Daughter has come out as gay

[alwaysanewbuild]

My DD has come out as gay. It was a bit of a shock but I love her unconditionally and have accepted it. At Christmas she announced to several close family members that she was gay (she had drunk rather a lot of alcohol) they all hugged her.
There are two family members who I’m very close to who didn’t attend the gathering (they are elderly) but I imagine they will have heard

i am due to see them on Sunday. Do I mention it to them? They are lovely people but old fashioned ideas. I don’t want it to become a thing that is not spoken about and it to be awkward

Sexuality is no one’s business but the person concerned. There is no need to announce anything to anyone.

I have two DDs, one gay, one straight. I’ve certainly never wished that my gay DD was straight!

When they were both dating I had a lot more worry about my straight DD meeting up with guys than my gay DD meeting women.

Id love my straight DD to meet a lovely lady 🤣 although appreciate that’s not going to happen!

I agree with this too. I can’t say I was ‘delighted’ why my daughter told me. Being honest it took me a few days to process it, but once I had I felt happy that she is possibly more likely to have safe, equal and loving relationships. I know that’s not guaranteed of course.

Where on earth do you get the idea from that no-one would choose to be gay or that gay people want to be straight? If someone had a magic button I could press to turn myself straight there's no way I'd do it, not for any amount of money. Out of my straight friends I've lost count of how many have told me they wish they were lesbians after yet another bad experience dating men. Out of my gay friends I've only ever heard one say they wish they were straight (from a religious muslim background which makes things difficult).

Agreed. I really dislike the disingenuous use of this sort of excuse when a thread 'goes wrong' for an OP. Someone who posted in a perfectly articulate way suddenly finds their language lacking or equivalent shoddy excuse.

God in Govan.

Lifestyle choice? like having a house in the country is a lifestyle choice? fuck me Im surprised she tells you anything.

How shit than in 2026, people have to 'come out' and have their parents 'accept it'.

I don't remember coming out as straight at any time in my life.

Being gay is not a lifestyle choice. Why would you say you’d rather she was straight ? How strange.

This. If they ask if she's got a boyfriend she could tell them if she wants.

I married my same sex partner and my mum insisted I told my 95 year old grandad. I said to him “you do know we are together as partners don’t you?” And he just went “yeah?” As if it wasn’t a big deal. My mum was more bothered than he was!!

people struggle to say the right thing - be a grown up @SardinesOnButteredToast

Please stop talking 🤦🏻‍♀️

That’s uncalled for.

Posters are explaining that you can't choose your sexual orientation and that it's not a 'preference'. You're asking why, and then telling me to 'grow up' when I express disbelief that this still needs to be explained . I will not sit quietly whilst hearing the same tired old homophobia that I've been listening to since the 80s.

I’ve never understood why this needs to be announced to people - it is what it is. If someone is gay that’s fine if they’re not that’s fine too.

Exactly.

Stop bullying the woman. You may not like the way she sees the world but she's bullying no one and trying to make sense of something.

Sometimes things go too far on here. Smell the bloodlust.

Edited out predictive text stuff.

I think it's a reflection on the part of some (hopefully minority of) straight people that they can't even imagine being gay without it being something so shame fuelled and traumatic that of course you would choose to be straight.

I know this thread has gone pear shaped, but reading words to the effect ‘you wouldn’t announce you were straight’ has really helped me. My eldest is gay and has very religious grandparents who will probably think he’s going to hell. DP’s parents, not mine, thankfully. Mine would have said ‘ah, fair enough’ and forgotten about it. But we have had a couple of conversations about telling them. Now I’m thinking ‘why bother?’ No need to make a secret of it and no need to announce it. The information can evolve. And if they find out and are annoyed that we didn’t mention it, then I’ll remind them that there is no announcement for being straight, so no need when you’re gay. We are in NI and, although things have improved massively, there is still a terrible amount of prejudice. DS left school after his GCSE’s because of bullying about his sexuality. Nobody at his college gives a shit though, so that’s something.

Parents are allowed to be concerned about their children dont you know? Homophobia still exists even in the 21st century!

I think this is the answer OP: they don't really need to know. If they want to, they will ask, and you can happily tell them.

It isn't a secret as other family members know.

I was going to say the same - I would be happy for my DD to be gay as she’ll be safer. I would be less happy about my son coming out as I’d worry about the extra danger that puts him in, both from potential partners and from homophobic men - because men are more dangerous. (I wouldn’t say that to him but I would think it.)

I can see that maybe a parent might also think it’s harder for their child to be gay as it reduces their dating pool. Some might be dismayed about it being harder for their DC to have kids and for them to be a grandparent.

However I think there are definitely parents around now who are delighted when their child is gay as it gives them cool points (see also “transhausen” parents). Which is just as bad IMO as only being happy if they’re straight. The best response is matter-of-fact acceptance like the grandad a PP mentioned.

Oh and yes re the OP, no need to mention it. I know several gay people including friends, neighbours and family; almost without exception the only reason I know they’re gay (or possibly bi) is because at some point they introduced or referred to their same sex partner. Same as how i find out other people aren’t gay. Having a big announcement and fanfare is unnecessary.

Being gay is not a 'Lifestyle choice'.

That's just who she is.

I hope you did not share any of this nonsense with your daughter.

There is no need for you to announce anything either to all your family members.