Am I fair in saying men have no idea how much work women do in social situations to manage everyone's emotions and make everyone comfortable?

[SkaterGrrrrl]

Last night we went round to a friend of a friend to watch the football. DH's cousin is staying with us so we took her along - she's lovely. When we arrived DH sat down next to a chatty acquaintance and spent the entire evening talking about football with him. Meanwhile I was introducing his cousin to everyone, drawing her into the conversation, giving her a snippet of info about the people sitting near her so she had something to go on etc etc.

Today DH said what a nice relaxed evening it was and how everyone had a good time. Well yes - but I had to work at that to make sure everyone felt comfortable!

Few notes
*DH is a great guy, good emotional intelligence so he's not mean or oblivious - I think just didn't occur to him.
*The cousin is lovely, not socially awkward in any way but I still think needed a little hand holding in a room of complete strangers.
*Cousin is a different race and I didn't know that all the guests present were inclusive, so felt a little bit responsible for ensuring she felt welcome.

Is it fair to say women do this kind of thing all the time and men think that smooth social gatherings happen by magic?

My dd has autism.

I can say 100% per cent that she never does any of this.

You have a rude and unsociable DH @SkaterGrrrrl

Cousin is a different race and I didn't know that all the guests present were inclusive, so felt a little bit responsible for ensuring she felt welcome.

Really ?

Your DH is the issue and it’s why you think women do this all the time
His relative he should have been oiling the social wheels

I guess it depends on the men. I know quite a few who are also good at hosting, and some that aren't but are very much aware of this and are appreciative of the skills of their wives and colleagues in this area.

Sounds like your DH was just a bit oblivious. Pretty rude to take his cousin to a house full of strangers and not take any responsibility for introducing her to people. I don't think that's a male thing. I know plenty of men who wouldn't have behaved like that.

Haha I literally thought that the other day. Also the amount of men who just say exactly what they think regardless of the consequences when most women spend ages trying to caveat everything. Trying to get better at this….

Given it was a “friend of a friend”… did you know everyone to introduce?

The reason men do this is because they never get pulled up on it. Why didn’t you say anything to your husband at the time? Why didn’t you interrupt his conversation?

Ok that's fair, I am very close to his cousin though and neither of us are that fussed about the football so I perhaps he thought we were enjoying chatting about other things. 🤷

I mentioned it today and he was really surprised, which is why I started this thread.

Really.

He sounds rude and thoughtless

Yeah that’s a your husband thing not a man thing

I think its you doing a lot of work in social situations. I don't do that.

I knew about half the people and the host introduced DHs cousin to the others. Hosts were nice but also busy serving food, pouring drinks, answering the door etc.

Fair.

I do t think it was necessary to introduce the cousin to everyone anyway. Surely just gravitate towards those you know, join the conversation and introduce them and ensure they’re included in the conversation.

Introducing to people I dont even know? During a football game? Ott

But there is a massive difference between mentioning it after the event and actually when it is happening.

That is one of the key reasons that men don’t give a crap about stuff like this. They handle situations in the moment and move on, they don’t keep quiet and then ruminate on things endlessly. So take a page out of the patriarchy’s book: tell your husband in the moment and step back. If his cousin has a bad time it’s his responsibility, not yours.

You went above and beyond OP. As it was my DHs cousin I would have probably done what your DH did and left them both to it 😁

Ok seems to be a consensus that's it's not a male thing it's a 'my DH' thing. I will talk to him.

Inclusive? Do you mean you didn’t know if they were racist?

Sorry, but can you please explain what you mean by “I didn't know that all the guests present were inclusive”…

Having said that, I don’t think there was any need to introduce the cousin in any detail - other than “this is my husband’s cousin (name) who is visiting us from (location).

Yes I thought that was weird

And also a bit you thing

there was no need to introduce a visiting cousin to everyone at a football match gathering… half of which you didn’t even know