do you think if you get good news a person who loves you should always be happy for you?

[hepping]

do you think if you get good news a person who loves you should always be happy for you?

Are there exceptions?

My current situation is a person i am close to doesn't seem too supportive that i've had a lot of viewings for my home because they struggled to sell theirs a few years ago. Is this a red flag?

I couldn't get excited or wouldn't know what 'support' to offer about someone having house viewings 🤷‍♀️ What are you expecting from them?
Viewings don't always lead to anything anyway.

i think in most cases two things can be true. eg I know a friend was happy when the rest of us fell pregnant but it still stung as she couldn’t for years.

It is possible to feel two things at the same time!
As long as someone isn't being nasty to you and trying to ruin your happiness over the thing I think it is OK if they can't bring themselves to be as excited as you'd ideally like.

I honestly wouldn’t give a toss if someone had viewings on their house 🤷‍♀️

Getting house viewings doesn’t really seem up there with things that I’d expect other people to care about tbh

As pp have said have said you can’t have a blanket rule that others should always be happy for you or they’re bad, as people are complex and feel how they feel without it necessarily being negative towards you. In this context I think it’s realistic and normal for the other person to feel that, because their house took a while to sell, your’s might too, despite having lots of viewings. Are you expecting them to say things like “that’s a great sign and it will probably go for the asking price soon”? Because if that’s not how they feel based on personal experience and knowledge of the local market surely someone who you are close to can just be truthful and tell you what they think without that being a slight on you and not “supportive”. You can’t force anyone to be “happy” about something, they simply feel what they feel. Or is it that you feel they are being deliberately spiteful to you and want you to struggle to sell your house?

Because its a bad market and i'm anxious i told them the estate agent told me i was in the top 10% of viewings. They put this down saying viewings are irrelevant it's only offers and told me their horror story. They told me to only come back and update them when i have an offer. Just felt negative energy.

@MostlyGhostly i don't feel they have the best intensions and they haven't led with kindness.

They are right though, viewings mean nothing and it's the sale that counts.

Perhaps they're just trying to warn you not to get too excited.

For goodness sake. There is so much going on in the world and that's their only worry. They sound bonkers.

The haven't "led with kindness"??

Oh my 😂.

Grow up.

Oh, get a grip 😂

No offense but I don’t think I’d much care about someone getting viewings for a property that’s on sale

They’re right though. Viewings mean fuck all and estate agents talk shit.

Have you had an offer?

You’re being insensitive and naive too viewings doesn’t equal sales.
They had a miserable experience and you’re boasting about how easy it’s been for you.
Also the 10% figure from the estate agent made me laugh, it’s a line from their extensive script.

it's more i told them how anxious i was before, then when it went well initially and i was relieved and nervous/excited the response from them felt really negative.

They said 'good for you' when i got an offer, maybe i was reading into it but it feels sarcastic.

That’s some additional information to your op then as you seem to feel there was some malice in the response. Are they usually like this over other things? Do they have some investment in you selling your house? What’s your relationship usually like, is there something more here than house viewings? I can imagine my mum saying something like that to me in a “don’t get your hopes up” way as she wouldn’t want me to be disappointed and I wouldn’t be offended, it’s just her way.

You sound like you’re being a bit dramatic tbh. Your relative is right that viewings are fairly meaningless, no matter how much your estate agent enthuses.

When it comes to things like moving, there might be other considerations that affect a relative’s happiness. Maybe they don’t want you to move away/closer to them or there is some thing else going on.

It depends on the situation. If I knew someone who was in an abusive relationship and suddenly found out she was pregnant then while she might be happy and thinking that the baby would fix the relationship problems, I don't think I'd be happy for her.

If a friend of mine had been trying to sell her house and she told me that she'd had a lot of viewings then I think I'd struggle to do more than a "Oh, good for you. I hope it works out well for you. Anyway...".

If you are moving in with him I would take the house off the market and stay out. He should be more supportive of this.

No. They might just feel a little envious and it's probably best to try to avoid the subject.

Why have you used the term 'red flag'? It would only really apply if the person is quite a new acquaintance, although you say you are close, and they love you.

I wouldn't say it was a 'red flag' because you know them well. In which case, it's just something that they are struggling with a bit and probably don't wish to discuss. It doesn't mean they don't like you.

I was probably expecting something like "yay, that's great news, fingers crossed for an offer"

Instead it felt like they were trying to tear me down

In general, in life, it's probably best not to dwell so intensely on the minor slights you feel. We are none of us perfect in this life, including you, and me!

Always is a very high bar.

I can think of plenty of examples where I might not be super excited at a loved ones good news.

For example, an adult child or close friend gets offered an opportunity at work that means they'll move to a different country. I would try to be supportive and happy for them but also sad that they would be a long way away.

Sounds like this person is very well aware of the whole process and quite rightly cynical about it!

It will hopefully all go well for you.

When we relocated to be closer to my mum and put put house on the market, my mum said that she couldn't bring herself to get excited about it until it actually happened. I completely understood that. It can be a very stressful time with big last minute disappointments sometimes.

I hope everything goes through quickly and smoothly for you, OP.