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I’ve made the in-laws hate me even more…

82 replies

Mumofyellows · Yesterday 20:30

They haven’t been huge fans of me for a while, it’s all very civil and we still see eachother and get on fine but I am very much not their cup of tea in a lot of ways, they adore DH’s ex and are still very close to her, I am an introvert, not a huge drinker, don’t massively enjoy loud social gatherings and prefer quieter socialising like going for dinner and a glass of wine with friends, and spending time out walking with my dogs and lunching in country pubs. I’m 44, I’ve done my partying! They are very loud and drink like fish then become even louder…no issue with that just not really me.

Anyway they think I’m boring, which I’m fine with. Last week with the England game on Saturday night, there was a big family party to watch the match at one of their houses. I didn’t go - I was at a funeral during the day and had from word go said no to going as I knew I would definitely not be in the mood after an emotional day.

DH went - plan was drive over there, drink, watch match, sleep over there and then back the following day. I was home - chilled evening, glass of wine with my dogs in the garden then an early night.

3am one of my dogs started barking like mad. We had a cat get in through an open window a couple of days before so I though it might have happened again, went downstairs to find DH attempting to unlock the front door unsuccessfully as I had left my keys in the other side of the lock. His car was on the drive. I let him in and he was very clearly absolutely smashed. I went mental, called him stupid, told him in no uncertain terms how fucking furious I was. Went back to bed seething while he fumbled around downstairs burning toast like a moron. The next morning I woke up still fuming and decided to message the family group chat to let them know how pissed off I was that they had allowed him to drive in the state he was in. I wasn’t rude, obviously he is an adult and made the choice. But they are such enablers, I have never known a group of adults to need to drink to such excess.

I didn’t get a single reply to my message. I over heard a call from his parents where they said he was silly for driving but luckily he “got away with it”. They genuinely only think the risk was being pulled over, not that he could have killed himself or some other poor person . I heard his Mum say “well never mind alls well that ends well, it was a good night.”

Today - another England game, I’m not in the country as am abroad visiting my family. DH is with his family to watch the game. He swears he is not drinking and is going to actually stop all together as he knows he makes bad choices when he has been drinking…that won’t last! He called me and told me His Mum has been badgering him all day about why he is not drinking tonight and that he does not need to listen to me as I am a kill joy.

Urgh. I don’t care but it’s just so awkward.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · Yesterday 23:16

ACatNamedRobin · Yesterday 22:51

would people in this country actually consider divorce because of an uncaught incident of drink driving?
it’s amazing how much cultural differences there are even within Europe - thinking of Ireland, France, let alone the Eastern European countries!

Its a basic lack of respect for human life. How could you possibly stay attracted to someone who knows they could have killed someone and did it anyway. By staying with people who do horrible things, you are saying it's bloody okay!

HedgehogSam · Yesterday 23:17

Your thread title is a bit odd. It doesn't sound as though your in-laws hate you "even more." Or indeed at all. But it certainly seems that you hate them and (unfairly) blame them for your husband's unconscionable behaviour. He's a grown man for heaven's sake, it's long past time to stop placing the blame for his actions on Mummy and Daddy.

You say in the OP that you sent a message "to let them know how pissed off I was that they had allowed him to drive in the state he was in." I think they showed remarkable restraint in not responding to a message of misplaced blame. You say the message wasn't rude, but you not only held them responsible for your husband's actions, you told them you were "pissed off" about it. That sounds pretty rude to me.

Bellyblueboy · Yesterday 23:25

Parky04 · Yesterday 23:02

My DH tried to stop someone driving home whilst drunk and was violently assaulted! So no, if they want to drive whilst drunk then let them!

What sort of friends and family does your OH have. We aren’t talking about stopping strangers here!

I hope he has recovered and justice has been served - awful this happened when trying to help a friend. Hopefully he has new, better mates now.

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 23:32

I would seriously consider ending the relationship over this. It’s such moronic behaviour. Do you have any children together?

PinkNailPolish2026 · Yesterday 23:50

ACatNamedRobin · Yesterday 22:51

would people in this country actually consider divorce because of an uncaught incident of drink driving?
it’s amazing how much cultural differences there are even within Europe - thinking of Ireland, France, let alone the Eastern European countries!

When you’ve suffered loss through someone else choosing to drive after drinking alcohol then the answer is yes. None of our family ever had as much as one drink and then drove a vehicle this was always non negotiable even before “the accident” as some like to refer to it. You’d feel very differently if it happened to you or anyone close to you. We’ve spoken to the parents and other family members of the person who was responsible for my brothers death, it affects everyone involved. We’re not yet at the point that we feel able to speak to the person who drove the vehicle that hit my brothers car, the person was over the limit yet here we are, they’re serving a prison sentence leaving a young family without a parent for a specific amount of time. Perhaps one day we’ll feel ready to ask the questions we want to face to face, four years on none of us want to look at them. We’re left serving a life sentence wondering why someone would hit a car, knock it into a field and drive away to try and protect the fact they’d had a drink and chose to drive. It may just “be a few” drinks to some, to others a “few drinks” changes many lives. Have a think about that.

Edited to add the person who chose to drink drive and left 2 children without a father is the scum of the earth imo.

shuggles · Today 00:16

@Mumofyellows I wasn’t rude, obviously he is an adult and made the choice. But they are such enablers, I have never known a group of adults to need to drink to such excess."

No, this is not an "adult" making a choice. This is a criminal offence where your husband could have seriously harmed someone.

I didn’t get a single reply to my message. I over heard a call from his parents where they said he was silly for driving but luckily he “got away with it”. They genuinely only think the risk was being pulled over, not that he could have killed himself or some other poor person . I heard his Mum say “well never mind alls well that ends well, it was a good night.”

His parents need to change their mentality and attitude.

If I had ever been caught drink driving by my parents, the outcome would have been a thousand times worse.

Sensiblesal · Today 00:53

The title of this thread is, you made your in laws hate you even more & not how do I leave my DH because he chose to drink drive & put not only his but other peoples lives at risk.

how did you even end up married when your values and lifestyles differ so much.

honestly, your in laws are not to blame here. Your husband is a grown ass adult who made the decision to get in the car drunk.

no one else. Stop blaming the wrong people or pass blame

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