My cat is spending most of the time at another house/garden down the road, and it's pissing me off. What can I do about this?

[GorgeousSpringtime]

Putting this on 30 days only in case it goes south and I want it to disappear off here.

So, in October, we got a kitten - 2-3 months old at the time ... (Lenny.) We kept him indoors til February so he knew this was his home, and we had him spayed. He's about a year old now.

For the last 3-4 months he has been spending a lot of time at a house/garden around 7 doors down. The woman there who is in her 50s I would say, is in her garden a lot, (and seems to be at home a lot.) Lenny was originally attracted by the food she gives to the hedgehogs.

According to one of the neighbours who lives halfway between us, (who speaks to this woman a bit more than I do,) she welcomes Lenny and is happy for him to be there, My other neighbour suggested to her that she stops feeding the hedgehogs to try and stop the cat coming. She refused, saying she has never had this problem before, and that cats don't usually come for the hedgehog food as it's in a feeding station that cats cannot get into. Except my cat can as he's quite small!

He spends HOURS in her garden. Sometimes most of the day. And very little time in ours. Fair play, our garden is decked and has patios, and hers is large with plenty of wild areas... and trees and bushes. She has no cats but did have cats for about 30 years. Last one died 2 years ago and she chose to have no more. (My neighbour who lives close to her said she has told her this, she talks to her more than I do.) The woman joked that it's lovely having a cat around, have his company, and give him fuss and cuddles, without the commitment or the vet bills!

AIBU to think this is a massive cheek and an absolute nerve? She has said to this other neighbour she doesn't want another cat, so I don't think she is trying to steal him, but it's irking me that she has my cat at her house and in her garden more than I do, and he's my cat! I work 3 days a week (the days vary, but are usually Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday,) and DH works full time, but the Lenny's not on his own that much! He gets love and cuddles and fuss from us, and is a very friendly, affectionate cat. I can see why this woman likes him, but why is he at hers so much? Whilst she may not have deliberately set out to coax him there, she seems to be doing nothing to make him leave!

This is really pissing me off. What should I do, if anything?

He's a cat, that is all.

I could say this. I don't think she actually feeds him per se, but he does get the food she gives to the hedgehogs. And the neighbour who speaks to her (who lives halfway between us) said she refused to stop feeding them when asked.

Cats will be doing catty things. I agree with a poster up thread, could you try and make your garden moee cat friendly as it were, lots of catmint, places to hide etc. I expect Pinterest would have loads of good ideas,

Lenny quite clearly prefers this lady's home to yours.
You could lock him in, or be happy he's happy.

Yes, Lenny does go out at night sometimes, and the lady does feed the hedgehogs at night. He knows the food is there in the hedgehog feeding station and goes in to get it. She has to put more in sometimes as he sometimes eats it all!

I think he sleeps in her garden sometimes.

He will be bigger soon, cats don't get full size til 18 months old - so hopefully he won't fit in the hedgehog station by next Spring.. She will stop feeding the hegdgehogs in October/November, so when she starts feeding them again he will be too big to get in to the feeding station hopefully.

I may have to try this, making our garden more appealing. Never heard of cat mint.

They are fickle though. I’m bit like your neighbour in that my 2 cats have died, I don’t want another and I spend time in my garden. A couple of years back one of the neighbours cats (I call her Fluffy) took up visiting my garden and running in to see me whenever I went out there. Shes very friendly and would jump on my lap if I sat down, then try bite my hands so I guess she was quite young. Anyway I never fed her and certainly wouldn’t encourage her in, nor would I discourage her. She doesn’t visit anymore but I sometimes see her in passing. Hopefully your Lenny will get bored soon enough

Stop letting him out. Build a catio/run in your garden and provide him with stimulation in your house.

The local wildlife will thank you, and you won’t have to worry about him getting hit by a car.

Cats are fickle creatures and go where they want!

Our neighbours 2 cats spend most days in our garden - lying on top of our shed or in the long grass. We are not cat people (I'm allergic) we don't feed them or pet them or go anywhere near them really. They just like our garden for some reason! I don't encourage them, nor do I chase them away - I just leave them be 🤷‍♀️

"I think he sleeps in her garden"

LENNY! You low down dirty lying cheating fuzzball

I have 3 cats, 1 males and 1 female. The female very rarely leaves the house except to toilet but the male cat marches up and down our garden wall. During the day they are free to go out or stay in but I lock them in overnight at about 9pm immediately after I feed them. I'm sure my boy cat would like to go out at night but more cats get run over at night so in he stays. Could you lock Lenny in overnight. I think girl cats stay at home more.

Cats like long grass. If you cut it they may not come to play.

I think you’re looking at this all wrong OP. Lenny has found love and you have acquired a free cat sitter. Make friends with the woman and then you can ask her for holiday cover, without guilt or payment (except for a bottle of airport wine).

Cats are going to cat, whatever you do.

You definitely can’t tell her to stop feeding the hedgehogs (who definitely need help the summer) in her own garden!

Lenny is a tart.

My auntie has this where the neighbours cat thinks it's her cat. She also feeds it, and the cat wonders into her home. However it is undoubtedly her neighbours cat when it needs to go to the vets, and incurs costs!

I wish you were my neighbour. Her male cat has a crush on one of my females and is constantly lying on my patio looking in and has been in my house fighting with her and trying to eat their food. Then again that’s the least of my problems as their massive dog keeps escaping too….

Keep him in for a month to reset and hope he doesn't go back.

Go round and politely tell her to stop, tell her some crap about him having allergies or whatever and she's making him very poorly.

Then if you want to go extreme, send a recorded delivery letter telling her to stop or you will follow up with legal action.

Finally, follow up with a solicitors letter.

We had a cat, who mostly stayed at home, she lived for 21 years and was very cuddly and sweet. Our next cat is now 16, aloof and a bit snooty, she pops to 4 of our neighbours who feed her treats and give her a fuss, she chooses which garden to sunbathe in and has us all around her little paw! I felt a bit miffed at first but now I realise there's no such thing as too much love. She comes back in for bedtime and at least we know she's not short of company.

Winter is coming. Make sure you get your heating on early and entice him home with a good warm bed

Bloody Nora. I would just write him off as preferring her and I would just adopt another new cat and let Lenny go!!

I don't agree with her feeding him but the fact the garden is full of insects, wildlife, plants etc will naturally make him fond of it.

I guess every time you find he's there go round and collect him. And keep telling her not to feed him.

I feel for you but he has to be able to roam around and spend some time in other gardens if he wants. It wouldn't be fair to lock him in.

Lenny might just be an utter flirt, or he might prefer the fact your neighbour has a more traditional garden with different smells, wildlife and hiding places. You’ve said your garden isn’t as cat friendly. It’s not fair to blame your neighbour and it’s very unfair to ask her to stop feeding hedgehogs in her own garden.
I think you need to learn to live with the fact - cats will cat.

This. A neighbours cat has decided in the last six months or so that it adores us and has made it their life's mission to get into our house. We relented, let them in and now I'm in love with the fluffy bugger 😅 having been fairly ambivalent towards cats previously and more of a dog person. We only feed it in their own house and it doesn't stay overnight. Neighbours get free cat sitter when they're away, I get the snuggles. Win win!

Worst case cats choose their owners, not the other way around. You may need to accept this. You won't change Lenny.

Best case he has a second home. Be happy about that!