Fed up of being asked if I'm pregnant

[Dinosaurwaffle]

Just a little moan because I'm feeling fed up. Why do some women think it's ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant? Or even congratulate them without even knowing they definitely are? It's happened to me three times now, all by different women and none of the times have I been pregnant making it very awkward and resulting in me feeling like shit and wondering if I look huge. These women were all colleagues or clients at work so it's not even family or friends. I would never ask someone if they were pregnant, especially someone I barely know. Why do people think it's ok to do that?!

3x in what time period?

@Roosthename over a few years! So not close together but still! I shouldn't be asked it at all.

Presumably the latest one very recent?

It’s happened to me too OP. I ended up binning one of my favourite dresses after the 3rd occasion. It’s such a stupid question to ask people that you don’t know.

@Roosthename yes today. I felt so awkward I just said no I'm not and end the conversation quickly as possible. But now it's going round in my head what made her think that. It's hard when I'm trying to be professional and do my job properly and instead all I'm thinking about is if I have a massive belly and replaying the conversation again and again. Luckily I'm not actively trying for a baby right now or I would have probably burst into tears.

@OhBettyCalmDown yes, last summer when it happened I had been wearing lots of floaty maxi dresses to work during the heatwaves. Never wore them again because now I think I must look pregnant in them 😔 they were lovely dresses too.

But now it's going round in my head what made her think that.

What's your guess?

A question you should never ever ask, even if you think it 'looks obvious'.

There are various medical conditions associated with someone's tummy assuming the shape of a bump, and it could be a very sensitive issue.

@QPZM maybe I look pregnant? I'm self conscious about my belly but I'm not exactly huge, I'm a size 12! Or I was ill the other week in the morning and had to go home so maybe this woman assumed it was morning sickness? And last summer another time it happened I'd been off work ill for a couple of weeks so people perhaps thought it was pregnancy related? Who knows! But why assume?! Not every woman with a slight belly who is ill occasionally is pregnant!!! And even if I was pregnant and was showing, I might not have announced it yet or wanted people to know.

I've also been thinking they just wanted to check I wasn't pregnant as I'm just starting a big project at work that will last the next 18 months and they don't want me to leave in the middle of it?

I hear you OP! I’ve had this, & I’ve not had any children! To be fair to those asking me, I did have a perfect looking bump for someone 4/5 months pregnant, & all were suitably embarrassed & apologetic when I said I wasn’t. I hadn’t really noticed until I was asked, & it did turn out that I had a very rare complication of my autoimmune disease (That needed dealing with ASAP). My advice, if you are concerned, make a GP appointment & get it checked out 💐

When I was a lot younger and my DS was a toddler I had a lovely floaty summer dress. I only wore it twice because I felt the style of it - an Empire waist - emphasised my tummy and made me look pregnant. Nobody said anything but I could see my upstairs neighbour, who we didn't get on with, eying me speculatively. So I ditched the dress because it made me self conscious.

I think the people who asked you if you were pregnant were incredibly rude OP. I don't understand people who comment on others appearance unless it's something complimentary like " you look really nice". Even then it can be interpreted as a back handed compliment because the implication is you don't normally!

They are bang out of order asking you that, and perhaps you could find a polite way of saying so, or practice a shocked and offended flounce out of the room. Even if you were walking round in a Mothercare smock eating coal, they shouldn't ask you. Don't start feeling bad about yourself. Three times in several years is not much, so it won't be anything to do with your appearance.

I was standing at a checkout holding some raw milk cheese when the woman in front shouted 'You shouldn't be eating that.' I was fishing my purse out of the bag under my coat, and she gasped 'sorry, I thought you were...' and did a runner. I was upset by it as I would have loved to be pregnant at the time. It's a stupid question to ask, for all kinds of reasons.