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How do I handle my MIL's constant comments about everyone’s weight?

55 replies

User3627282646322244 · 01/08/2026 13:56

My MIL is obsessive over her own weight as well as everyone else’s and it’s really getting me down as every conversation seems to be about weight. Either she’s started some new diet that will never work long term or she’s commenting on someone else’s. This has been going on for quite a few years but has seemed worse more recently. She also seems obsessed with what everyone is eating - or what they are not eating.

I am a couple stone overweight and I know this, I’m not in denial and know it help me health and confidence wise but it’s not at the point I’m obsessive. Going back a few years ago, after the first lockdown she told me that most people admitted to ICU with Covid are obese young females, looking me up and down. I bit my tongue at the time but it really upset me, not because she commented on my weight but because she knew I had significant health anxiety at the time after losing a relative of mine. I wasn’t in a good place, her comment which I know was inaccurate, made me think I was going to die of Covid. FYI, I’ve since got help and had therapy and on medication to help my anxiety levels. I’ve also got an under active thyroid which doesn’t help me situation regarding weight. She’s constantly asking me when I’m starting slimming world again / for context I went about 10 years ago, did lose weight but didn’t find the plan sustainable long term.

as for dp, he’s always been very slim, she used to call him ‘too skinny’ a few years ago, in more recent years he’s gained a couple stone - but still well within a healthy range and hasn’t gone up a clothes size - he just fills them up a bit more but she taps his stomach saying how he’s gained weight. He literally cannot win!

as for, teenage ds , not her bio grandchild as I already had ds when I met dp, he’s autistic and has suffered from poor MH, which lead to comfort eating and weight gain which we are working on without making him feel bad about himself, things are in a better place now and we’ve done everything to help him. But every time she visits she brings up his weight. A professional told us it wasn’t all about losing weight, but making sure he doesn’t gain anymore and ‘flattening the curve’ but mil thinks she knows better.

as for dd she’s a pre teen, she went through a little belly stage and now she’s had a growth spurt she looks more leaner but mil kept saying oh don’t you look like you’ve lost weight compared to what you used to be. We’ve never put much focus on her weight here, but she made us feel bad when dd needed clothes bigger than her actual age - but this is more to do with her height, she is pretty tall!

this is just a few examples. She also told her own daughter not to eat any bad food during pregnancy so she’d only gain baby weight!

she just seems to have so many opinions!

also mil is far from slim herself, and her partner is quite overweight - not that is my business but honestly it’s so frustrating!

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 01/08/2026 13:59

Tell her: no weight talk, or you'll have to end the conversation. If she keeps at it, hang up the phone or leave. It's not healthy for the kids to hear such talk. Would your DP tell her?

faithfultoGeorgeMichael · 01/08/2026 14:01

Say "Oh right, if we're making personal comments I will join in" then tell her you don't like her glasses/new hairstyle etc. I did this with my very blunt stepfather and it stopped him immediately and made everyone laugh a lot so he had to take it on the chin 😂

ParchedGarden · 01/08/2026 14:04

She’s not worried about being rude to you, so either of the above suggestions sound good to me.

4t4 · 01/08/2026 14:11

Christ alive. What a stupid fucking woman. No talk about your weight, your DS/DD weight or your DP weight. What planet is this woman on?

Weight is totally off limits.

Perhaps ask chat gpt to compose a diplomatic but clear message for your DP to send her.

Likeiloveyou · 01/08/2026 14:15

I would be avoiding this woman like the plague. Just don’t pick up the phone or arrange to see her any more than the bare minimum. DH can deal with her.

If she’s still pushing it, just say “it’s rude to comment on people’s weight though isn’t it MIL?” and walk away.

Pistachiocake · 01/08/2026 14:19

Sadly a lot of people (used to only be women, now men as well, progress eh?) obsess about weight. In the early days of Covid, a lot of people did try to lose weight as they genuinely felt it was the only way to save their lives. It sounds like she is obsessive, not nasty, from what you say (as in she's not a size 8 who thinks anyone bigger is a lazy sod and harping at you for not looking like VB?), so I'd take the approach that she needs to get some help if she can't shut up.

"Look MIL, I know you care about us, and that you're starting a new journey with Slimming World or whatever, and normally I'm keen to hear what you're up to, but I've told you I really don't like talking about weight. If I knew you had a topic you hated discussing, I'd respect you enough not to bring it up. Please can you do that for me? If you feel you can't, I really need you to seek professional counselling, because I won't be able to keep meeting you if you're going to be doing this all the time. Thanks!"

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/08/2026 14:22

‘We don’t discuss people’s weight or appearance in this family.’

Why do you put up with it? She definitely wouldn’t mention it twice to me.

Backedoffhackedoff · 01/08/2026 14:24

My ex MIl is the same. I don’t think you can stop her as she just won’t listen, and likely has an eating disorder herself. All you can do is say over and over something conversation ending like “when you talk about over weight people it makes me feel terrible about myself”

Rumpledandcrumpled · 01/08/2026 14:26

So what did she say when you asked her to not comment on you or your children’s weight?

blooba · 01/08/2026 14:31

Gosh, what a boring and rude woman. Does she have nothing going on in her life?

Tell her that any talk of weight or dieting is unwelcome in your house or around your children.

