My cat is spending most of the time at another house/garden down the road, and it's pissing me off. What can I do about this?

[GorgeousSpringtime]

Putting this on 30 days only in case it goes south and I want it to disappear off here.

So, in October, we got a kitten - 2-3 months old at the time ... (Lenny.) We kept him indoors til February so he knew this was his home, and we had him spayed. He's about a year old now.

For the last 3-4 months he has been spending a lot of time at a house/garden around 7 doors down. The woman there who is in her 50s I would say, is in her garden a lot, (and seems to be at home a lot.) Lenny was originally attracted by the food she gives to the hedgehogs.

According to one of the neighbours who lives halfway between us, (who speaks to this woman a bit more than I do,) she welcomes Lenny and is happy for him to be there, My other neighbour suggested to her that she stops feeding the hedgehogs to try and stop the cat coming. She refused, saying she has never had this problem before, and that cats don't usually come for the hedgehog food as it's in a feeding station that cats cannot get into. Except my cat can as he's quite small!

He spends HOURS in her garden. Sometimes most of the day. And very little time in ours. Fair play, our garden is decked and has patios, and hers is large with plenty of wild areas... and trees and bushes. She has no cats but did have cats for about 30 years. Last one died 2 years ago and she chose to have no more. (My neighbour who lives close to her said she has told her this, she talks to her more than I do.) The woman joked that it's lovely having a cat around, have his company, and give him fuss and cuddles, without the commitment or the vet bills!

AIBU to think this is a massive cheek and an absolute nerve? She has said to this other neighbour she doesn't want another cat, so I don't think she is trying to steal him, but it's irking me that she has my cat at her house and in her garden more than I do, and he's my cat! I work 3 days a week (the days vary, but are usually Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday,) and DH works full time, but the Lenny's not on his own that much! He gets love and cuddles and fuss from us, and is a very friendly, affectionate cat. I can see why this woman likes him, but why is he at hers so much? Whilst she may not have deliberately set out to coax him there, she seems to be doing nothing to make him leave!

This is really pissing me off. What should I do, if anything?

Not sure there's anything much you can do other than keep him in. We have a neighbour's cat who hangs out at ours all hours of the day.
He's an older tom so not yours 😀

Be happy they are not grumbling about him pooing in the garden etc. Hopefully he will grow up and not be able to eat there.

Thank you @HereForTheFreeLunch but we don't really want to keep him in. He is definitely an outdoor cat, he loves being outside.

Unfortunately that is cats for you. Absolutely no allegiance to anyone.
They like who they like & go where they want.
I had a boy who came home stinking of cheap perfume - utter flirty bastard.
There's nothing to be done.
LTB

😆

You can either keep him inside 24/7 as a house cat which is cruel given he enjoys being outside and is clearly safe & looked after in your neighbourhood or you can accept it. Cats will wonder, it’s in their nature to explore. I personally think it’s sweet, she knows he’s not hers and has no intention of luring him over, just a woman enjoying her garden who’s made a cat friend.

You can’t control your neighbours or an outdoor cat. It’s as simple as that.

Did you explain to the cat that he had to stay in your garden? If so, what did he say? It’s incredibly cheeky that when he’s let out into the big wide word, he chooses to wander. One wonders why you let him out, really.

What's annoyed me I think is the woman saying 'ha ha I have the company of a cat and all the fuss and cuddles, but no vet bills or commitment.' This has pissed me off for some reason LOL. I also feel annoyed Lenny is with her more than me! Had cats for many years (4 cats over 22 years or so,) but no cat has ever done this before... We have another cat, female aged 4 who rarely leaves our house, spends an hour or so a day in the garden, and is with us all the time virtually, but Lenny is just off to this woman's house all the time!

If you don't want to keep him in (and I agree that you shouldn't), then I think you just have to accept that he is free to roam. It doesn't sound like she is feeding him, simply that he is helping himself to her hedgehog food.

I guess all you can do is try to make your own garden more attractive to the cat than hers!

Yes I don't want to keep him in. And at least she is being nice to him I suppose. I just feel a bit miffed LOL.

