Kids abusive dads requested contact via lawyers letter

[haidx]

This time last year social work stopped him having unsupervised visits. He was to firstly be supervised by me at all times then supervised by a third party.

the referral came from the school themselves because he’s has scared my second oldest so much she was distraught in school. Then a second referral was put into place because he screamed at me in front of the kids and scared her to the point of being inconsolable all day at school. He just didn’t see them apart from showing up on their birthdays randomly this year. So he’s seen the kids 3 times this entire year

he’s said in his letter he hasn’t requested to see them since last March because he has housing issues. He didn’t. He also claimed him and i were together until last March which we weren’t. And has demanded as much contact as regular as possible

what do I do??

I have phoned social work and gotten an appointment but I have been told they have a big case load just depends on how quickly they can get through it to contract me

does anyone know if I should seek a lawyer? Ignore the letter?

im livid right now and all he cares about is reputation which makes me want to share the social work reports online to make him back off. I won’t but its what I want to do

Ignore his letter. Or even respond yourself to say that after involvement from ss last year and ongoing untruths about his circumstances that you will not allow contact at this time.

Solicitors are paid to send letters like this. If he wants contact he can take you to court. It needn't be expensive for you if it comes to this.

I bet he's got someone nagging him about why he doesn't see the kids. And that they have no clue about why he's currently not seeing them

If the letter comes back then send copies of the ss paperwork advising against contact.

@Beenaroundabitso social work is phoning me back when they can. Can I ask them to send it on my behalf that he isn’t to have contact because they never sent an email this was said in a phone call to me. The transcript I have is from the school saying what had happened with him terrifying with daughter.

it’s definitely to impress someone nagging.

do you mean phone this lawyer myself? the letter that was sent was purposely used to scare me and make me comply with its wording. I don’t want to give them information he can use.

Ask them to send you a hard copy of their recommendations so you have evidence.

I was advised to keep everything written, or sent by email so there is a trail. Plus it will cost him for his solicitor to read an email or letter.

@Beenaroundabitwhat is my likely outcome? He can’t have the kids it would be the worse possible outcome. I can’t even sleep properly with him trying to see them

Are your children open to social work now?
It's not the decision of a social worker whether he has contact or not - it's yours. In your situation I would probably do nothing, and wait for him to apply to court. But since he has a solicitor, he actually might, so be prepared.

I would contact a lawyer personally to get him out in his place..
It would be good of this social worker's could get in touch asap...could they not spare you an emergency call to clarify what to do?
Whatever he fires to you if he has supervised care well surely that is in your favour to start with the games he play's.
It is highly stressful and unstabling for you...dont let the lunatic upset you to much.

I wouldn’t waste money on a solicitor’s letter, it’s just a letter. Let him take you to court, then you can gather all the evidence from SW.

Social workers aren't lawyers and this isn't an emergency.

You gather all your evidence from SW incase he does take to you to court and you start thinking of a solicitor. You don't respond to his letter.

Ignore his letter but use this as a warning that you do need to be prepared in case he launches a court case.

He’s probably just showing off to a new woman and it will die down again.

Social services cannot stop or start contact, they can only advise stopping contact pending going to court. It sounds like you need a court order for access including whether it needs to be supervised and by whom eg a contact centre.

A lawyers letter is meaningless. I would write back saying very simply that as per ss recommendation, contact must be supervised and pointing out he has only seen the dc 3 times.

Any specific lies that are related to you, point out. But dont explain. Say simply something like, "much of the information in your letter is wrong, including the dates regarding when we ended our relationship."

Then say you will not be providing additional access to the dc or responding to any further letters.

Then you do nothing further except make sure you have all your evidence etx. If he takes you to court, you are then prepared.