If she continues to talk to you about weight just completely grey rock it. Tell her once that you’re not interested in discussing weight, and give her zero response going forward.

Backedoffhackedoff · 01/08/2026 14:34

Rumpledandcrumpled · 01/08/2026 14:26

So what did she say when you asked her to not comment on you or your children’s weight?

Does OP indicate that has happened?

Shizzlestix · 01/08/2026 16:41

I had wl surgery because I was morbidly obese. Obviously, I wanted the comments re how much better I looked but one of my cousin’s dds went through a phase of extreme pickiness/not eating so any weight related comments or talk of size was banned. I thought that was absolutely fair. Can you do similar? Every time she opens her unpleasant mouth to mention it, you close her down.

friedaddedchilli · 01/08/2026 16:59

My mother has had a lifelong obsession with her and others' weight. It was the soundtrack of my unhappy childhood. Eventually (much, much later) I told her explicitly and bluntly that she was unhealthily focused on it and I didn't want to hear any comments about anyone's weight. It doesn't always stop her (it seems to be a reflex), but I close her down every time.

LinnetsWing · 01/08/2026 17:00

Just call her out on it every single time. Reinforce by punishing the bad behaviour (even if its only by removing your attention or your physical presence), and rewarding good behaviour with attention.

nc43214321 · 01/08/2026 17:09

Mine is exactly the same, grey rock and if she starts going on about it I just say oh well at-least they are happy! (Unlike her)

Sparkletastic · 01/08/2026 17:10

My mum does this. I’ve moved from stony silence to ‘the least interesting thing about people is their weight’ to cutting visits short and leaving / getting her to leave. The last is the most effective.

Teeheehee1579 · 01/08/2026 17:19

I think it’s quite a generational thing - my MIL is exactly like this. She said to my very slim daughter the other day ooh let’s treat ourselves to a bit of avocado with our salad shall we as an example of how bonkers it is. She gets upset if she thinks a helping is too big on anyone’s plate. Disordered and obsessional eating (although I will also say she is neatly 80 and is super fit and very healthy so perhaps she’s right 😀). We just ignore - items well known in the family and we just let her get on with it; cut the conversation dead etc. she is lovely in every other way.

BMW58 · 01/08/2026 17:30

Tell her straight that any talk about weight or diet is not to be had when your children are around - and you are bored of the subject yourself.

Tell her if she brings up the topic you will leave immediately or she will if visiting your home.

And carry through on this.

Viv45 · 01/08/2026 18:50

I worked with someone like this and also had it within my own family . For content all my female relatives are very slim , I am not .

There is nothing worse too than people who are obsessed with food and other peoples bodies . Tell her straight if she doesn’t stop it you will focus on her imperfections. That will sort it . Spent a lifetime people looking me up and down and every comment in between. Ranging from , “ have you stopped your Zumba , oh you have lost weight , oh you must be stressed you gain weight when you are stressed , have you gone back to your club , oh good your doing something about it , what’s that your eating “

I do feel for you here

latetothefisting · 01/08/2026 19:27

you need to nip this in the bud now! it's likely your dc have already internalised it.

I'd have one semi-polite conversation warning her not to mention weight or anything related to it in the future and then if she does so, gloves are off - whether that's giving it right back to her or getting up and leaving.

as pp's have said, she doesn't care about being rude to you, so no need to worry about hurting her feelings.

AnnaMagnani · 01/08/2026 19:28

My mum did this, in fairness to her she was brought up by a mother who obsessed about her weight and everyone else's too.

Cut some visits short as soon as she mentioned weight and it soon stopped. Well reduced dramatically in intensity and that was good enough.

I did once turn round in her porch and go home as she started before I'd even got in the house.

Lexibletheflexible · 01/08/2026 20:08

My MIL is a bit weight fixated. It's to do with her generation and upbringing. She wasnt aware of how fixated she was on it until me and her niece started this lighthearted approach.

Anytime we mentioned someone, we would say "Oh, I saw Julie the other day, she's gained about 3-4lbs, she also told me blah blah blah". If her niece saw the person too, we'd spend a few mins arguing about whether they've gained 3-4lbs or actually they havent gained any and it was just their top. She got the message in the end and now laughs when she is about to talk about someone's weight.

NoMoreFluffsToGive · 01/08/2026 20:51

Honestly I would be quite blunt - as soon as she starts on about you or your kids’ weight put your hand up and firmly say “No - we’re not discussing weight.” Rinse & repeat. But then I’m feeling very menopausal and rage-y these days…

heartsinvisiblefury · 01/08/2026 20:54

It’s rude to comment on anything about another person which cant be fixed in 5 mins or less so start doing that to her.

Ritaskitchen · 01/08/2026 21:00

We have this similar issue with my FIL. In the end (after a lot of therapy) DH told FIL in a sit down conversation that if he ever mentioned his DHs weight again DH would leave the house or if FIL was at ours he would be told to leave.
This does help. It hasn’t stopped it completely with reference to others but I have also told MIL, in a quiet moment, that if FIL wants any kind of relationship with DH he must never mention his weight again.
I would suggest doing similar and following through with consequences eg not speaking to her for a month if she breaks that boundary. Which she may. And tell her the consequence.
All this weight talk is so damaging.