After advice not sure if i am BU and it is normal to expect this from family or if sibling is BU if so what can I do?
Context: sibling works long shifts - 14 hour days three days a week. They have childcare four days a week, the childcare starts 8am ending at 5pm for their 3 year old but working shift begins 7am and ends at half 9 at night. The child's dad does alternate weekends only. So sibling was in a temporary post and decided to get a car through work scheme, that post has now ended as was only temp so now has to accept this new job with these hours as other posts offered had less pay and the car company said it would put her below living wage so she cannot keep the car and has to pay a few thousand to get out of contract early. Why she even got a car worth so much in a temporary job I have no idea. Anyway, my gripe is that it has been falling on me to pick up the spaces in childcare.
Despite child's dad having them every other weekend she does not request these days. She always seems to end up working the day the childminder doesn't and expects me to have her child on that day for 14 hours, I have them the night before as child is only 3 and she starts work at 7am so this is to avoid lifting them early from bed. She often does not pick them up until 10.30pm/11pm saying she was talking or on occasion "forgot" i had their child but mostly expects the child to stay over again as it is so late. I also end up having to pick them up from the childminder at 5 on these 2 other days in which they either stay or go home at 11. If they stay she doesn't collect them until 9.30am in the morning despite me starting work at 9 and telling them this but as my work is from home they dont seem to care. I also cannot put the child to bed and have to keep them awake or they don't sleep if she is collecting them at 11pm. Usually I end up having the child 3 nights a week as a result, one 14 hr long day and from 5pm until bedtime or 11pm if getting collected.
When i say I cant have them as I just feel overwhelmed myself she will just say "why not" as will know it is my day off or that i finish work at 5pm so im free. I have my own dc who has SEN needs but is older and they are becoming annoyed that the other child is here so often and I also work. I recently dropped my hours because everything felt too much. I dont get paid for this or fuel money to collect them 20 mins each way or food. She is now even suggesting to register her child at my address for primary school so they can get a school bus in my area so I can keep them overnight more often and send them into school incase she's working.
The whole thing feels crazy. I feel like I cant say no as she wont have the money to pay back the car but in all honestly I really feel like its not my problem. She never has my child and 3 days a week just feels like alot is it normal to help family out this much on top of ur own job and child plus overnights?
Ive told her to request shorter days or set days when she has a childminder but has told me she cant and job requires long days and that she can't ask for set days either.
Aibu? How often do you look after your relatives? And how do I get out of this?