Horrific health anxiety - seem to be no options left to try

[Whatagooddog]

I don't really know what I'm hoping for writing this post.

I've had horrific health anxiety for years but today has been off the charts.

I've tried:
CBT
EMDR
I have a psychiatrist
I have a wonderful GP
I've had lots of counselling, therapy, and CPNs.
I've bought more apps and books and programmed than I can count.
I've breathed and I've visualised and all of the other things that suggest, 'maybe this will work'.

Nothing seems to work.

I do have a huge list of other health issues, some of which mean that a lot of medication isn't safe.

I guess I'm just always, always hopeful that someone out there knows something, that someone can help.

Tonight I'm convinced I'm going to have a stroke. I'm just waiting. And if it doesn't happen? I'll think it again tomorrow. And every other tomorrow will have something else.

Has anyone ever got through this?

Just to clarify OP (sorry if you've answered this, I've just come off a shift so sleepy brain misses things) - do you have OCD? As I do, and there's a big overlap for me with health anxiety. It goes through peaks and for me, dealing with underlying stressors is important, as it kind of feeds on other stress in life. Hence I attend therapy periodically which helps to ground me and deal with other problems which indirectly helps ease the health anxiety.
I have my comfort routines and hopefully you can find one that works for you. When it's bad, my routine is to 'burrito' myself by rolling up in a duvet so I feel safe, which eases panic attack type symptoms for me. Then I always put on one of the same 3 films. Afterwards, I go for a brisk walk to get my energy out. Rinse and repeat. Finding a routine that works for you to directly soothe the symptoms is a game changer, and you will find things that comfort you. Sending strength - was convinced I had all sorts last year like sepsis, bone cancer 🙄 obviously I didn't! But the thoughts in the moment are so powerful aren't they 🙈

can you afford a private consultation with one of the very few hormone informed psychiatrists there are?
Have a look at what this psyc working with Newson clinic has to say
www.instagram.com/reel/DdFBZ09AP9w/

The first time I tried it it took a few weeks. I was on it for a year and then came off. Tried to cope without it but had some serious health issues that triggered it again so I went back on it again and that time I felt the difference after only a couple of days and no side effects. Im planning on taking them long term as I never want to go back to how I felt before. I feel like i have my life back.

I had a breakdown when I was 40. I gradually got my life back together again then I'd say the last two or three years it had been spectacularly awful. So, last period at 53, chronic health anxiety since 57, but so much more too.

I have cPTSD, I'm diabetic, bipolar, sensory processing disorder, nosophobia, treatment resistant depression, heart issue and more - I'm a bloody wreck. I'd choose to get rid of the health anxiety over every single thing.

Yes, I could thank you - I'm so grateful to people who are coming up with these things ❤️

No I don't - but you're absolutely right about the power of them in the moment. The funny (?) thing is that on a few occasions this year, I've completely missed things that are wrong with me, they've been picked up by medical professionals which is the ultimate irony given that I'm constantly scanning. I'm obviously not even good at that!

I'm another who would recommend Claire Weekes' books. I used to have terrible health anxiety, and found them helpful. There's one called Coming Off Tranquillisers which was written when people were routinely given high doses of benzodiazepines and struggled to come off them. I wasn't on tranquillisers, but knowing that the symptoms people who were taking them were suffering were caused by anxiety not physical illness really helped. I had very similar ones, and was convinced I had all sorts of awful conditions. I read the books over and over again - they are very simple - probably because they were designed to be read by people whose minds were taken up with fear and worry.

In the end I kept a notebook, and wrote down every symptom, how long it lasted and anything I'd been doing when it started and stopped. After a while, I could see that symptoms coming and going (and not worsening) weren't going to be because of an illness, and knowing that I'd had them all before and recovered meant that I was not physically ill. It took a while to sink in, but it worked, and beyond the usual worry if I have medical tests, I don't think about it now. This was years ago (the 80s), and now you could do it on your phone, or even use a database of something if you're so inclined.

I have a family member with a huge health anxiety and because it is not possible to get proper check-ups regularly in the UK just because you are anxious, she found it very calming to be a blood donor. She does it maybe once every 6 months, but what they do is they check her haemoglobin levels immediately before donation and then she receives a proper rundown of all her haematology numbers afterwards, plus they do wild things like West Nile check, etc.
It helps her enormously - and she is happy she is helping others as well.

She also planned to sign up for ultrasound training as volunteer - so whe would be used as a patient and they would scan her, it is a 3-day course, they do heart on day one and other stuff on other days - I don't know whether she managed to or not, but she said it would help her.

It really it shit OP, there’s no two ways about it, but I guess at least we know we’re not the only ones (not that it helps our situation, but at least we’re not total outliers!)

It’s compounded by the fact it feels like we’re wasting time worrying about all this shit that will probably never happen- the irony of it all eh?

Anyway, I’m sending a virtual hug and a reminder that you’re not alone- it sounds like you’ve had lots of (real!) health issues to deal with, so I’m sure you’re pretty strong.

Btw I’ve also given mine a name - Jan! - and when ‘she’ pipes up I try to give her a nod and basically ‘sure Jan, thanks for that but you can pipe down now’. Sadly ‘Jan’ still hasn’t got the memo that she’s talking a load of shite and is incredibly unhelpful…

Thank you all for your posts last night, there was such kindness and it actually does help to know others have it too.

