Husband spied on me through bathroom and bedrooms doors in the past and concerned somethings happening again

[Pitterpatterruby]

I’ve never spoken of this, but I caught my husband spying on me one evening in the bathroom through a small hole he had made with a small screw. He denied it at first, but never truly admitted it but apologised, I also discovered he had also made holes in the bedroom door.
we moved on, but one evening he was watching a video, he made the effort to close it as soon as I entered the room, he denied it was anything and made an excuse, I assumed he had been looking at porn. But, he seems to know when I’ve been in a certain draw in our bedroom as he said his clothes get moved (it’s where I keep my sex toy, sorry tmi), he seemed to know I had used it, even though it would have been incredibly hard for him to know. I have started suspecting a camera or listening device in the bedroom, so I have pretended to call a man in the bedroom this morning, only this will confirm my suspicions.
I don’t know what I’m hoping from this post, but I think I needed to write it down.

What made you decide to stay with him after discovering the spy hole?

He's a peeping tom. Chances are he's not only doing it to you, but is probably trying to look in the windows of the houses opposite.

Revolting.

Oh god ewww, how can you stay with him knowing this?

Okay so rather than address the situation and either row or embarrass or leave him you've decided to play along and act like you're calling a man like he has some cuckhold fantasy ??? Sure

I don't know how you sleep at night.

OP do you have access to his laptop? I just wonder if he’s been recording you given the way he slammed it shut, I’d also want the chance to check he hadn’t uploaded the recordings anywhere.

sorry this is happening, it’s a huge betrayal. Do you have a plan of action if/when you confirm what he’s been doing?

Do you have children? If so, are they safe from him? I doubt if you are his only victim, sorry, this would be a dealbreaker for me. What does 'we moved on' mean? Is it that you swept it under the carpet and didn't address the issue? Check your home for hidden cameras - that would explain him knowing what draw you had been in. He probably has a Ring like app on his phone or laptop. I honestly don't know how you can stay with him, it is beyond creepy. Dangerous too, if you have kids or if you ever have house guests. I would be furious with you both, if I or my child stayed with you and I discovered that you knew what he was doing.

Get a look at his phone and laptop Op, if he's filming you he could be uploading them onto online sites. Too many men have secret corners to their sex lives, he could be turned on by other men seeing you against your will

No I’ve decided to do something that will confirm any suspicions I have, if I ask him he could deny it, doing what I’ve done will confirm if he is actively watching/listening.
I actually looked online and this was advice that was given to others.

I'm so sorry, that sounds like an awful situation for you. I hope you get to the bottom of it.

He was sorry and realised it was wrong, he said he suspected I was cheating, I used to sometimes spend a while sat on the toilet flicking through things on my phone, but rather than confront me, he made a stupid choice.

Totally not the point - but it's a very unhealthy habit to sit on the toilet longer than you need to. You'll get bowel issues.

Sorry... I know not the point....

This. How incredibly disturbing.

This is not a safe man to be around. Speak to women's aid. Please say there's no children in the house?

Let's hope spying on you is "all" he is doing. This kind of peeping Tom behaviour is how a lot of serial rapists (and worse) get started. He may well be uploading videos of you to the net too or sharing them in another way. Why on earth are you still with him? He's a predator.

I think if you think he could be the kind of person that could do that, it doesn't really matter if he has. You should leave either way

Why are you believing his ridiculous stories, OP?

Do you have any children living in the house? If so, you do realise he'll be looking at them too, don't you?

Is he controlling in any other aspects of your life?

But no, I couldn't live with someone like this, I would be paranoid and not be able to relax in my own home, let alone him being a.. pervert for want of a better word.

Omg. This happened to a friend of mine. Her DP had a voyeurism fetish. Turned out he had gotten into trouble for recording their housekeeper as a teenager and his friends at university (he invited them to stay and set up cameras in the room)

Is your sex life normal and active? My friend’s sex life really dried up quickly. He spent an inordinate amount of money on drones. With hindsight she thought he probably just didn’t get aroused by normal sex / it was a true fetish in that sense

She broke up after 2.5 years when she found out about his history, he confessed one night when drunk

This is my only point of reference but I wonder if he might have a similar fetish

Is it wise or safe to make him think you are cheating on him?

This is hugely creepy, I don’t know how you can be with someone like that.

seperately, they are drawers, not draws.

An obvious lie and also completely crazy as a way of thinking.

But you know he's doing it? He admitted it before. Why would you need evidence now?

When men have fetishes, they don't just suddenly give them up

This actually sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.

Are you sure he wouldn't harm you if he thought you were cheating? He is clearly slightly unhinged to spy on you.

Call women’s aid.
His reasoning sounds extremely poor, I’m concerned as you seem to believe his excuse re cheating.
I too would be concerned with e-spying devices and uploading videos.
You’re in an incredibly unhealthy situation. What support do you have for leaving?