Horrific health anxiety - seem to be no options left to try

[Whatagooddog]

I don't really know what I'm hoping for writing this post.

I've had horrific health anxiety for years but today has been off the charts.

I've tried:
CBT
EMDR
I have a psychiatrist
I have a wonderful GP
I've had lots of counselling, therapy, and CPNs.
I've bought more apps and books and programmed than I can count.
I've breathed and I've visualised and all of the other things that suggest, 'maybe this will work'.

Nothing seems to work.

I do have a huge list of other health issues, some of which mean that a lot of medication isn't safe.

I guess I'm just always, always hopeful that someone out there knows something, that someone can help.

Tonight I'm convinced I'm going to have a stroke. I'm just waiting. And if it doesn't happen? I'll think it again tomorrow. And every other tomorrow will have something else.

Has anyone ever got through this?

I don't think so - I don't know very much about it though to be honest, and I'm trying to keep away from Google!

I really feel there has been a tremendous amount of kindness here since I started this last night, proper MN from the olden days!

I'm actually due to start anti depressants in two weeks but I just don't see how I'll get that far. I'm now extra panicking as we're heading to the weekend, my GP surgery will close in a couple of hours, and I'm terrified to do my blood pressure.

I can feel it all starting to build again. Not that it's gone away

Thank you for understanding - I am meant to start anti depressants in two weeks but, as I said to another poster, I'm scared of the side effects of those too. And I just don't see how I'll get that far, I'm so convinced I'll have a stroke or heart attack or brain haemorrhage any minute. I feel as if I'm brushing away all of these kind posters but I'm in such a bad place - I appreciate everyone who has taken time to reply, I really do.

I'm actually due to start anti depressants in two weeks but I just don't see how I'll get that far.

Why not?
Could you start taking them now?

Because I think I'll have a major event before then - I think I'll have a stroke or heart attack or brain haemorrhage at any moment.

GP has said I can't start until I've finished medication for something else so that she can separate any side effects.

I would try acupuncture as a matter of urgency. It literally resets your nervous system, which for you is stuck in flight / fright / freeze. I was SO sceptical but it really works.

Thank you - I can't really leave the house at the moment and even if I could, I don't think I could bear it both because I hate people touching me, and I have sensory processing disorder. I do appreciate your suggestion though

Take each day at a time. I honestly wouldn’t recommend to read the pack insert that comes with anti depressants. By law, medicine manufacturers have to include every possible adverse event that has ever happened for people taking the medicine, even if it was a rare side effect and not definitely proven to be caused by the drug.

You've had some great suggestions here.

When you engaged in the various therapies you've done, was the focus on the health anxiety (one of the symptoms) or more on the root of the issues you struggle with?

Focusing on the symptom is like putting pain relieving gel & a plaster on a big splinter when what actually needs to be done to relieve the pain is pull the splinter out.

Maybe see if your Dr will give you low dose proprananol? Works for panic attacks and anxiety and fast!

I really have - and I'm so grateful. I'm trying to stay away from googling things today but I've ordered every Claire Weekes book as the one I've been reading most of the day is providing some comfort. The posters who suggested those have done me a huge favour.

I was diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago so have had a psychiatrist since then, referrals to CPNs, psychologists, therapists, counsellors etc. I actually think most - apart from one psychologist - have completely minimised the health anxiety. One psychiatrist did diagnose GAD, nosophobia and tomophobia but he was the only one. It was interesting to see that it could all be explained away with categories, but that was as far as it went.

I've never had that. Has it worked well for you? Is it prn?

Yes DD is Autistic and was struggling to leave the house. She is on a very low dose but it does physically calm her spirals - where the heart starts to go and then you panic more because of the physical symptoms, like sweating and shaking. It might be worth asking about, anyway. I know some people take them just before doing public speaking or flights.

Hi OP,

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Propranolol was life changing for my daughter - it stops the physical symptoms of panic which makes the mental symptoms easier to deal with.

The antidepressants will also make a huge difference. They are the only thing that worked for my health anxiety.

I was wondering if you have particular triggers for the anxiety. I’ve noticed mine is at its worst when I’m mentally exhausted (particularly following stressful life events) and also around hormonal changes (which some other posters have suggested). Unfortunately the only thing that has lessened it is displacement: since having a child, most of my health anxiety has become focussed on them rather than me. Which is not massively helpful. I think my only advice is to keep away from other people with health anxiety! I found propanolol useful for other things but it can have palpable (excuse the pun) physical effects so might not be the best if you’re body scanning?

It looks like it's not a great idea with type one diabetes unfortunately as hypo awareness can go ☹️ I'm really glad it's helped your daughter as those panic spirals are horrific.

Looks like it's not great if you have type one diabetes as you can lose hypo awareness, so that's another one off the list for me ☹️

It must be such a relief for you and your daughter to have found something that breaks the cycle, and I really hope it continues to do so for her.

Health anxiety can be understood as a form of OCD. The constant rumination and anxiety about your health is the compulsion - on some level your nervous system feels safer when you are constantly worrying. The gold standard for OCD is ERP - Exposure Response Prevention. CBT can include this alongside other supportive techniques. I hope this is helpful.

