MIL’s big birthday is coming up. She wants to celebrate at a hotel. SIL was originally very keen, said MIL was only okay with doing it at home because she’d been “led” that way, and that the cost “wasn’t that much.” SIL even picked a date.
DH told SIL (not MIL) that while he could get there, it would be hard for us as a family — DC has school and sports he can’t miss, which also ties me down.
Context: after a medical crisis, SIL took total control of MIL’s finances. Anything spent has to be signed off by her. There’s a pattern: SIL quietly sets it up that MIL “needs” something, then those plans vanish once the money would come from the estate rather than from us. We had to push hard that MIL actually needed care and a proper shower (instead of endless bed baths), and that it should come from her money, not ours.
The pattern has now repeated. We didn’t offer to pay, so SIL’s enthusiasm dropped — now supposedly because of MIL’s “deep concern” about cost.
Tonight MIL said she’s keen on the hotel and that she knew she’d chosen a date “you DIL couldn’t do.” So she heard about our attendance issues from SIL and decided it didn’t matter.
We had privately talked about contributing anyway, plus a gift we know she’d like. They don’t know that. I now feel aggrieved that MIL was almost bullish about a date I can’t do, and that SIL was inflating a cost concern MIL doesn’t even seem to have — apparently to solicit funds (which, unbeknownst to her, had kind of worked).
Do we still offer a contribution?