I think you are BU to be pissed off about this. What she said is true.

Perhaps you should be grateful for the fact that she isn't constantly complaining to you about your cat coming into her garden uninvited?

Unfortunately Lenny is just not that into you, Op.

In all seriousness though I would in a friendly manner aproach your neighbour with something like
"I hope Unfaithful Cat isn't making a nusiance of himself😃, its lovely he's found a favourite spot - can i just ask that you don't feed him? For medication/dietry purposes"

I had a greedy girl who needed specialist food & it was a nightmare asking neighbours to get taken in by her plea's of neglect & starvation.

This is just what having a cat comes with. They choose where they want to spend their time.

*Not to 🙄

There isn't much that you can do. Our cat likes to spend time in a garden several doors down. The chap doesn't feed him he just seems to like hanging out there. If we leave our back door open the siamese from three doors often comes in just for a stroke and visits several other houses on the street.

I think you are being unfair towards that woman. She has done nothing wrong.

Your cat decided to visit her garden and it is not reasonable to expect her to stop feeding hedgehogs because of it. She is just going about her business and is simply being friendly when your cat comes in.

I have my own cat but my neighbour's cat also decided to spend a lot of time in my garden as soon as I moved into my house and also lets himself into my house every day to see if my cat has left any food...

He goes back home when my neighbour comes back from work.

Many cats like to roam and will spend time in other people's gardens. Not much you can do about it.

What are you feeding him? Maybe improve the quality of the kitty food?

Check recent law changes about dcats...
She needs to stop encouraging it.

Cats are not loyal. The sooner you accept this, the easier it will be for you. Lenny likes the attention obviously, he has found a little playground that has extra food for him.

Be happy for him. He might get bored with her and realise where his true heart is. With you! In the meantime, entice him with snacks and toys 😉

Yabu, cats do what they want. Your neighbours garden sounds lovely.

Just tell your cat he is no longer to visit the lady at number 32. It’s not really her fault.

As long as she knows not to feed him it's fine. That's what cats do,they roam around other people's gardens.

We have the opposite problem. Never had a cat, never wanted one. One day this blimmin massive cat decided he liked our garden and from the on was in there every day. I never fed him and never let him in the house, except the few times he sauntered in by himself and I had to chase him out. Loves the kids and they would stroke him.

Then I got a cat of my own, hates the first cat, won't let him in the back garden. First cat now just turns up and sleeps on our doorstep, despite not getting food, shelter, cuddles, or anything bar the odd stroke in passing from the kids. He literally leaves for 5 mins and comes back smelling of cat food so I know he's got a home somewhere and his owners are probably livid, but unless I'm horrible to him, how do I make him leave? Cats gonna cat I've realised 😂

You could try planting some cat mint in your garden, or in some tubs on your patio, to make the space more interesting to him. Cats like shrubs to sit under, as well. Just a few extra cat friendly features could make your garden more appealing for him. And feed him treats in your own garden, too, so he associates your space with food, too, and not just the other garden.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, OP.

You need to accept the fact that Lenny is not a faithful cat. No matter how much he loves you, he clearly adores the attention he gets from the woman down the road.

I took in a stray cat. I thought he loved me more than anyone, until I heard him schmoozing with the old chap next door. They were having a right old time of it!

This is what cats do, they always seem to have a backup plan. Like a poster said upthread: at least she is welcoming him. You read a lot of post on here about people who are sick and tired of cats wandering into their gardens. I completely get why you are getting cross about this, but realistically I think you need to let it go.

My boy is 13 now, and disappears for hours at a time … I have no idea where he is. He could be asleep under a shrub in our garden, or he could be hobnobbing with the divorcee two doors down.

Your neighbour is allowed to put out food for the hedgehogs in her own garden. If you were to approach her at all, the only thing I can think of is that you ask her to put it out at night (is Lenny indoors at night?) Years ago we had many hedgehogs where I used to live, and I would put out food for them, but I didn’t put it out until at least 10 o’clock at night.