I know it is scary to receive a letter from a lawyer, but this doesn’t have any legal weight. What it does tell you is that he may or may not at some point consider taking you to court. So you can file this letter having noted and put some evidence together of its falsehoods, and prepare your other evidence. If you want to respond to the letter you can simply decline but I personally would not respond as that will give him something to continue to write to you about. Ultimately, if he wants contact with his kids, he will have to take you to court and you will have to put the evidence to the Judge and then a decision will be made. But if social workers have said that all contact is to be supervised and he hasn’t bothered trying to see them very much. I very much doubt a Judge is going to give them any access.

But if social workers have said that all contact is to be supervised and he hasn’t bothered trying to see them very much. I very much doubt a Judge is going to give them any access.

Unfortunately that doesn't follow. Social workers can't mandate that contact is supervised. They can recommend, but the expectation would always be that they should be doing something to reduce the risk so that contact can move towards unsupervised. Stopping contact is rarely if ever seen as a permanent state by the courts. They always expect a plan to move it on.

I'd guess he has a new gf. He is trying to show he is a Good Df.and you are The Mad Ex..
Remember just because a solicitor has written a letter it holds no authority or even agreement of his demands..
File it in a cupbaord and do nothing..

@Pumpkinsaregrowingnicelyyes he does have a new girlfriend. But it’s been going on a year or so. But in his letter he says him and I split March 2025 .. which we did not. Claims he didn’t see the kids because Housing problems but he was housed the council long before this letter. What judge would say that’s a good reason to not have any contact at all? The lying in the letter is this of use to me because he has never lived with me in over 6 years. He actually owned a house sold it then got a council house so there’s paper trails.

with him attempting to go to court if he does- won’t this looks really bad on him nd the trying to impress the new girlfriend and make me look crazy will go very wrongly and she will see he’s previously terrified his own children to the point the school made reports to social works and in the reports states I’m a safe parent so I have to be supervising him?

I also don’t really understand this. The new girlfriends not cared at ll for a year so why bother now? I don’t even think it’s too impressive her because he’s had girlfriends before. It’s because their friends are mutuals and the friends have kids but again why be okay with it for a year/a year plus?

@SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshesthis is my follow up question- how much do judges listen to social works advice? at the time they told me it would reflect really badly on me if I didn’t follow their advice. So surely it holds a good weight?

This, all day long.

@OneOfEachPleasedo you happen to know how much weight social work will have in this?
I know they give out a million chances and aim towards contact etc. but surely the threat of looking terrible in court will put him off?

@bigboykittyi have half the evidence just now. I’ve requested the outcome of telephones calls.

all I have is the school transcripts (which shockingly blurs his name for his own protection even though what he did was horrendous) but I do not have the outcome of the phone call saying he is to be supervised.

a second report was made too because during myself supervising the kids he screamed at me and terrified the kids again and the school made another report - I need this sent to me too but again was a phone call so I need to outcome of that.

last time they took over a month to send me it

It varies how much weight social work has in court but it is worth asking them to clarify in writing to you their recommendations regarding contact.
If you get universal credit you can get free solicitors advice and support to reply to his letter or you can ignore it.
It would be good to have a written document timeline of the events with him over the years for your own good and for future use should you need to including comments where there would be evidence you could get- but you don’t need that evidence right now- eg

2010 dd1 (name) born
2011 called police as he was aggressive
2014 ds name born
2016 sold house to buy council house (document evidence of this available from xx)
2017 school incident- email available

and so on- get your ducks in a row so to speak.

I think you'll really struggle to get social care to put their recommendations in writing @haidx . It's great that you're so well prepared. At this stage it's absolutely okay to ignore the letter. I wouldn't ignore a mediation request, though that doesn't mean you have to actually do mediation.

Maybe get this thread move to Legal. People might be able to give you some really good advice there!

Does he pay cms ?a judge would be interested in his reasons behind not seeing the and not financially supporting them. Let him waste his money. Start printing off any text messages etc. Get a paper file and start a physical 'defense '..

The court will order a report to be completed by either social services or cafcass who would request information from social services. They do listen to the report but as I say the courts will almost never order zero contact or long term supervised contact. It does depend how much evidence there is of the risk he currently poses.