Horrific health anxiety - seem to be no options left to try

[Whatagooddog]

I don't really know what I'm hoping for writing this post.

I've had horrific health anxiety for years but today has been off the charts.

I've tried:
CBT
EMDR
I have a psychiatrist
I have a wonderful GP
I've had lots of counselling, therapy, and CPNs.
I've bought more apps and books and programmed than I can count.
I've breathed and I've visualised and all of the other things that suggest, 'maybe this will work'.

Nothing seems to work.

I do have a huge list of other health issues, some of which mean that a lot of medication isn't safe.

I guess I'm just always, always hopeful that someone out there knows something, that someone can help.

Tonight I'm convinced I'm going to have a stroke. I'm just waiting. And if it doesn't happen? I'll think it again tomorrow. And every other tomorrow will have something else.

Has anyone ever got through this?

I'm self employed and work from home - conscious decisions to fit in with my mental and physical issues. But I'm doing very little, to be honest. This is consuming me.

Partner and grown up kids, dog, everything in my world looks great - and no one apart from them has any idea whatsoever.

When I'm in it, the only thing that changes things is medication, but it's prn so limited.

That's one thing I haven't tried.

That's all really hit me bumblenbean and started me crying again. It seems exactly the same. I am so sorry that you have it too.

Partner is great, but sometimes I look at him and think, this isn't what you signed up for. I was a different person back then.

Control, certainty, mortality - those are the things, aren't they?

The modern hrt is risk free, thank God. It’s been around for so long too they’d know if it wasn’t.

I’m so sorry for you, it’s horrible.

I do try that but it's so much bigger and the fact that I do have genuine health issues compounds everything. I kind of have mantras that I repeat to remind myself when I can.

You've really given me something different to think about there as I just thought I was too old and way past it. Thank you

I don't have the solution in that I think it is something individual to each person. One of my relatives has had health anxiety for his whole life, the irony is he's 80 now and very healthy compared to most of his friends and family of that age, for all his fretting about cancer, stroke, heart attacks and hospital visits, he's remained pretty well and has now lived longer than average.

I know that doesn't mean anything about your own health, simply that anxiety is not correlated to outcomes.

The things that have helped me when getting into a state of extreme hypervigilance about bodily symptoms/anxiety were venlafaxine over a longer time period (took about two months to kick in) and using the old-fashioned advice of Clare Weekes 'Self Help for your Nerves' was very useful, it sounds distinctly unimpressive it's about accepting your chattering brain, floating through and letting time pass, but I found it very soothing to read this book, her others and also listen to her audiobook because she tells you that even if you don't do anything other than listen, you are helping yourself (in other words, you can be a bit rubbish and still helping yourself):

https://www.amazon.co.uk/SELF-HELP-YOUR-NERVES-overcoming-anxiety/dp/0722531559.

The audio-books are on Amazon.

I know your brain will be immediately looking for reasons you can't possibly take different medication (and I've noticed people with health anxiety are awful in the first few days of starting anti-d's as they constantly overmonitor their bodies for signs of 'side-effects', my relative went to A and E multiple times and gave up many many times because of this so they don't get the good effect of them) and why the self-help won't work, but I think starting to see that's your brain sabotaging yourself and just falling into loops that feel familiar is very helpful- you are anxious about your anxiety, and allowing your brain to be 'silly' and chatter away crap does help- it's like accepting it's a bit rubbish and saying that's ok, it always does that and doing other things anyway.

Over time, I've been able to replace the 'acceptance' which is allowing the endless chatter of negativitiy to just flow through with actual positive thinking, but that's happened over years and more naturally, I didn't plan to do it or practice it, but over time I've noticed I'm calmer and more philosophical about life.

I hope you find something just to help at this time of crisis, and give you a window of relief, and then over time start working towards trying some solutions with your GP and psychiatrist.

I'm self employed and work from home - which means that I can avoid doing anything when it's bad. I leave the house very rarely.

A stroke won’t kill you. People have loads these days and carry on. Meds are excellent.

How long did you try the sertraline for?

Thank you so much - your point about your 80 year old relative hits home actually. Think of all the good years he lost to it. And that's what I'm doing. I'm 60, I can't pretend the clock isn't ticking loudly but I'm throwing away what's left.

Your reply is very kind and I'll try that book suggestion.

I think it was about five months.

I'm trying to reply to these to distract me but if I miss any, please know that I'm so grateful to anyone who responds.

I also have friends who have had great success on HRT for anxiety that has come on in mid-life, not for me for different reasons, but I would absolutely think about that as another viable option, one of my friends completely lost her bubbly confident personality and got taken over by anxiety and HRT has just brought her back to herself.

I don't think of this as particularly about health though, or mortality, they are just the triggers for the spiralling type of rumination- it could be about health or cleanliness or love (I had periods of being distressingly obsessed about whether my partner was right for me and that's now considered part of OCD), intrusive thoughts about all kinds of things- it's like you are stuck in a pattern of thinking that is difficult to escape. That's why I like Clare Weekes advice which is- don't try to escape! It just is- and the more you try to control it, the more it will control you. I find her counter-intuitive approach very helpful. Good luck OP!

