Daughter has come out as gay

[alwaysanewbuild]

My DD has come out as gay. It was a bit of a shock but I love her unconditionally and have accepted it. At Christmas she announced to several close family members that she was gay (she had drunk rather a lot of alcohol) they all hugged her.
There are two family members who I’m very close to who didn’t attend the gathering (they are elderly) but I imagine they will have heard

i am due to see them on Sunday. Do I mention it to them? They are lovely people but old fashioned ideas. I don’t want it to become a thing that is not spoken about and it to be awkward

I cannot believe I just read that.

with all due respect i dont think language is your issue , you seem to make the point very crystal here

Sexuality isn’t a preference.

I'm gonna pull this one up too.

There is no "making their case" or "defending their choices etc" ffs

Op she’s still the same person she was before, potentially a happier version if she’s been wanting to tell her family. Don’t we all just want our children to be happy? I don’t think you need to make a big deal out of it to family members.

June is Pride month, there’s plenty to engage with - educate yourself and be the parent your daughter deserves.

It's clear that the OP is from a different culture where this is still an issue, so people, please cut her some slack.

OP, being gay is not a 'choice'. You're born gay or not. You cannot 'choose' to be straight or gay. It's not a choice we have. So perhaps lay off the "lifestyle choice" but. It's not a 'lifestyle choice" any more than you being straight is.

How is her father taking the news?

Being gay isn’t any more of a ‘lifestyle choice’ than being straight, having blue eyes, or being left handed. It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry.

Sounds like you’re the one with old fashioned ideas, and you’re making things a big deal because you're a bigot, but are trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Having a preference of someone else’s sexual preference is fucking weird, parent or not. Just so you know.

Please cut this poor woman some slack !!! She was looking for advice, not to be slaughtered for poor wording. And that's all that was. I know several people with gay sons/daughters, and while none of them has any issue at all with it, every single one would rather they had been straight!!! I know none of them would ever say it to their offspring, but the fact remains !!!! I don't believe ANYONE is ever delighted to find out their child is gay. And OP stated clearly that she's fine with her daughter's sexuality, so get off her back and off the high horses!!!!

Why would it be awkward?

If anyone in your family is homophobic or disapproving to her then she should rightly cut them off and never speak to them again. I hope you agree with that.

Exactly! No parent would want their child to live a life that is filled with attacks, prejudice and discrimination from people. Because it is not easy at all being gay. Many gay people themselves admit they would never choose to be gay, if they had a choice. So I totally get what the OP was saying when she said she preferred her child was straight if it were a choice between a life of struggle and discrimination in housing, employment, friendship groups, family, etc etc etc and a life free of that. 99% of parents of gay children would. It's just common sense isn't it. Unfortunately people on here react quickly and automatically without taking the time to actually use critical thinking. So they attack an OP who least needs or deserves the attacks.

Being gay is more than sexuality.

Eeewwww you sound utterly dreadful.

The homophobia and insecurity is SEEPING out of you.

'Eeewwwww' you sound like a 9 year old with the critical thinking skills of a 5 year old.

What, for being appalled at a hysterical and homophobic comment?

Nae bother, I think I’ll be just fine with my critical thinking skills thank you.

Don’t bring it up to them, because whether or not to tell them directly is your daughter’s decision, not yours.

Oh fuck off. It’s not a “lifestyle choice”

1. Ask her.
2. Don’t use the term “lifestyle choice”.

You would "rather she was straight" and consider it a "lifestyle choice". Wtaf??

Your poor daughter. This is not a problem with either your daughter's sexuality or telling your elderly relatives . This is a you problem. You are embarrassed by your own daughter. Get a grip and sort out your attitude pronto before your relationship with her is damaged beyond repair. No wonder she had to be drunk to tell you, she knew, what you'd think.

My younger daughter is gay. I don't only not give a rat's arse about it, but it is literally the least relevant thing about her. What anyone else thinks about it is neither her nor my problem.

Her sexuality does not need to be a topic for discussion and if others bring it up, surely you politely reply and then immediately shut down the conversation if any negativity is, expressed.

Sounds like you’re projecting how YOU feel about it on to others. You feel awkward and would rather she was straight, that’s why. It’s nothing to do with how your relatives would feel.

It seems an odd thing to announce to someone. The only reason I can think you would do that is to try and ease your own discomfort by seeking their approval. There isn’t a need. It’s up to your daughter to tell who she wants, what she wants.

If you think they already know then there is a chance they could ask you about it so then, and only then, does it need to be brought up. You don’t need to go into much detail. If they ask if she’s a lesbian, you can simply say ‘’ yes, but I don’t want to discuss my daughter’s private life behind her back. Her sexuality is irrelevant’’ or even omit the ‘’yes’’ and just say you don’t want to talk about it without her permission.

Honest rather than disgusting, don't you think !

As things stand, a person will probably have an easier life if they are straight. And it is probably easier to become a grandparent (if that matters to OP) if one's child is straight.

OP says, her dd is an adult, she loves her unconditionally, and that is the end of the matter.

I wouldn't have preferred my DD to be straight, any more than I would have preferred her to be tall or blonde or whatever. She is who she is - end of. It is the least relevant thing about her. And actually I didn't ever need to be "told". It was just obvious if you paid attention .

Language is important and if the OP is so casually judgemental here, I doubt her attitude isn't also obvious to her DD and she really needs to work on that.

Gosh, as a midlife heterosexual woman, I’ll be celebrating if my daughter comes out as gay. So so many men are shit.

I mean, not all of them; of course. I know a few good ones but they seem few and far between even in my generation, let alone the one that’s growing up in a world where Andrew Tate and Donald Trump hold positions of influence.

I’m raising my son to be a good man, but he’s my daughter’s brother so she can’t marry him. Another woman would be far preferable to me.

There was nothing remotely 'hysterical' or homophobic about her comment. If you had critical thinking skills, you would understand what she's getting at.

Most parents would prefer their child live an easier life, free of discrimination. That's normal. Even gay people themselves say they'd never choose to be gay, they'd rather be straight.