do you think if you get good news a person who loves you should always be happy for you?

[hepping]

do you think if you get good news a person who loves you should always be happy for you?

Are there exceptions?

My current situation is a person i am close to doesn't seem too supportive that i've had a lot of viewings for my home because they struggled to sell theirs a few years ago. Is this a red flag?

God lord, what on earth do you want? This is the most mundane thing in the world and you want a round of applause and Champagne. So needy.

So do i distance myself from her?

Seems a bit extreme.

If you're not enjoying your interactions with her and you're left feeling 'blah' then yes I would distance myself from her. You'd expect a good friend to be happy for you not leave you feeling crappy x

I think you're overestimating how enthusiastic people feel about viewings on other people's houses.

This isn't just about her reaction to your house viewings is it. If she is always disinterested in anything positive in your life, then she is either jealous or not a real friend. A proper friend would be happy for you, but her responses sound bitter. I would start to distance myself from someone like this

You say she loves you OP and, presumably you love her too. But the way you talk about her doesn't reflect that. Are you overestimating the regard you have for each other? If you are prepared now to distance yourself, is that really love?

What does it mean, 'to be happy for someone'?
Does it mean, to be pleased things are going their way, even if they are not for you?
If my neighbour said, 'I've just dug up Saxon gold in my garden,' would 'happy for you' be a good response?

I'd say that this would be an ideal, but people are human. I have found that the better you know someone (and the longer, usually), the more likely they have the time to get under your skin and do things that don't always make you feel validated and amazing.

Although not similar to your situation, I have also been encountering more and more instances of long difficult times when you feel both very grateful and very down, helpless, or bitter at the same time - an example being someone having a destructive treatment for a very serious illness that has technically 'gone too far'. The effects of the treatment are straight-up awful, but the treatment is working so you have to feel relief too. And these points make it quite complex (if someone has that kind of thing in the background) just to have a throwaway, simple, but possibly less sincere 'Yay, that's great, what good news' response.

No. The life events of other people can trigger complex emotions. We can be simultaneously happy for our loved one while also being reminded of our own trauma. If we aren’t capable of actively celebrating, simply removing ourselves and not detracting from the celebration can be the best approach.

celebrating home viewings or even an offer on a home is an unusual expectation to begin with.

I thought so until I rang my Mum to tell her I was engaged and her response was 'and?' As if it wasn't a dream come true and wasn't something i had hoped for for years. She couldn't care less. I try to be happy for people in my life even of their news hurts me or upsets me like pregnancy announcements, but I would never treats someone elses news with comptempt my Mum showed to me.

I think reading your additional information (that there is a pattern) you would be right to distance yourself from this person.

Yes, it’s nice to be happy for people when things go well for them.

It just sounds as though they are being very realistic

Human emotion is not that black and white. You can care about someone but feel jealous, or worried, or sad about their good news.
Stop using pop psychology in your speak and grow up.

I know what you mean, I’ve got a friend like this. She tends to sort of omit things and it’s really noticeable compared to other friends (and how I am as well) - not saying congratulations about stuff, avoiding asking about a holiday or new job or relationship, never giving compliments, etc. I have questioned why I stay friends with her over the years but she can be lovely, and generous etc. It’s a funny one. I just think it’s her ‘stuff’ and try to overlook it.

You are overthinking this - most people wouldn't show much (if any) interest in someone else's house viewings regardless of how close they are.

In a more general sense, I think people can't help how they feel and if they are your friend then you should be sensitive to that. For example, when making a pregnancy announcement to some friends who hadn't been able to conceive, we told them privately and at the end of a conversation so they could go away and process it in their own time and space without needing to put a happy face on for our sake. They do care about us and were happy about our news, but that doesn't mean they can't feel sad too and I would never hold that against them.

Some people are natural cheerleaders, so aren’t. I sounds like you’re expecting more giddiness from the latter than they can provide.

Personally I’m the latter and I find the former a bit much, it could be that your personalities don’t gel enough for a close friendship.

Most of my friends wouldn’t give a shiny shit if I booked a holiday, they’d be there if I needed them though, and that’s what counts for me.

Yes. Personally I am happy if people I love succeed. I am happy if people I like succeed in areas where I have no interest in succeeding, but I'm pissed off if people I only like, not love, succeed where I've failed.

Exactly this

Its hardly the most exciting revelation or happiest of news. I would not expect anyone to be happy or excited for me if someone had viewed my for sale house. If it Sold then yes but not at this stage.

It sounds like she is possibly comparing, she may be happy being friends whilst you are not having a better time of it than her. I think you have to decide what you want from that friendship. If it feels like she’s bursting your balloon every time you talk I would at least stop sharing this kind of stuff. If there’s nothing else to the friendship eg you don’t share hobbies you enjoy etc then I would let it go.

I guess you could either match their energy or drop them.

the snarked holiday reply would be enough for me. Just keep her at arms length.