Have you tried acceptance commitment therapy?

Also I mean this kindly have you had a life threatening event or accident? In the event it happens, survival instinct takes over. Its worse for people you know, family and friends.

Thank you so much ❤️

I researched…

but I was put onto antibiotics at permanently low dose for previous 10 years, for chronic UTI and kidney infections, was being told to go onto meds like PPI for functional gastro issue that was causing constant vomitting and diarrhoea..and none of those are good long term…i was living in loo and couldn’t travel…I was pissed off and my quality of life was crap. I was also overweight, unfit, tired all time, high blood pressure: a lot of which I think was down to rewlly poor sleep for years and years. Plus the flashes .

i was wrecked, gave up work and retired early at 55 due to symptoms (my job involved a lot of travel intercontinental and Europe and I couldn’t cope with accidents and being even more sleep deprived with time zone changes).

I tried just about everything else. I read about HRT patches…and realised the benefits may outweigh negatives. Talked to GP yet agian about all health issues, and she checked with menopause clinic and got go ahead,

I’ve been on for just 12 months. I was also on long waiting list to see urologist re antibiotics as I had literally got down to last one I wasn’t resistant to and it’s not a good one form liver function to be on all the time. I have literally been through test again, and he’s also said HRT, and I’m now on pessary cream too and off antibiotics . Why the bloody hell they didn’t do that 10 years ago god only knows. I now read it is so common for menopause and it should have been a first line before antibiotics

ALL drugs have risk and benefits. I know as used to work as scientist in pharma industry. I look at risks that can been mitigated and those that can’t. Make changes to mitigate those where I can. I look at benefits to my quality of life, not length of life. What’s the point in living to 100 if all you are doing is surviving and in a state of anxious depression? Or being chained to a bathroom most of time ? No brainer for me.

I had 3 month trial of patches first. I saw difference literally within the first 6 weeks. Did get a few side effects…like my migraines came back occasionally, and breast tenderness..but generally have settled down now.

improving sleep in itself has been so life changing. I am actually able to loose weight now with diet changes as well…2.5 stones since May …and I feel so much better.

I actually feel happy at times, lots of times.

as I say everyone is different…but you can go onto HRT in your 60s. If it works for you. Find your expert menopause GP in your practice, if you want to explore further. And google about benefits vs risks looking at medical research, not social media,

I've just seen this about rarely leaving the house- honestly, OP, get a few Clare Weekes books and just read them by yourself, get the audio on Audible and just listen, she treated people with agoraphobia for decades. It's not a 'cure' as such, it's a way of living that might provide you with some comfort and allow you just a bit of breathing room in your brain to work this out. I feel you can do that though.

No, I've never heard of that but will look into it.

I'm terms of events, definitely but I feel I always had resilience. That's completely gone now.

I actually just went to buy it and noticed that I already have! I'm going to listen to it instead of reading and see if it helps.

Sorry, but modern HRT is not “risk free”
no medication is.
I’m ex pharma research so don’t say that lightly
It is always a risk vs benefit decison even with paracetamol, antibiotics, blood pressure tabs, or anything else at all.

sure, hrt is better than was 20 years ago. Different types do different jobs, and depends on your age. we also know more about what is best and how to mitigate some risks. For instance, At over 60 it’ll be patches only option normally, and maybe pessary if need help with all things gynae/urinary/sexual

As I said, do your proper research, weigh up risk and benefits, and then do a trial if you’re interested. A short trial of 3 months will soon show if it helps. And that won’t do you any long term harm normally.

This might sound a bit trivial, and I don't mean it to be, but have you tried accepting that you're anxious and not trying to fix it? So when the anxiety comes, have a "Ah, anxiety, my old familiar friend" attitude, instead of "Oh my goodness, here we go again, I'm anxious about my health, I need to stop it." Accepting that you get anxious might help diffuse it.

A relative of mine gets a certain pain, then they get chest tightness, etc., but when I go through a simple Q&A of 'is the pain different or worse to normal?', 'did pain killers help at all?', 'did the chest tightness start once you realised you had that pain?', it brings them back to a more rational understanding that this is just like always, and they are feeling anxious.

That's amazing, I'm so glad it's worked for you and you have your life back. Your replies are really helpful and I appreciate the time you've taken. My GP is great, I've only had her since January but I think she'd do anything to help - I was with her for 90 minutes tonight and I can call her any time, but a specialist is a good call.

Thank you again 💐

Yes, I have - I've also tried giving it a name and telling it to fuck off!

It's not a trivial suggestion at all though and the rationality is something I'd love, I'm just useless at it

Question: have you always felt this way? Or has it come on and got worse as you reached peri and then menopausal ages…if there’s a whiff of correlation that could also point to hormone loss sensitivity driving some of this potentially,