TheSunBeatsDown - I found the copy of the Claire Weekes book you mentioned that I'd bought before (6 years ago according to Amazon) and I've clearly never even opened it. I started reading it an hour ago and can't quite believe how she's managed to put it into words already. You have given me such a wonderful suggestion there.

It was a bad night, even with diazepam, and I've been in panic mode for quite a while already, just taken some more medication and trying desperately not to spiral.

Thank you all again

Thank you ShyMaryEllen - I went to buy a Weekes book last night, discovered I'd already done so six years ago, but when I found it, I'd clearly never even opened it. I'm doing so now and finding it quite remarkable how she is putting into words so much of what I'm going through.

That's a very good idea about your symptom notebook. I've been loathe to write down what I feel as it would be constant, but if I stick to specific symptoms, maybe that would be better?

I'm very glad these strategies helped you and I hope that continues 💐

#Bumblenbean* No, 'Bruce' doesn't fuck off that much either - maybe he's in a corner with Jan somewhere, plotting . . .

Your posts have been really supportive and wise, thank you so much. I have no friends, so if you'd like to come round and tell me it all in person, that would be great 😉

I used to have dreadful health anxiety as part of PTSD and sertraline worked absolute wonders for me so it’s a shame it hasn’t for you, have you tried any other medication?

Another thing that helped with general anxiety was getting my ferritin/HB up to a decent level. I was chronically anemic for years and had a ferritin of 3 before they offered me decent drugs and endometrial ablation which miraculously seemed to sort out a lot of my mental health issues. Our NHS seem to consider anaemia as an inconsequential issue, probably because it mostly affects women, but sorting it out improved my medical and physical health immeasurably.

You could try breathing physiotherapy. Sounds mad I know, but there are physios who can teach you to breathe properly and this has all sorts of positive effects on the body way beyond its effects on the lungs, including on anxiety, and anxiety-related illnesses. It is not just 'deep breathing', or 'breathe through the panic attack' kind of stuff. It does need to be a physio treating/teaching you. It has been life-changing for some people.

A family member has severe health anxiety too. So far she has not found the magic bullet that helps - reading the responses is interesting but unfortunately I can’t give you any more suggestions.

But for sure, wellbeing improving activities help her. Maybe they are just a distraction but I’d like to think they add more value than that.

My challenge to you, is what can / do you do to support your wellbeing? Do you read, knit, practice yoga, eat chocolate, volunteer? Those you love are probably worried about you if they know, and will be happy to support you I’m sure, even if its things like dog sitting to enable you go to knit and natter.

I'm embarrassed to say, but I do nothing. I've never had hobbies apart from reading - I do still read but something seems to happen even when I'm enjoying a book where I think, yes this is good, but I don't particularly care. So I don't bother finishing it.

The thought of doing anything seems absolutely impossible even if I could think of something that I'd enjoy or would distract me or interest me. This is utterly all-consuming. It takes up all of my life. I am wasting every moment I have. It's not a matter of challenging myself I'm afraid, I wish it were.

I appreciate your post and I'm not trying to be dismissive of it as I'm sure it does help, but I'm so very far away from even the first step towards it.

I will read into that, thank you.

Daily gym has done so much more for my anxiety then any the therapy

I've tried quite a few but unfortunately the heart issue I have rules a lot of them out. I get my bloods checked every November and they were fine last time, but they'll get done again soon so maybe that will be something.

When I was on sertraline, I wouldn't say the anxiety left but I didn't care as much. I sort of felt, well it's there, but you can't do anything about anything. If something's going to kill you, who cares? It was despondency and numbness rather than anxiety. Probably better though in some ways.

What are you actually worried about? The pain of dying or actually being dead?

What you’re describing sounds incredibly exhausting and isolating. 💐 Please don’t worry about sounding dismissive. I appreciate you explaining just how far away those first steps feel right now.

I’m not a doctor, but you sound, unsurprisingly, low. Do you think it’s worth seeking a second opinion to try to treat your depression? Getting a view on the state of your hormones is probably also a good shout, speaking from personal experience. I’m really sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Oh bless you, you sound lovely OP! I’m glad it helped a tiny bit hearing from others who have the same issues.

It might definitely be worth trying a different medication even if just to lift your mood more than anything else. Though I appreciate it’s hard to ‘cheer up’ when Bruce is wittering on about impending catastrophes

Any chance you have ADHD ??
I had the most horrendous anxiety my entire life .
Turns out it was related to ADHD
Once I was on ritalin it's gone
No more anxiety.
I spent my whole life being put on one antidepressant after another.. nothing worked,they just made everything worse

Since traditional medicine and methods didn’t work for you, it might be worth trying things to take your mind off it and also change your outlook at life? Could you start the day with going for a run, also maybe some meditation and yoga? When I faced challenges in my life, I resorted to Buddhist teachings (although I’m not a Buddhist), because I find the way of thinking - accepting that some things can’t be changed and are out of our control - strangely comforting.

I could no sooner go for a run than fly to the moon I'm afraid. I'm shaking, terrified, panicking, I spend so much time either vomiting or on the toilet, often both at the same time, it often kicks in at the same time as I'm having auditory hallucinations.

I've sometimes thought that religion is the only thing I haven't tried. I know that's not what you meant, but I need something to save me at this point as I don't seem capable of it myself.