Would I be wrong to consider euthanasia for our older dog?

[Dogdilemma01]

I feel that it is justified and time to let him go, but my Husband and children (16 and 19) don’t agree/ are making the decision more difficult. Hence I am posting here hoping to gauge opinion to help me. For context, all decisions of this type get left to me.
We have 4 dogs ages 11,10, 4 and 1. All have been, and are, loved and well cared for.
The older two both have myelopathy in their spines which over time has resulted in progressive weakness of their hind legs and reduced bowel control. Myelopathy is NOT painful.The 10 year old is affected the most and now has no awareness of needing to go, so can’t ‘ask’ to go out. He is let out frequently throughout each day as there’s pretty much always someone at home.
He has poo accidents on average 3-6 times a day and often the others either tred on the poo or in the case of the 1 year old, eat it. The 11 year old also struggles with her bowels but its more predictable and so easier to manage.
The 10 year olds mobility is really deteriorating now and whilst he can still walk, its difficult and he drags his feet to some degree. He lives for food ( its pretty much all he has ever been interested in alongside walks) but he cant be fed much now as due to poor mobility he piles on weight. He scavenges for food though ( we have lots of fruit trees and berries bushes) which probably makes his bowels worse.
I feel its time to let him go, both for his sake and my stress levels, but the family are piling on the guilt. Al I really so awful for considering this?

If you want an honest answer…. Yes you are ‘awful’ if he’s not in pain and still has quality of life…. Enjoying food…. Picking up his poos is the least you can do for him after giving you years of love.

I agree with you in these circumstances it’s kinder to pts. I say this as a huge dog lover and emotional person who lost my own beloved dog not long ago. It’s the hardest thing in the world but this isn’t fair on anyone.

Can I ask if the other family members are cleaning up after his accidents?

No, you are right to think of what is best for the dog as he is now. I would probably talk to my vet who can advise you more dispassionately and help you decide.

Your family sound like they are thinking selfishly. It’s a hard thing to do, but usually for the best.

I don't think you would be wrong to put the incontinent dog(s) to sleep.

Maybe I'm cold but I couldn't tolerate poo accidents 3-6 times a day.

I feel sorry for you that your family won't support you in this, especially your husband. I hope he is at least helping to clear up the poo accidents.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. I’m a dog lover but stress levels for you are going to make you ill. Poor thing, it can’t be fun for him, either despite not being in pain….

My Husband, and to some extent my older child will pick up poo but majority of the time it’s me here so I do it. The young dog will often start to eat it though if I don’t literally see him in the act, which then spreads the poo all over the kitchen floor. This means I have to mop/ sanitize the floor daily too. It’s not easy as I have chronic health issues myself and suffer a lot of fatigue which is another factor.

God that sounds incredibly stressful.

Doesn't your husband care about your health issues and stress levels? I think it's really unfair that they are leaving you to mainly deal with the problem and then not listening when you are clearly struggling.

Of course you aren’t awful to think about putting him to sleep. He has a degenerative condition which is worsening and is incontinent.
for a previously housetrained dog going in the house can be incredibly stressful for them. And of course you have to consider yourself and the hygiene of your house. As a long time animal owner I wouldn’t say it was the wrong thing to do at all.

Your dog will be distressed, not only at the poo situation but at your stress.

Our responsibility as pet owners is to make hard decisions in their best interests. No matter how painful.

You are doing the right thing considering all options. Perhaps talk to your vet about a quality of life check.

Hard disagree with this.

Even if not in pain, it is distressing for dogs to soil themselves and no longer be mobile. The dragging of toes will start causing sores and while the myelopathy itself may not be painful, it causes unequal muscle use and puts excess strain onto other parts of the body.

Using emotive language like this to guilt a dog owner into keeping a dog alive is unhelpful. Dog ownership should bring joy, not just hard work and stress.

I would certainly put the older two to sleep asap. They need their dignity and they haven’t got it any more.

And, upset or not, I would be going off my brain at your family at their lack of respect for the dogs, their dignity, you, your own health and your dignity. Who do they think they are making you resident shit cleaner?

I would put both older dogs to sleep as well. Also, the pp saying they’re not suffering is talking shit. No living creature likes to shit where it sleeps, or to feel insatiable hunger so it is foraging for berries, or to feel the aches and pains of legs too stiff to move. The incontinence might be managed with dog diapers, but the rest clearly is evidence the dog isn’t living contentedly. They’re also not human beings so it is ok to put a pet to sleep when their care is more than any reasonable person can manage. It’s not like we have hospices or home nurses for dogs. Your husband and kids need to let go of the older dogs and say their goodbyes.

Yes, you are doing the compassionate thing for the older two dogs.

It's easy for the kids and your husband easy to disagree when they're not the ones with the majority of the care of the dogs

May I ask about the two youngest dogs? who decided to get those? who wanted them?

My youngest child (mid teen) wanted the third dog (4) and my Husband wanted the 1 year old (link to the breed from childhood). I did not disagree with getting them and I am very fond of them and happy to do my bit.
Its been a difficult year though pet wise as I had to have my horse put to sleep earlier in the year and then soon after our 2 year old cat who had an unmanageable and distressing lung disease. So making this decision has not been easy for me and its made harder by the lack of support for what I believe is the right thing.
I actually took ddog to the vets yesterday for a routine matter and explained the current situation, she suggested using a quality of life tool online with my family to help them think a bit more deeply about this.

Oh OP this is so tough, it feels so hard to know when the right time is.
to me it doesn’t sound like a very happy existence and it seems like one of those situations that will go down hill quickly. That’s when you unwittingly let them suffer.
I would talk to the vet asap and see what they think, in your situation I would be wondering if it is time too.

I really do think you are doing the right thing with the older dogs even though it is difficult I guess you've been through a lot already having to put your horse to sleep

And be honest the husband and your teen how much care are they giving these pets daily? as in feeding, walking, grooming, cleaning up after them, taking them to the vet? What percentage is the son doing? What percentage is your husband doing? What percentage are you doing?

I'm a firm believer in knowing when it's 'time'. You and your family know your dog(s) so only you can make the decision.
I do think your family may have taken on too many dogs though. A couple of the reasons you give for considering euthanasia are the other dogs walking through his mess, and the younger dog eating it. Those could be managed, and if they aren't being then you all need to look at ways to do so.
Being old and stiff, but not in pain isn't enough of a reason imo, provide he is happy in himself. But you know your dog.

I'm speaking as a pet owner of a very old lady dog with similar issues, and previous experience of 'decision making'.
Ultimately the choice is yours, but if you do it, do so for him.

I had a cat that was having accidents everywhere, she was traumatised by it. But she was eating and purring so we kept going. With hindsight I should have made the decision. I know if my dog has an accident she’s mortified even though I just clean it up and don’t make a fuss. TBH I think it’s time. Better too early than too late.