If a friend mocked you, would you want to continue the friendship?

[Snappythecrocodile1]

If they'd called you 'boring' 'granny' behind your back and said 'I've realised we're very different' 'stresshead' and because you'd said something innocuous such as 'you didn't like spending all day at the beach' they'd twisted this and said 'omg, she said she doesn't like going to the beach wtf!' Then mimicked your voice in front of you in a high-pitched way.

Would you feel comfortable with this person and be able to trust them? It's the way they've acted like this rather than just speaking to your face if there is an issue. Mocking behind your back and calling you names isn't great.

I did like her initially despite all the 'you clearly don't like her anyway' comments which are baseless. Why is me describing what she did meaning that I don't like her? If your partner did something to hurt you and you wrote it on here, should we say 'you clearly don't love him'? Nonsense.

OP, respectfully, you have another current thread about being embarrassed that you don't anyone to ask to be a bridesmaid, which is clearly really about not having any close friends. I'd suggest both threads suggest you struggle with friendships, and seem to have a number of rather distant 'friends' in your life that you don't much like any more, including the two women whose bridesmaid you were. The situation you're describing on this thread doesn't sound like anyone's definition of a friendship. I wouldn't give it any more headspace. I would, however, work on making new friends, people you actually like and value, and who value you back.

Well, yes in that no one is perfect. But your post about her dripped with contempt and you consider yourself superior to her. That doesn’t come under ‘seeing someone’s flaws’ .

I reflect the energy she gives me, what can I say.

And that’s fine, but what you (and the op) do that’s strange is to refer to people like this as ‘friend’. You aren’t friends.

I don't know how else to label someone I see once a week for a mutual hobby and know more about than other people in the group. I am not going to "stop seeing her" as people suggest because I find parts of her personality irritating. I can tolerate her because I see why she does it. I can't imagine everyone goes about thinking all of their friends are perfect and lovely all the time!

I would call such a person ‘a lady in my hobby group’

Ok, that is good for you. I am amazed that no one else has a friend who has negative attributes they put to one side because they are willing to overlook them because they understand why they might be like that, you know, after years of knowing them. I call her a friend largely because if she meant nothing to me I would not overlook that behaviour. I don't think for one moment she thinks I am perfect and I am not delusional enough to think I am either. Friendships aren't always easy but, as with any relationship, if you work on it by trying to understand the other person it can help. That is all I was pointing out, that if she means something to this woman there may be other ways of looking at what she is doing and saying that means she doesn't have to just dump her and run without considering the whys.

You’re being very weird. Have you ever seen her outside the hobby group? If not, she’s not a friend, she’s just someone you share a hobby setting with.

I don't think I am being weird, I just didn't jump on the bandwagon of "run!" everyone else seems to do when faced with challenging behaviour and tried to give another option. I don't care enough about the situation to keep debating my advice anyway.

Absolutely not. They are projecting how they feel about themselves onto you to make you feel as bad as they do.
Your instincts are good. What are they saying for how you should handle this?

That is very unkind and not friendly banter. Distance yourself. Also be cautious about the person who reported this to you. Ugh!

Takes two to tittle tattle.

She isn’t your friend. Kick it to the kerb now.

Actually, it only takes one.
They need to be identified quickly.

Leave the “friendship” immediately with your head held high, don’t waste one second more or justify your action of leaving. They are not a friend, they either despise you, deeply jealous or are secretly in love with you - either way it is not a proper friendship and don’t absorb any of their energy. You know deep down it isn’t the friendship for you or you wouldn’t be checking.

No. Trust has been broken

I think I'd have to call it quits with that 'friend'. Also--consider the person who told you this. Are they really a friend? Maybe they wanted to let you know out of feeling badly that you were unaware of how this other person mocks you behind your back. Or maybe they were trying to hurt you.

Did you hear these comments yourself or is this hearsay? I would be wary if this came via another friend or acquaintance.

No way, that’s absolutely unacceptable!! I suspect you had some trauma in the past and that’s the reason you’re questioning yourself. Your instinct is right and a friend should not behave like this! Xox

She is not your friend. She is actually showing her dislike of you very openly. I would drop her.