I don't think propanolol is going to be an option for me unfortunately as I'm diabetic.

It's interesting what you say about displacement - did the switch happen when your children were very little?

In terms of triggers - I'm very lucky that I can make my life as small as I want, I don't have to leave the house to work, my children are grown up, but that smallness is something I'm very aware of. I've been able to reduce my job more and more in terms of not travelling, being very selective, and really relying on bipolar highs to get work done ridiculously quickly so that when the panic and anxiety set in, there's that cushion. I do see all that as a failure in a lot of ways though, because they're all changes I've made for the reason of being this pathetic, shaking, terrified shell.

I waffled a bit there. Specific triggers? It's all health based. A headache, a lightheadedness, a tingling in my arm, a blood test coming up, my blood pressure, a GP appointment, a retinopathy test, an ECG, nausea, vomiting, a coldness in a limb that I can't shift, the fear of fainting, the fear of vomiting, the fear of giving in to the desperate need to just lie down and howl.

And I do wonder how much of it is real, because you'd never know if you met me. I could walk into somewhere and do a launch or a talk for a full room and you'd think I'd never had a worry in my life. I can fake most things, always have. The only thing that makes me think I'm not a fraud is that it happens just as much when I'm alone, it's not just to get attention from my partner or my doctor. I'm just completely lost.

Thank you - I'm trying not to Google at the moment. Would it be an imposition to ask you whether you could tell me a bit more about EPT? CBT has never worked for me.

It’s interesting as I have OCD and the mental spirals are very similar to the health anxiety in terms of obsessive ruminating and the need for certainty.

I’m not the poster who kindly suggested ERP but I’ve tried it before (so far not very successfully!) and it’s basically where you ‘expose’ yourself to the fear and then ‘prevent’ yourself from reacting in the usual ways which keep the cycle going. So say you had a concerning symptom the goal is to ‘sit with’ (hate that phrase!) it without responding or resorting to seeking reassurance, googling, booking a test, checking and scanning etc. the idea is your anxiety will rise and naturally peak/ subside if you allow it to. Eventually your nervous system realises the threat response has been out of whack and unnecessary and stops reacting the same way.

As with all these things it’s much easier said than done. What I struggle with is ‘sitting with’ a symptom that COULD be (albeit never actually is!) life threatening or indicate a horrific disease. Problem is it’s very hard to tolerate the panic and simply allowing that to be present without trying to reassure yourself or seek relief. So for example, I told myself I will not book a doctors appointment until next week and will wait and see if the symptom disappears, and in the meantime will allow the anxiety to be there without Google checking or going over and over it in my head. Problem is Jan then pipes up saying ‘but if it is a blood clot you might be dead by then, this is urgent and you must check NOW’! (You know the drill I’m sure OP). Issue is Jan pulls this shit with every bloody symptom I’ve had yet somehow I’m still alive 😂

Anyway, that’s ERP in a nutshell so definitely worth looking into if you haven’t tried it before.

To add, the idea would then be to also allow the resulting panic/ chatter from Jan/Bruce that this could be deadly without responding and allow that too to peak and recede. If only it were easy to do!!

I have dealt with health anxiety for much of my life and had a difficult time with it recently, so I can relate. I am also turning 60 in a few months and was diagnosed with a chronic leukaemia (stable at the moment) 3+ years ago. My sons, although young adults, are autistic and living at home. They don’t know because they are also anxious souls. My husband is thankfully unlike me.
What has lessened the ruminating for me is exercising. I use a stationary bike which forces me to concentrate on something besides my anxiety.
I also started seeing a therapist and take an antidepressant (currently not effective, and am in the process of lowering my dose to try another, but having my blood pressure taken at the doctors is one of my anxieties, so I haven’t made the switch yet).
Like you, it can be anything (this wart, that mole, colon cancer, and cardiac arrest concerns just in this week alone).
I also have the Claire Weekes’ book and it is good.
I’m sorry I don’t offer much help, but I do understand 💐🌸

Yes, the previous poster nailed it - the idea is that you notice the obsessive thought without engaging with it (which would be the compulsion) - so instead of thinking 'I'm sure I'll be fine' or 'maybe I should book a test', you recognise it 'that's just an obsessive thought' and try to move onto something else. It is really difficult because you will feel very uncomfortable not engaging with it. You can think of it like an addiction, your brain will be screaming out to just think the thoughts. It's very high challenge to undo the neural pathways, and a specialist therapist can help. You can read more about it on a site like NOCD but I wouldn't use them for an online therapist - being with another human in person can be very co-regulating and supportive. Good luck, there is definitely hope - ERP definitely has the best results for OCD but it takes a lot of commitment.

I feel that we're very similar in a lot of ways, I relate to so much you say. I'd say that sitting with it is impossible but of course it is possible because you have to - just not in peace. I would love to get to a place where I can accept 'It just is' and I think the Claire Weekes approach is maybe that? I'm not managing to float as she suggest though.

Bruce is very loud today, I hope Jan is quieter.