injury and highly distressed then double down by lying. I wouldn't let her have time alone either. What is your other half saying? Hopefully backing you up

I think @Ilovelurchers has got a point. I think it would be a while before I’d leave her with them again and probably not until the little one is verbal. I wouldn’t be burning bridges etc. she probably feels very bad. Do you think she is actually capable of looking after them alone? How old is she? Can you employ a nanny or use childcare?

Lies upon lies upon lies.

You cannot trust her with either child. As it is, she may be very angry with your older child for making her admit anything happened at all, if not straight away, then in a day or so when she realises the only reason you know anything is because your child told you.

Unfair to expect GP care of this kind. Really odd to post it on here too

Well I would definitely wait until your youngest is a lot older before leaving them with MIL again.
It's hard if you currently rely on her a lot for childcare but you will never be able to relax when they are with her.

Bollocks. Her inability to tell the truth about something that could have had catastrophic consequences is completely unforgivable.

Accidents happen. Intentionally endangering a child to save your own hide is horrendous.

Yes have to echo what other posters have said. Accidents happen but repeatedly lying is a choice. She chose to put your baby at risk rather then fess up to a mistake she made. That’s unforgivable to me. Thank god he was ok.

How long was it between him falling down the stairs from top to bottom and her admitting it?!

He could have had a fractured skull, a broken bone, been bleeding internally, or just in pain generally and she's lied and lied rather than say what happened and take him straight away to be checked over! Not even my child and I feel sick that she didn't say he'd fallen down a full flight of stairs despite having a visible head bump.

So did you tell the hospital he fell down the stairs???

The fact he fell down the stairs and your mil didnt tell you, risking his health and well being
She would never be alone with them again.

A&E will report that to your HV. I wouldn't leave MIL alone with either child.