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I’ve made the in-laws hate me even more…

82 replies

Mumofyellows · Yesterday 20:30

They haven’t been huge fans of me for a while, it’s all very civil and we still see eachother and get on fine but I am very much not their cup of tea in a lot of ways, they adore DH’s ex and are still very close to her, I am an introvert, not a huge drinker, don’t massively enjoy loud social gatherings and prefer quieter socialising like going for dinner and a glass of wine with friends, and spending time out walking with my dogs and lunching in country pubs. I’m 44, I’ve done my partying! They are very loud and drink like fish then become even louder…no issue with that just not really me.

Anyway they think I’m boring, which I’m fine with. Last week with the England game on Saturday night, there was a big family party to watch the match at one of their houses. I didn’t go - I was at a funeral during the day and had from word go said no to going as I knew I would definitely not be in the mood after an emotional day.

DH went - plan was drive over there, drink, watch match, sleep over there and then back the following day. I was home - chilled evening, glass of wine with my dogs in the garden then an early night.

3am one of my dogs started barking like mad. We had a cat get in through an open window a couple of days before so I though it might have happened again, went downstairs to find DH attempting to unlock the front door unsuccessfully as I had left my keys in the other side of the lock. His car was on the drive. I let him in and he was very clearly absolutely smashed. I went mental, called him stupid, told him in no uncertain terms how fucking furious I was. Went back to bed seething while he fumbled around downstairs burning toast like a moron. The next morning I woke up still fuming and decided to message the family group chat to let them know how pissed off I was that they had allowed him to drive in the state he was in. I wasn’t rude, obviously he is an adult and made the choice. But they are such enablers, I have never known a group of adults to need to drink to such excess.

I didn’t get a single reply to my message. I over heard a call from his parents where they said he was silly for driving but luckily he “got away with it”. They genuinely only think the risk was being pulled over, not that he could have killed himself or some other poor person . I heard his Mum say “well never mind alls well that ends well, it was a good night.”

Today - another England game, I’m not in the country as am abroad visiting my family. DH is with his family to watch the game. He swears he is not drinking and is going to actually stop all together as he knows he makes bad choices when he has been drinking…that won’t last! He called me and told me His Mum has been badgering him all day about why he is not drinking tonight and that he does not need to listen to me as I am a kill joy.

Urgh. I don’t care but it’s just so awkward.

OP posts:
BerryTwister · Yesterday 22:22

I’d feel the same as you OP. I’d be furious with him, and annoyed with his family too, for thinking it was OK. I know people like that too. They think alcohol trumps everything, and any behaviour is excusable in the name of a “good time”. I would be seriously evaluating my marriage, if this is how your DH plans to behave.

saraclara · Yesterday 22:23

Mumofyellows · Yesterday 20:41

I’m absolutely not blaming them for him drunk driving but I can’t believe their reaction. They should be as angry as I am.

Yes you are! You've told them that you blame them for "allowing" him to drive!

The next morning I woke up still fuming and decided to message the family group chat to let them know how pissed off I was that they had allowed him to drive in the state he was in

Now you're backtracking with a very different account

my message to them was actually pleasant - like” I hope you all had a good evening, next time you get together please can you take away DH’s car keys and hide them - he has driven home absolutely wasted and how he hasn’t killed someone or himself is a miracle” I didn’t blame them or tell say anything negative,

Backedoffhackedoff · Yesterday 22:23

Farkinhell · Yesterday 22:22

I would 100% leave my husband if he ever drove drunk.

Risking his and others lives and potentially leaving his kids without a parent. What a specimen. His family may be enablers but he has a drink problem.

She’s not going to leave him.

neither would 90% of the angry posters, tbf

LondonLass2026 · Yesterday 22:24

Sorry, but as much as I love my partner, if he ever drove drunk, that would be it - dealbreaker. It's absolutely disgusting. I'd call the police on him. I don't care.

Absolutely abhorrent. What a filthy pig your H is. He could have wiped out an innocent life.

AngelinaFibres · Yesterday 22:26

Mumofyellows · Yesterday 20:39

Oh I know don’t you worry about that, I have made sure he knows in no uncertain terms that he was responsible for his own decision to drive.

I just hate that they don’t see an issue with it, if that were my DD I would be apoplectic. His issues with drinking also stem from his parents who have no off switch with alcohol and can’t see how anything could possibly be fun without it.

They must have been like this when you were going out with him. Why on earth did you marry into this

SinisterPeaches · Yesterday 22:26

Telling off his family on the group chat was a deeply odd response, and suggests you're displacing your anger onto people whose fault he drunk-drive it isn't, because you don't want to look closely at him, and at your relationship with someone with a drink problem, poor judgement, and who is lucky not to have killed someone. And possibly that he's emerging as having traits from his family that you strongly dislike.

