My cat is spending most of the time at another house/garden down the road, and it's pissing me off. What can I do about this?

[GorgeousSpringtime]

Putting this on 30 days only in case it goes south and I want it to disappear off here.

So, in October, we got a kitten - 2-3 months old at the time ... (Lenny.) We kept him indoors til February so he knew this was his home, and we had him spayed. He's about a year old now.

For the last 3-4 months he has been spending a lot of time at a house/garden around 7 doors down. The woman there who is in her 50s I would say, is in her garden a lot, (and seems to be at home a lot.) Lenny was originally attracted by the food she gives to the hedgehogs.

According to one of the neighbours who lives halfway between us, (who speaks to this woman a bit more than I do,) she welcomes Lenny and is happy for him to be there, My other neighbour suggested to her that she stops feeding the hedgehogs to try and stop the cat coming. She refused, saying she has never had this problem before, and that cats don't usually come for the hedgehog food as it's in a feeding station that cats cannot get into. Except my cat can as he's quite small!

He spends HOURS in her garden. Sometimes most of the day. And very little time in ours. Fair play, our garden is decked and has patios, and hers is large with plenty of wild areas... and trees and bushes. She has no cats but did have cats for about 30 years. Last one died 2 years ago and she chose to have no more. (My neighbour who lives close to her said she has told her this, she talks to her more than I do.) The woman joked that it's lovely having a cat around, have his company, and give him fuss and cuddles, without the commitment or the vet bills!

AIBU to think this is a massive cheek and an absolute nerve? She has said to this other neighbour she doesn't want another cat, so I don't think she is trying to steal him, but it's irking me that she has my cat at her house and in her garden more than I do, and he's my cat! I work 3 days a week (the days vary, but are usually Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday,) and DH works full time, but the Lenny's not on his own that much! He gets love and cuddles and fuss from us, and is a very friendly, affectionate cat. I can see why this woman likes him, but why is he at hers so much? Whilst she may not have deliberately set out to coax him there, she seems to be doing nothing to make him leave!

This is really pissing me off. What should I do, if anything?

Your jealous that the cat prefers her and your thinking of yourself and not the cats happiness. Let the cat do what makes it the happiest.

The neighbour isn't intentionally feeding him, and he is pinching hedgehog food, not cat food.

My cat spends more time in the neighbour down the roads garden than ours. Can be there hours every day. She comes back smelling of clothes conditioner which we don't use. I think the neighbours have a bed for their own cat in the garden.

Our cat does come back to us though. If we haven't seen in her a while, we just call her name near the neighbours house and she comes running in.

They love having her there. They definitely don't encourage her or feed her. We have a collar saying 'Do not feed'. She just is happy there. It's lovely knowing someone else keeps an eye on her wondering about. It was really useful when she hurt herself. They spotted her before we did, so she got to the vets much quicker.

She's been in a bit more over the last few days but is because it has been raining. It's just what she does.

I thought it might have been cat food they left for the hedgehogs then they keep doing it knowing the cat is in fact eating it? I know that some people can't resist a cute kitten and they don't have an issue with feeding others cats.

I have three cats.

one of mine has made friends with the two cats round the corner and spends most of her time in their garden.

honestly if the lady isn’t feeding your cat (and hedgehog food is not feeding your cat) you need to accept cats are going to cat.

don’t bother with catmint though. I bought a plant and put it in and my three spent the next three days in a drug induced haze while they ate it all, I would say it died but it was totally eaten.

Cats just like who they like. I had one nearly 20 who was all about me. When he passed we rescued another older cat. Despite efforts he’s just not that into me. He likes me well enough but LOVES my husband and even my mam more and has no issue flaunting it in my face. Think there’s only our toddler he likes less than me 😂

Cats are going to cat. Unless you are going to make him an indoor cat then I don’t think there’s much to be done. I assume he’ll outgrow the hedgehog feeding station eventually.

Perhaps catify the garden to tempt him back more often and nicer treats. Essentially you have to constantly play the pick me game. This woman has clearly been trained up to be a decent cat slave over the years. Give it a few decades and perhaps you too will be considered as knowing your place by the visiting cats. 😉

There is very little you can do, apart from maybe trying to make your garden more cat-friendly.

If you wanted an obedient bred tool who would blindly follow you, you should have got a dog.

Not get a roaming cat, then expect the world to change their behaviour for your benefit so it would prefer to go back to you, and have the audacity to call them cheeky for living their life as normal and not changing what they do on their own property for you.

I’ve got the same problem with one of mine but she only does it in the summer. When we light the first fire she returns.

Does he like tuna?

Our cat George is mad for it. When I open a tin I can rattle it and he comes running. I pair this with a loud high pitched whistle.

Now I only have to do the whistle and he comes running.

No advice op. I'm just here for the solicitor's letter. 😂

Maybe the neighbour will respond and get a restraining order on Lenny. He's a wrong 'un

Well that's an idea. A cat sitter on tap. 😆

If a cat wants to move next door for prawns and cream I am afraid it will. You can’t expect her to stop feeding the hedgehogs. You could give her a water pistol and ask that she scares him off but he might choose another more natural garden. Perhaps talk to her direct in a calm manner.

Are you mad?

I'm not sure I can tell her to stop doing something she's not doing. 😬She isn't doing anything wrong really.

I was hoping she could stop feeding the hedgehogs so Lenny will have nothing to go around for. But as has been said, hedgehogs do need food - I didn't think they did in summer, but I don't know much about hedgehogs sorry.

Also, I can't really send a solicitors letter, because she hasn't done anything wrong really. What would it say? I am just pissed off because my cat is spending more time at someone else's house than mine, and it feels like she is getting all the fuss and love and cuddles and the company, and I am left with the vet bills, the food bills, and the actual commitment of having a cat!

I think it is hedgehog food, but even if it's cat food, the lady does put it into a hedgehog feeding station with a small hedgehog sized door in and one out... Lenny is a small, young cat, and can get in, and he takes the food. So she is doing all she can to make sure that cats can't get the food to be fair.

Some cats are absolute floozies. There’s not much you can do tbh.

A SOLICITORS LETTER?
OMG😄 Imagine the neighbourhood facebook page!

@GorgeousSpringtime you could pitch a "sad face" story for the Mail
"The rise of benign cat - napping. How one woman fought for the love of her Lenny...AND LOST IN £100,000 court battle"

He loves tuna. Maybe I should try this!

😂 Shall I, shall I get one sent? I can do a Daily Mail compo face.

OP, you obviously haven't heard the expression "Dogs have owners, cats have staff"
You need to learn your place as the fallback human/food source. 🙂
In the summer, strange cats are often found kipping in my conservatory. As long as my cat accepts them that's fine.😻

‘Spaying’ is for female animals, not males. Anyway …

I think you’re being quite unfair to her. She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s not deliberately feeding him or keeping him inside her house. She’s simply a lady who likes cats and Lenny likes her garden. Not much you can do.

She's a cat and will make her own choices. My cat spends about half the summer days in other peoples gardens. Yoir neighbours garden sounds much more cat friendly than yours though, she won't want to sit on decking ot paving for long.

I first met our neighbour's cat when it landed on our bed in the middle of the night. Impressive bit of climbing to get to the third floor. Never fed the bastard. Still quite missed it when they moved house.