I think your relationship with his family is irrelevant here, to be honest. DH's parents have never much liked me (his mum in particular has been unable to hide how much she wishes he'd married his ex, of whom she was very fond). It doesn't in the least bother me. I'm in my 50s, DH and I have been together for decades. I quite like them, regardless of their opinion of me, but it's certainly not something I lose any sleep over.

Ask yourself what you were choosing not to do when you chose to message his family to express your displeasure. I think that's where you should focus your energy.

LondonLass2026 · Yesterday 22:27

Backedoffhackedoff · Yesterday 22:23

She’s not going to leave him.

neither would 90% of the angry posters, tbf

No, you're wrong. I absolutely would. There are some things I won't tolerate and that's one.

Gleba · Yesterday 22:31

I don’t understand why you had your post that message to your ILs, tbh.

ThatJadeLion · Yesterday 22:32

Run and don't look back. Your life will feel lighter and happier.

Gardenisablooming · Yesterday 22:33

I reported my dh for drink driving..he lost his licence for 2 years. Somehow I got the blame from the ils...
Yabu to accept a marriage like this

Btw I filed for divorce the next day.
Didn't tell him either. He found out from my solicitor..

Gardenisablooming · Yesterday 22:34

He didn't find out who shopped him until a while later..whilst in court denying he had anger issues. Trying to grab me across the table when I let it slip.

PinkNailPolish2026 · Yesterday 22:35

and decided to message the family group chat to let them know how pissed off I was that they had allowed him to drive in the state he was in

He’s an adult, he makes his own choices, he could have slipped out the house before they realised he’d gone for all you know. You never called the police so you never did anything about it either. It’s very odd you messaged a family group chat about it, do you all message the group chat with issues in your marriage? Very strange…

My brother was killed by a drunk driver, his car lay in a field undiscovered for 9 hours before he was found. I’d happily call the police on anyone who drink drives and yes that would include my husband.

nomas · Yesterday 22:36

Your title doesn’t match your post.

Who cares if they hate you?

WeddingInvitation · Yesterday 22:40

Fiendishandfiery · Yesterday 22:10

Can’t believe the people saying end your marriage, like it’s that simple for everyone. Of course it was heinous and stupid. But marriage ending no.not this once.

Not just for that but for the fact they seem completely incompatible.

pepperminticecream · Yesterday 22:41

DH problem and an in-law problem. As a mother who loves my children, doesn’t want them to die or kill someone else, I would never allow them to drive while drunk. I would pop their tires or call the police myself before allowing them to do something that dangerous.

Terfedout · Yesterday 22:42

I'm surprised at some of the responses here.

OP you are absolutely right. Your husband is the primary shit for driving. However I'd also be appalled at his family for their attitude towards it.

ShrubLover · Yesterday 22:45

So you called the police and have since filed for divorce? No?

TheContinent · Yesterday 22:47

My advice: divorce that twat and go back to your own country

TheContinent · Yesterday 22:50

What nice decent EU girls do with low class basic British blokes. LOL - you get what you asked for

ACatNamedRobin · Yesterday 22:51

Thundertoast · Yesterday 22:08

They suck.
But it doesnt matter, as presumably you are getting a divorce anyway?

would people in this country actually consider divorce because of an uncaught incident of drink driving?
it’s amazing how much cultural differences there are even within Europe - thinking of Ireland, France, let alone the Eastern European countries!

Parky04 · Yesterday 23:02

Snakesontheplane · Yesterday 21:34

Actually, unlike the other posters, I get why you are cross. If this was one of my DH’s friends who had driven home drunk, I would be furious with my DH. Why? Because I would expect my DH to physically take the keys off his friend and stop him from driving home to keep his friend safe and the wider public. No excuse just to say “oh but my friend is an adult, what was I to do?” In that scenario, the others have a collective responsibility. I’m surprised that others think it’s ok just to wash your hands.

So yes, I think his family have behaved appalling. If they care about your DH why would they let him drive like that? Let alone the risk to others? I think worth making that point to your DH. Not very caring of his family. They were happy to let him do something utterly reckless with seemingly no care for him whatsoever.

My DH tried to stop someone driving home whilst drunk and was violently assaulted! So no, if they want to drive whilst drunk then let them!

tigger1001 · Yesterday 23:05

It would be a deal breaker for me. He would be locked out and that would be the end of our relationship.

i wouldn't have involved his family - he's a grown up. Although I would have expected them to be as horrified as me at his actions

Badvocthebad · Yesterday 23:08

You are not compatible.
Ltb.

Horses7 · Yesterday 23:15

Your husband has been a moron and could easily have killed other people/himself.
Why text his family??? Light blue touch paper and stand back!
This has only made you more of an outsider.

Twobigbabies · Yesterday 23:16

This definitely won't be the first time he's driven drunk and won't be the last unless he accepts he has a serious problem with alcohol and potentially stops drinking altogether.